“The Cannabis” is the Only Reason I Can Tolerate This. Another Family Member’s Response.

You are totally wrong about Crohn’s survivors.  The real survivors have real families and real jobs and real lives.  You need to up your game.

This was my mother’s response — remember her?  She’s a nurse.  She was responding to me telling her — a nurse — that Crohn’s disease is incurable and progressive, and that if she thought that my treatment with medical cannabis was a failure because I wasn’t cured, she wasn’t thinking things through.  A nurse, a fucking nurse, not only has no idea that an incurable and progressive disease is both incurable and progressive, she disbelieves me when I tell her, and she has obviously never even bothered looking it up.  Here is the first result when you ask Google “Is Crohn’s disease progressive?”

Stages of Crohn’s Disease

Crohn’s disease is marked by inflammation of the gastrointestinal (GI) tract. The inflammation can appear anywhere in the GI tract from the mouth to the anus. People with the disease often experience ups and downs in symptoms. They may even experience periods of remission. However, Crohn’s is a progressive disease that starts with mild symptoms and gradually gets worse. The stages of Crohn’s range from mild to moderate to severe. The earlier you treat and manage Crohn’s, the more likely you’ll reduce your risk for developing severe symptoms.

That was from Healthline but it’s also on other sites as well, like this offering from a peer-reviewed medical journal:

Crohn’s disease (CD) is a progressive disease that is subdivided into three phenotypes: inflammatory, stricturing and penetrating. At diagnosis, most CD patients have inflammatory disease. However, the natural history of CD is one of progression over time to structural complications of the gastrointestinal tract (strictures and fistulae) requiring hospitalizations and surgeries.

And this from the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation, a well-known Crohn’s and colitis charity (whatever the hell “charity” means in that context.  They fund medical research) when asked whether Crohn’s is incurable:

Known collectively as inflammatory bowel diseases (IBD), Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis affect more than 1.6 million Americans. That’s one in every 200 Americans living with one of these debilitating, medically incurable diseases that attack the digestive system.

Incurable and progressive.  So not only is she, meaning my mother, who is a nurse, completely ignorant, she is also completely lazy, doesn’t listen, and thinks she knows what she is talking about when she has not a single clue.  Honestly it sounds like she’s been watching too much TV, specifically Big Pharma drug commercials which show serious incurable, progressive autoimmune diseases being easily and completely cured but which programming is meant to sell a product and which therefore necessarily lies.  And it is truly frightening when an ignorant person has no idea that they are ignorant.  I think I was just mansplained in fact.  But let’s look at her language itself which is speaking to me as it were.  “Crohn’s survivors.”  Crohn’s survivors.  Crohn’s survivors.  Nope, it makes no difference how you say it, this is just a weird term and an even weirder idea.

First of all, people really only say “survivors” when they mean “victims” but they wish to erase the agent of harm.  We see this frequently with the use of it in the context of rape and sexual assault, where it has become fashionable to refer to victims as “survivors” because allegedly it validates the victim’s experience and celebrates the fact that she was “strong” as if all women and as if all victims aren’t strong, even the ones that do not survive.  But in the spaces even interested in validating the experience of rape victims, they cannot risk offending men or even rapists for a myriad of reasons (mostly financial and physical) so they speak and act as if no one did the raping.  I am speaking here only of the use of the language to describe these things, I am not necessarily comparing the experience of the raped and the chronically ill (although these experiences and these groups do seem to overlap).

In this case, my mom, who is a nurse, in her own mind has completely erased the agent of harm — according to Western medicine and its understanding of Crohn’s disease, she is talking about me and my own immune system, and she is erasing my own immune system as the agent of harm.  She is saying that it is possible to separate my immune system from “me” as we wish to separate the patient from the pathogen, or the diseased limb from the healthy stump and using this logic believes I can escape my own body and be “cured” of an incurable disease.  By using “survivor” in the context of Crohn’s she is also implying that the harm is in the past and only in the past but when is that true with trauma and when is that true for the ongoing systemic effects of an incurable, progressive autoimmune disease?  These words are loaded for bear.

It is truly demented hearing Crohn’s disease framed this way by a healthcare professional, and it is truly frightening for me to hear these insane words come out of my mother’s mouth when I have asked for her help which necessarily requires some level of her understanding.  Doesn’t it?  In general, how can anyone offer realistic and helpful “help” when they do not understand the condition they are trying to improve?  And who would expect it?  Not me — I’m trying to explain it to her but she “disagrees” with me based on nothing.  Again, I am only harping on this issue not to shit talk my mother but because she is a nurse and more importantly, because she thinks of herself as a healthcare expert and does in fact have a role in other people’s sicknesses and in their healing and not healing as it were.  People like her — and her — are the ones taking care of sick people and interacting with them and influencing their care including making observations and decisions about things like attitude and malingering and catastrophization.  And this is their level of understanding and inquiry into human health (or does she reserve her absolute worst for me?  It’s a question worth asking but still.  The implications of this are disturbing for everyone, not just for me).

The rest of her response seems to indicate that the subject has now changed from my disease and how I’m actually feeling and what I’m actually able to do — to discussing my life-long lack of real estate, the state of my career which was largely a bust even before I got sick, and my “failure” to ever marry and have children although I hate children and never wanted to get married in the first place.  I don’t have a lot to say about that except to mentally shake my damn head (SMDH) but this is what we are talking about isn’t it?  Underneath every discussion anyone has with me about being struck down in my prime by an incurable, progressive disease and “losing it all” in search of healing and relief, the real issue for them is why and how did I allow this to this affect my life.

But how could it not?  And importantly to this discussion which was allegedly about the the costs versus benefit of my treatment with medical cannabis, my life would’ve been affected whether I sought out medical cannabis or not.  I was significantly ill by the time I abandoned Western medicine because it wasn’t working and I was getting progressively worse.  And the “life” they are thinking I should have now as a chronically ill person, which apparently includes real estate, an exciting and profitable career, and marriage and kids, never even existed at all.  I mean it’s just so obvious that this discussion — and every image and idea she has in her head, and everything she thinks and says about my situation as a seriously chronically ill person — has nothing whatsoever to do with me.  Me, meaning, the patient, the sick person, the one who will now rely on the long-term care and concern — and understanding — of others if I am to survive.

9 thoughts on ““The Cannabis” is the Only Reason I Can Tolerate This. Another Family Member’s Response.

  1. I couldn’t help but note that the third stage of Crohn’s Disease was dubbed “penetrating”. Given that Crohn’s, like other autoimmune diseases, like torture-by-penis, mostly inflicts suffering on female people who are supposed to shut up (or worse, “look on the bright side” of illness and smilingly accept medical/penile invasion), it’s like yet another cruel joke.

    I grew up with a mother with colitis, severe GERD which led to Barrett’s Esophagus and a father who deified Western medical professionals as unfailing humanitarians (!!!) even as my mother’s condition continued to worsen despite all of their invasive tests and treatment. At the very best they treated her like a child, at worst, a woman who exaggerated her pain. Now, my mother is as close to the patriarchal “Angel in the Home” as you can get. If she had deviated in any way from the married/beautiful/white/thin/het/upper middle class/feminine/deferential/bearing her “womanly” fate of pain with “grace”, the doctors would have gone full-on sadist rather than “there, there, you look beautiful so you must be feeling better!”

    To this day, nothing makes my father more angry than my mistrust and avoidance of doctors.

    I discovered you soon after your last post and wished I had found it sooner and been able to join the discussions in the commentary. You succinctly wrote what I have always suspected was the truth about existing as female-bodied in this world, and have been ostracized for mentioning to others. In this blog you are doing the same truth-telling about chronic illness, especially a disease like Crohn’s which implicates another societal taboo, that of the “,messy” digestive system (particularly females, because sex dolls aren’t supposed to shit, I suppose, and added time in the bathroom is supposed to be for makeup application).

    I hate that you are suffering and in such a shitty situation. I will make a Patreon contribution once I sort out my own financial crap, hopefully this month but during the beginning of June at the latest. Your cats are beautiful, by the way. Cats are the best. Loving my cats is very often what keeps me going in such a ass-backwards world.

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  2. Hi Felinesforever, thanks for your comment! From what I can tell, “penetrating” and “stricturing” are the 2 forks in the road after “inflammatory” which is where most people start out. It progresses to either bowel obstructions or fistulas. The thought of either one is horrifying (and yeah — penetrating, God) but both seem to be avoidable as long as you can control the inflammation, which is what I am doing successfully with the cannabis! If I have to stop taking it I will be well and truly fucked because Western medicine absolutely cannot successfully treat inflammation, that and chronic pain are Western medicine’s Achille’s heel. I am so sorry to hear that your mother had to comply with this savagery and that she had to smile while doing so. It is so crazy-making it has taken me 3 entire years to organize my thoughts about what has happened and is happening to me enough to write about and respond to it.

    I never really knew if any of my previous writing ever did any good because there is just nothing we can do about any of it, but since I’ve been sick and subject to extreme, over the top crazy-making (and I thought it was bad before! And it was!) I think truth-telling at minimum literally can keep women from going insane. I have had to cling to rationality late at night when I was so desperate for help I almost went to the emergency room, even though there’s nothing they can do. Some problems are legitimate dilemmas for which there simply is no solution. In that way, intelligence can really be a burden because the mind just grinds away constantly trying to solve the problem, but often there is no solution. I know that now after grinding away on it for 3 fucking years and coming up with nothing. This is the wall feminists have come up against this whole time — there simply is no solution and no way to get women what they need. It is impossible and the reasons for that are many deep and overlapping. Thank you for reading and supporting this project. My cats are the only part of this that hasn’t been pure hell. I do not know what I would have done, or what I will ever do without them. I hope every minute that I never have to find out.

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  3. Felinesforever, I just wanted to say “Hello!” It’s amazing how similar all of our stories are- the sickness, the search for truth, the cats. The lengths to which male-made society has gone in order to keep us separate and thwart our every instinct is truly a (horrific) marvel.


  4. Hi Nat! I totally agree with the synchronicity as well as the sense of aloneness that male-led society seems to delight in both creating and exploiting. I have enjoyed your comments and, like you, have felt less alone in reading both this blog and the other. Sadly, I don’t know anyone IRL who sees this society for what it really is.


  5. Cannabis Refugee Esq., thank you for responding!

    I hope you never have to go there re: stages of Crohn’s. If I had the resources, you would have your medicine for the rest of your life. I hate that we live in a world where most people are opposed to everyone having the food/medicine/shelter they need without prerequisites (well, except rapists–let them starve and suffer).

    Your writing absolutely did, and does, make me realize I’m not insane OR the only one who sees the truth, first about sex (not gender!), childbirth, PIV, and males, and now about certain chronic illnesses (particularly GI issues), doctors, medical “treatments”, the illusion of an economic safety net, and voluntary euthanasia. Even if there is nothing to be done about the problems, acknowledging the existence and extent of the problem can be huge after I’d been gaslit about this stuff since young girlhood!

    I remember your post on how even radical feminists eventually expel the “nuts”, and how they refuse to recognize the innateness of the violent male nature as opposed to female nature, which cannot be known, since male-led society has tortured, brainwashed, and selectively bred us for thousands of years. The truth–about maleness or Crohn’s– is that neither radfems nor Western medicine can solve the problem of, respectively, male violence (including harm-by-dick) and Crohn’s. Neither group wants to admit it, though. So the radfems/doctors either obscure this truth with false equivalencies (men aren’t innately violent because women aren’t innately submissive!, chronic equals manageable, treatments are safe and effective) or by blaming the truth-teller/victim (excluding the “nutty” radical feminist, isolating her/refusing to believe the ill woman about how her own body feels/blaming her for “,noncompliance” with barbarous non-working “treatments” while making it nearly impossible to obtain relief outside the sadomedical system OR the relief of chosen, peaceful death.

    Meanwhile, those mommy bloggers who try to giggle about their “tummy troubles” and ignore the potential severity of their frequent GI distress are analogous to fun-fems in my opinion. Being a “sex worker” or having tons of PIV because “it empowers meeee!” and taking fertility treatments, having tons of kids, giggling about poop issues online doesn’t negate the trauma/physical pain suffered by their female body that was inflicted by male bodies and the polluted (by corporations run by males) planet. Nor does saying that I’m “denying their agency” (a big fun-fem ploy, as I’m sure you’ve had to hear many a time!)

    I am so angry that your family has gone down this road in regards to your disease. In a sane society you would have cannabis for your Crohns AND housing AND the organic food and supplements without cost just because you are a living being. This society charges a “life tax” which we must pay by, as you said, consuming, producing, reproducing, and obeying, with those who don’t/can’t deemed worthless and denied basic needs for survival. As I said earlier, I wish I had resources to ensure you would never have to worry about this again. By the way, I am curious, what would be a Patreon donation that would make an impact for you? I want to help as much as my resources allow.


  6. Hi Felinesforever, thank you for your excellent comment. I will respond more later, but for now regarding Patreon, please contact me using the contact form on the front page of this blog and I will definitely respond and answer your question. Thank you so much for wanting to help, I really appreciate it. Talk to you soon.


  7. So glad to find some more Femonade fangirls here! I, too, found it after Esq. took a 3 years break and I was so aggrieved that I couldn’t comment. Her and Witchwind’s “nutty” blogging saved and improved my life in all the fundamental ways. I gulped down the posts like they were an oasis in a desert.

    My experience with medical ignorance of an immune disease has been the same. I’ve gone to all of my medical appts in the past 2 years armed to the teeth with Googling on the new immune research + debunked exercise theory of ME. All of these different (some specialist ) Drs have the same ‘deer in the headlights’ look at best and wanna get rid of me quick at worst. What the hell is the point of their 6+ years of med school if they can’t be stuffed googling the progress on major untreatable diseases?

    Esq, here are my 10c on organic food:

    I spent my childhood in a backward country which gave me the gift of eating 100% organic, low on sugar food….cause of lack of ‘development’. All the fruit + veg was seasonal and people grew their own on small country plots. Anything you wanted out of season needed to be pickled or made into jam. All the meals were made from scratch. Snacks were simple: dried fish, sunflower seeds, bread (the kind that’s called “artisan wood-baked” here). The only sugar I consumed was in tea and desserts (the latter was an occasional treat).

    You can imagine my food shock upon arriving in the West! All the fruit & veg was tasteless. The bread was just bizarre (with the texture of candyfloss). The snacks were stuffed with sugar and a scary-looking list of chemicals. People were ignorant of the cancerogenic effect of frying sausages to a crisp or the must of eating fresh veggies daily. The produce was sold unripe & spray painted to look ripe!!!(that one just slayed me). I felt like I arrived on Mars with no human food available. These days my Mum actually grows some of our fruit & veg organically, and it’s the only thing that has the same full taste and smell as in my 3rd World childhood (during which I hadn’t even heard of food allergies)

    Do you see how twisted this is? That my poverty gave me the same food that’s considered so precious and expensive here in rich countries? Even in Japan the recent influx of Anglo food has put a dent in their famous longevity and elder health.


  8. All Western MENicine is good for: injuries and surgical emergencies. And pulling wisdom teeth. That’s all that the blunt, adrenaline-charged, tool-heavy male approach suits. Which is one step above psychiatry which is a 100% pseudo-science.


  9. Thanks for your 10c on organic food! Western women are supposedly so “privileged” but capitalism and patriarchy have separated Western women from food and water. There is nothing more oppressive than that, not restrictions on driving, on clothing, on freedom of movement, not lack of medical care, nothing is more oppressive than keeping people out of the food (and water) supply chain. Is there? Something to think about. The woman who taught me that has closed up her blog so I can’t link to her work but the concept is simple enough to hear once and remember forever. Like alot of what’s worth knowing probably. And I have heard only good things about Russia from people who have actually been there, for example, men drink themselves to death early on and leave the women the hell alone. Women are given free baseline apartments so do not have to rely on men for a roof over their heads. And yes, the horrible oppressive Russian state has banned GMOs from entering the Russian food supply chain. Yes? Sounds like paradise compared to what “privileged” American women are dealing with over here. Russia is still a shitshow in its own patriarchal way I’m sure, but food and water is more important than Americans have been led to believe. I can’t even believe I just typed that. Food and water is extremely, extremely important. Duh.


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