What “Family” Means to Me. A Lil Holiday Perspective. Or, Christmas Family Portraits I & II. (An Antinatalist Post)

I highly recommend Teri Strange’s Antinatalism series on her YouTube channel, as well as the comments below the vids.  In the spirit of Christmas, I would like to offer a little perspective on “family” and exactly what family means (and doesn’t mean) in the context of capitalism and patriarchy.  In case anyone is wondering or just not completely clear why their family stresses them out so much, about why the holidays suck, about why everyone drinks heavily and talks small (or fights, or uses passive aggression) when they get together “for the holidays” or why they never get together much if at all, I hope this will help.  I understand that this will be controversial for most of the human population but don’t bother trolling me with pro-family comments, I am completely immune.  Having a family myself I fucking know better, and I know that as much as anyone defends “family” with jerking knees thinking that what I’m saying doesn’t apply to them, the kinds of things I am talking about here are actually universally applicable and apply to everyone under the current system even if the details are not exactly the same.  And like everything that’s true and real, it’s true and real whether anyone chooses to believe it or not.

And remember: just because you don’t personally know about it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

So without further ado, I offer the following Christmas Family Portrait(s):

Christmas Family Portrait I.

On Grandparents.

Grandfather.  Your grandfather was the man who was legally entitled to rape his wife, your grandmother.  And we all know that men will be goddamned before they decline to exercise an actual or perceived right; in a sexual context that’s especially frightening because the other thing men love to do is push boundaries, and beyond that, they take things to which they aren’t entitled at all.  So if he was legally entitled to rape your grandmother you can be pretty certain he did and he probably did a bunch of other horrific shit to her too.  If your grandparents weren’t legally married he may not have had the legal right to rape her, but then where did your parents come from?  Think about that just a little bit.  Do you really think your grandmother probably said “Hell yeah!” to the prospect of being ejaculated into by your grandfather when there was no such thing as reliable birth control back then and when abortion was probably illegal?  Was your grandfather just so fucking sexy that she actually had to fuck him even though she could literally die?  Or is there another — any other — explanation that makes more sense than that?  Think before you answer.  And don’t lie.  Also, for all you know your grandfather could’ve been an unknown assailant or John.

Grandmother.  Your grandmother was the woman who was literally owned by your grandfather, or if she wasn’t literally owned by him she was only a generation or perhaps 2 away from that and she actually knew women — her own mother and grandmother and other female relatives — who were literally owned by their men.  She had no legal, moral, intellectual or other right to bodily autonomy and her husband could and likely did rape her at will, literally as much as he wanted and surely more than she could stand.  She became impregnated under these circumstances, probably more than once, but surely once was enough to teach her certain things about life.  About how the world works.  About her own worth, and the worth of her offspring.  If she had girl children it was literally her job to break them.

Gestating and birthing children under these conditions likely caused her to become sick and weak and she may or may not have ever recovered.  Perhaps experiencing her own physical limitations for the first time she surely began to wonder what would happen to her in the future, especially once she became old.  All of this has colored your grandmother’s perspective, as did the fact that she was not permitted to speak about any of this and where even thinking it was a bona fide Thoughtcrime — just as it is today.  In order to get through the day under this horrific regime, she probably self-medicates/d.  She may even heavily self-medicate, causing side effects like addiction, brain damage or more.  She may have survived one or more suicide (or murder) attempts.  If she was ever institutionalized, your grandfather probably had her put there.  She may wish she had never been born at all.

On Parents.

Father.  Depending on how old you are, your father was the man who was legally entitled to rape his wife, your mother.  In the United States, marital rape — a husband raping his wife in other words, because let’s get fucking real — was not universally legally barred until the 1990s.  The fucking 1990s!  I won’t Google that for you because I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t forget a thing like that, but just in case I’m off by a couple decades ask yourself if it really fucking matters that much.  My parents were married in 1969 and marital rape was certainly legal then, and abortion may or may not have been legal or available, and contraception may or may not have been legal or available.  All of this happening at the same time meant that, just as in your grandparents’ case, it was the male — your father, not your mother — who decided whether your mother had children, under what circumstances, how many she had, and when and if she would ever be allowed to stop.

Your father may have also been your own rapist and/or fathered one or more of your own children, or one or more of your sister’s children.  One or more of the people you think are your siblings could actually be your half-sibling and niece/nephew at the same time, being the offspring of your father and your sister.  If that were true you likely would never know.  Other people (like your mother) may know about this and they may not.  Your father may have a second or even a third “family” you don’t even know about and your family may not even be his primary family (your mother could be the “other woman.”  Stranger things have happened.)  Your father may’ve even killed your mother; if your mother is dead he is the primary suspect, even if the death appears natural or via suicide.  Like your grandfather, your father also could’ve been an unknown assailant or a John.

Mother.  Your mother was impregnated under conditions of capitalism and patriarchy, the same general conditions as was her own mother.  This happened at least once but probably more than once.  One or more of her pregnancies were likely unwanted and/or due to rape.  The number of siblings you have is not necessarily reflective of how many times she was impregnated, it could easily have been more, and it could’ve been a hell of a lot more.  There is a decent chance that your mother had an abortion or committed infanticide.  You probably will never know any of this because your mother probably won’t tell you.  If she had girl children (you) it was literally her job to break them (you).

Because a lot of her reality is distasteful and depressing, your mom probably lies a lot, to other people and to herself.  She probably self-medicates and may even have brain damage from drug and alcohol abuse, or from the effects of violence, including self-inflicted violence and attempted suicide.  There are things she cannot speak, there are things she cannot think: she may not have wanted you or one or more of your siblings.  She may not have wanted children at all.  Like your grandmother before her, your mother certainly had hopes and dreams for her life that never materialized.  If your mother was murdered, it was probably your father who killed her.  If she killed herself it was probably his fault.  If she killed him he probably deserved it.

On Aunts/Uncles.  If you have aunts and uncles that means that your parents had siblings — your grandmothers were impregnated more than once under conditions of capitalism and patriarchy and that this was many years ago where women had little to no say in how many children they had or whether they had children at all.  In all likelihood, one or more of your aunts and uncles was unwanted by your grandmother and she had them out of coercion and lack of control over her own life.  One or more of your aunts and uncles were likely the product of rape, either by the man you know as your grandfather, or by another man.  It’s possible that the other man is someone only your grandmother knows about and that she took that secret to her grave.  Your aunts and uncles are your parents’ age and shared most of your parents’ experiences (see above) and as siblings they were/are all in direct competition with each other for societal and generational/familial resources.  Your aunts and uncles are siblings, and the boys very likely abused the girls, including sexually abusing them.  They may’ve even created shared children via incestuous rape.

On Cousins.  If you have cousins, that means your parents had siblings and your parents’ siblings had children.  That means that your aunts were impregnated under conditions of capitalism and patriarchy.  Your cousins are the same age as you and your siblings more or less, which means that they are in direct competition with you for societal and generational/familial resources.  By common sense alone, we know that some of them were unwanted by their mothers and yet were born anyway.  Some of your cousins may also be your grandfather’s children, which means they are both your cousins and your uncles/aunts at the same time via incestuous rape.  If you are female, it is likely that one or more of your boy cousins abused you, including sexual abuse, rape and impregnation.

On Siblings.  If you have siblings, that means that your mother was impregnated more than once under conditions of capitalism and patriarchy, the same general conditions as was your grandmother, and that she gave birth under those conditions at least twice.  There may’ve been additional pregnancies and children (additional siblings) that you may never know about.  There is an excellent chance that one or more of you were unwanted by your mother and she had you anyway.  One or more of you may’ve been the result of rape, contraception failure, or even a failed abortion.  Your siblings are in direct competition with you for generational/familial and societal resources and there truly may not be enough to go around.  If you were a multiple birth, your multiple was in direct competition with you in the womb and your mother was charged with caring for multiple newborns at the same time.  Some of your siblings may actually be your grandfather’s children, which means that they are both your sister/brother and aunt/uncle at the same time via incestuous rape.  There is a large chance that your father abused or even killed one or more of your siblings.  There is a decent chance your mother killed one or more of your siblings too.  Even if you were the one being abused you may never know for sure.

On Children.  If you have children, assuming you are female, that means that you were impregnated at least once under conditions of capitalism and patriarchy, the same general conditions as were your own mother and grandmother.  The pregnancies may or may not have been wanted.  If you have girl children it is literally your job to break them.  If you are male, that means that you impregnated a woman under conditions of capitalism and patriarchy in which you were in a position of relative power.  You may be a rapist, and you may or may not even know it (that distinction is up to her and whether she wanted the sex or not, it is not up to you to decide or even to know if she wanted it or not.  Think about that shit.)  You probably know though, let’s get real.

In the case of either parent, your children were given no choice as to whether they would be born or not, or under what conditions.  Your children may wish they had never been born at all, and considering that they were born under conditions of late to end-stage capitalism and patriarchy they have a legitimate point.  As a parent, your children are in competition with you for familial and societal resources but are also dependent on you for those same limited resources, creating a conflict of interest.  The world’s resources are dwindling by the day and through social and political forces you have been removed from easy (or any) access to food, water, shelter, safety, healing medicine or peace — the very things needed to sustain life — and you created life anyway.

Let’s be clear about that: as a parent of children under the current system you rely on a food and water supply chain controlled by others to feed and water your dependents, and if that supply chain ever breaks down for any reason your dependents will dehydrate, starve and die in extreme mental and physical pain.  And that will be your fault because you are 100% responsible for keeping dependents alive regardless of whether you have control over or access to the necessities of life.  On some level you surely know that which causes you anxiety and for women likely causes so-called “postpartum” anxiety, depression and even psychosis.  You probably blame your anxious, negative feelings about having procreated under conditions of capitalism and patriarchy on something (or someone) else because antinatalist thoughts and feelings are always redirected away from antinatalism and towards something, anything else.

If you had girls, there is a high chance one or more of them will be/have been raped by men.  If you had boy children there is a good chance your boy(s) will grow up to be (or already is) a rapist or other violent criminal.  Your boy child is highly likely to abuse your girl children and may even abuse you.  Since men die before women, it is likely that any male partner you may have will predecease you and that you will then look to your children to assist you in your old age.  You may or may not try to make other arrangements at which you may or may not find success.

As a parent, you may not have wanted your children at all and you may regret having had children under these conditions but there is nothing you can do about it now.  The only way to end your temporary legal — and lifelong moral — obligations to your children would be to literally kill them, but you’ve probably decided against that (or have you?)  You could also kill yourself and you may yet.  Other than that, if you are female you will be a mother for life, morally and intellectually (if not legally) responsible for your children on some level until your kids all die, or until you do.  You shoulder 100% responsibility but are granted little or no control, which are the objective markers of an unsatisfying career and warning signs for work-related psychological trauma, otherwise known as burnout.

Your children may also be the offspring of your father or grandfather, making them your half-siblings or aunt/uncle and your children at the same time.  If your grandfather or father abused you, there is a good chance they will abuse your girl children and you may or may not be able to stop it.  If your grandfather or father impregnates your girl child, the resulting child will be your aunt/uncle and grandchild at the same time, or your half-sibling and grandchild at the same time, respectively.  You may or may not ever know that your father or grandfather or other male relative impregnated your child.

On Grandchildren.  If you have grandchildren, and you are female, that means that you were impregnated under conditions of capitalism and patriarchy, that you created life under these conditions and all that entails, and that your children went on to do the same thing.  If your girl child has children, she is following in your footsteps and was impregnated under conditions of capitalism and patriarchy, the same general conditions as were your own mother and grandmother.  She may have wanted the pregnancies and she may not have.  She may have been raped and she may have married her rapist.  She also may not have married him.  You have no way of knowing who the father(s) of your grandchildren really are.  If your boy child “has children” that means your son impregnated a woman under conditions of capitalism and patriarchy, meaning from a position of relative power over the woman he impregnated.  Issues of power including relative power invoke issues of consent.  He may even be a rapist — you have proof that he had intercourse but no proof that the intercourse was wanted by the woman and you will never know for sure.  Sorry, but no you will not.

Under the usual scenario, you do not have legal responsibility for your grandchildren but you probably sense that you have moral or intellectual responsibility for them, because you created their parent, and this colors all your interactions with your grandchildren as well as with their parents.  Again, you shoulder up to 100% responsibility (generally excluding legal) but are granted little or no control.  Your grandchildren may also be the offspring of your husband, making them your step-children and your grandchildren at the same time.  You may never know for sure.  But then again, you might know everything, including the fact that you didn’t do enough (or anything) to stop it.

Christmas Family Portrait II:

Family-Matching-Winter-Snowman-Pajamas-PJs-I said most of what I had to say on the topic of begetting in the comments of the above video.  If anyone has anything to add/discuss, please leave comments below.

ETA: I just realized I wrote an entire post on family here — nearly 3000 words — and only used the word “love” once in the context of men loving to push boundaries including rape.  If that doesn’t about say it all in one frame I wouldn’t know how to improve it.

32 thoughts on “What “Family” Means to Me. A Lil Holiday Perspective. Or, Christmas Family Portraits I & II. (An Antinatalist Post)

  1. I just realized I wrote an entire post on family here — nearly 3000 words — and only used the word “love” once in the context of men loving to push boundaries including rape.  If that doesn’t about say it all in one frame I wouldn’t know how to improve it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Here’s what I think is disturbing. You are trolling a chronically ill woman who does not have the energy to deal with you. You are gaslighting another woman, telling her that what she sees with her own fucking eyes, things that are actually demonstrably true based on actual evidence isn’t real, because you say it’s cynical. Notably, you don’t actually say anything I’ve written about here is false and you probably don’t think it’s false, you just think it’s wrong to notice it or to talk about it. You support patriarchal institutions including capitalistic patriarchal medicine (psychiatry) and you use it as a weapon against other women. You do all of this, thinking that you are feminist and that your behavior is feminist. How about this? Fact check me, bitch. If one single thing I’ve written here is actually untrue I will retract it.


  3. This genderskeptics person obviously doesn’t want to see the truth because it would implicate her Nigel and precious baybee boy/s, ie future rapists. Or else he has a penis and cares more about his boners than anything else. And couldn’t care less about chronic illness, because like everything else horrific to one’s bodily health and autonomy, it almost exclusively affects females.

    This therapizing of women who speak the truth is enraging.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is what “feminism” looks like when it begins and ends with this gender bullshit. What a mistake it was to take feminism down that road honestly. What has all the gender talk actually done for women? Men can wear sparkly shirts but women still can’t speak in public without being threatened with being burnt at the stake, in this case via Western psychiatry. It *is* enraging. And yes, “gender critical” feminists are indistinguishable from men in their understanding and application of radical feminism. It’s nauseating and a complete waste of time.


  5. My great grandma died of an abortion (legal or not) after having 5 girls. My mum almost died of of sedation overdose in a legal one (when she already had me). She’s abused me my whole life due to being pressured into having me (a must in her culture to have a kid by 25). She waited till 25.5 lol. I have great trouble explaining to people that I was planned and yet still unwanted. She did verifiably think of suicide stemming from childbirth PTSD (caused by patriarchal ‘medicine’).

    I’ve felt guilty for existing because I clearly cut her fun-loving life short forever. So i tried so hard to please always that I have lifelong trauma and ridiculous health damage stemming from it. I’ve been working for my keep for her since I was 7. Gilmore Girls is a beloved show for me because it’s a fantasy of what mine and her life could be like. I have a write-up coming up of my other favourite (Po5) that has many sneaky feminist ant-family messages in the subtext.

    I have nothing to do with my 2 known male relatives because they are both stinky smoker alcoholics mooching off my female family. In fact, FAMILY means “slaveholding” in latin. “Husband” has the same root as “husbandry” of domestic animals. Mary gave birth in a stable. Getting the drift here?…..

    ….women & girls have the same or lower status than DOMESTIC ANIMALS. Family exists only to perpetuate the frail, on the respirator Y chromosome (read Trust Your Percepions, everyone!)


  6. I come from a culture where some unreliable legal contraception, abortion + easy divorce has been available to womyn for exactly a century. Both my sets of grandparents are divorced.

    Think it made that much that much of a difference? It alleviated some female harship – yes. But only on the same superficial level as modern Womens’ Lib gains here. It did not fundamentally change the phallocratic purpose of family & PIV.


  7. Most people can’t handle the truth that their mommies probably didn’t want them or were ambivalent about them at best. Most desperately wanted babies come from infertile couples it seems, everyone else is just an intercourse hangover of varying degrees of awfulness. Why is this so hard to accept when everyone knows how hard it is to have consequence-free recreational PIV? What is that little pill women take every day actually for? How many of us have peed on a stick at Target on our lunch breaks atheist-praying that it’s one line and not two? The prospect of pregnancy is horrifying to almost all women almost all the time. I don’t know why women think their experience of this is so different from their mothers’ and grandmothers’. It’s just denial and some weird mommy-pedestal everyone puts their mommies on. My mother told me directly that I was unwanted as were my siblings. She told me my dad used to rape her. She also told me she doesn’t like me and she only loves me because she has to. (I had to laugh out loud at that one, considering that I feel the same about her). She gave me my own baby book a long time ago because the pictures of my infancy mean nothing to her. I thought that was weird at the time, and I said why give me my own baby book? Those are your memories, not mine. She gave it to me anyway. I’m pretty sure it was left behind when we abandoned our apartment after Hurricane Sandy. Sentimentality? LMAO. Not in my family. My grandmother told her second-born daughter (my oldest aunt) she nearly aborted her. My aunt was soooo offended, especially considering that she and my uncle (her husband) had just taken in both my grandmother and grandfather as their health began to decline and they couldn’t live in their own home anymore. There may indeed be something wrong with the women in my family in that they tell the truth about this shit, but it’s still the truth. Anyone with eyes can see so, especially once it’s pointed out. Everyone else is lying or just in hard core denial about the awfulness of the married/nuclear family and the havoc it wreaks on women’s lives.


  8. More on language:

    I listened to a recording of Daly.Thin

    I’d question the infertile aspect too. Womyn are heavily brainwashed into baby-making. Putting yourself through IVF and the big capitalist fertility industry is an ordeal nobody sane & not pressured would go through. The harm is further spread by outsourcing to poor women both in 1st and 3rd world via surrogacy. Even adopted kids often don’t fare so well. There are VERY few genuinely maternal women out there and even they would rather not be pregnant.

    I flipping hate celebrities who give Orwellian speeches on how they LurveD pregnancy. I was impressed by Dana Delany for saying that she adores her now man-free childfree life & that marriage + having kids (even girls – so not little oppressors) ruined her mother’s creativity. SHe sounds like a closet radfem. Stuff like this spills through the cracks of Tinseltown censorship. Amy Poehler didn’t wanna work with babies cause she was over them after having had 2.

    &what is with the sudden pregnancy syndrome the moment women obtain success? It happens from PMs ((current NZ one)…….to actresses on their sole/1st hit show (3 kids on Bewtiched! 2 in the 1st 2 years! By her showrunner (of that show) spouse!!)….to tennis players. Do you really think that the NZ PM really thought: “Hey, I just got elected to run a country. Great time to have a kid!”?!


  9. Since the family environment is traumatising and damaging to girls from the moment they are born, and repeated interactions with the agents of that trauma (ie, The Family) are therefore also traumatising and damaging on at least some level, the forced reunion of family for the holidays has always struck me as something of a punishment. The barely-repressed misery at work behind the scenes is a staple of festive comedy sketches precisely because it’s absolutely commonplace. And on what single condition are ‘adult children’ given approved leave from this annual exercise? Why, that they have their own children and host their own exercise, of course. Unless and until people reproduce, the mandate is to return to the stage of their childhood trauma year after year after year, lest they upset their mothers and society collapses and the entire world ends.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Dana Delaney is interesting. She was offered the lead in Sex and the City and she turned it down because she didn’t want to do a show about sex. Excellent choice Dana! Can you imagine that being your job for 7 years or whatever plus films? Talk about traumatic. Of course, the part went to Sarah Jessica Parker, a known descendent of an accused witch from the Salem witch hunts. Clearly SJP has the generational STFU gene and now just does what she’s told. She also permanently ruined her feet from the shoes they made her wear on set. She has spoken publically about that and did an episode of “Who Do You Think You Are” where she discovered her family history/legacy.

    The annual forced holiday reunion is definitely a punishment isn’t it. One thing it does is to reign the single women back in for a proper flogging/schooling (re-education, retraining) about how they are doing their lives wrong. Coupled with the traumatic setting that has to have some effect. And yes, it’s all so common it’s become a joke, and some fucking gender skeptic comes on here and tells us all it’s not real. How do people live with themselves when they are clearly so stupid? How did they even survive into adulthood with nonexistent cognitive skills? I honestly wonder. They must have someone else looking out for them? If that’s the case, and what allows people to be so stupid I guess I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had anyone looking out for me a fucking day in my life and certainly not as an adult.

    My grandfather is apparently dying and last week my mom texted me and asked me to send him a last Christmas card. Papa is the one everyone loves while Nana was roundly hated (she died in 2005). At her funeral, the only person who got up to tell a story was my aunt (the one Nana nearly aborted) who told a story about how Nana once beat them all with a spatula for playing in melted tar in the street. Nana was miserable because she was a domestic servant for rich people since the age of 13 and Papa made her respectable: he knocked her up, married her, then knocked her up 5 more times when she never wanted kids at all. I’m sure at Papa’s funeral everyone will remember him as a kind man who loved his “family” and was always in a good mood. Of course he was always in a good mood! He had community standing and a professional domestic, and his own personal sexual toilet. It’s easy to be in a good mood when you have your every need met and people think you’re awesome. Papa is the reason I’m only 75% genetic white trash instead of 100%. His family was respected in the community although they were not wealthy. I’m still not exactly sure why except Papa is 98 now and his family immigrated there has been around those parts for a long time. Nana is the reason my mom married white trash: Nana made sure her kids knew that white trash weren’t necessarily bad people. What she was really saying is that marrying up is no picnic. I hate to think what Papa and his family put her through, and her own kids still hate her to this day for punishing (socializing) them and being in a perpetually bad mood. SMDH.


  11. Dana’s awesome. She also turned down Brie in Desperate Housewives for it being backward with women ^ the kind of part that middle aged actresses would get into fist fights over. She relented later on, so they wrote another role for her.


  12. I couldn’t get through 5 mins of PIV in NYC (good on ya for the moniker!) with 2 attempts ` although the other 3 not SJP actresses are very good. It’s like they didn’t know what to do after Dana declined * so they just hired some random. Mind you – SJP’s foot torture devices were half the height of the current stripper heel variety. Eva Longoria suffered through 8 years in the new extra sadistic ones on DH and somehow still managed to give a firecracker performance. How could she even concentrate? Do the legs just go into shock after a while or something? SJP should be entitled to sue the channel for grievous bodily harm.

    Mary constantly reminded the audience of the true meaning of words behind the double-think >like the example I gave with Husband~Husbandry:

    _fuck you; get fucked; I’m truly fucked; screwed; screwed over; screw it; suck it; this sucks; motherfucker; cunt; you’re a pussy; he’s a dick; wanker; jerk; jerk around; douche.

    Think about what all of the above insults~negative outcomes really mean.<All denote penile insertion to be a REALLY BAD THING for the inserted one. <The last one is a 1st wave contraceptive method, later the infamous Lysol <1 denotes incest against the powerless mother <2 degrade the channel of all human life (1 signifies weakness) . Most notably:
    To be a Dick = To be mean.

    ^This here is everything that Family really is about..Mean penises going into oppressed birth canals/mouths & giving no respect to the outcome (motherhood) & sullying/twisting the damage control to produce further damage.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. This double speak is right in front of us in plain sight!%

    Mind you: other language is much the same. Russian has most of those in the same context. It even uses the expression “By your mother” to mean “To swear”. ‘To marry’ for a woman = ‘Go behind the husband’. For a man = ‘To acquire a wife’. Which is why I avoid the female variety ~ it makes me shudder

    Spanish has the expression Hijo de Puta = Son of a whore. So when a sex slave woman & her forcedly born male are not owned by a father = demoted status for the male, as it’s unclear specifically whose Y got passed on. Men must own their Y-lieanage,`hence the existence of family TM & consequently our whole society. This is why exclusive female ownership for breeding is called NUCLEAR @ the NUCLEUS of all social layers, institutions & systems. | everything we live


  14. I’ve yet to see a company name with “& Daughters” or *insert surname* Sisters.This is because the male ownership of family underpins capitalism. Daughters & sisters don’t pass on Ys – hence they don’t need capital to lure females into servitude for Y perpetuation.


  15. CRE, our grandma/grandpa sound similar. My grandma could not fake happiness so everyone else saw her as a drag. I loved her even though she definitely was into that thing female family members do to daughters–try to patriarchally “monitor” us “for our own good”. I could tell my grandpa was a meanspirited jerk (his two favorite phrases: “cantcha take a joke?” after insulting a female member of the family, and “ehh, pretty good” after a female member of the family was praised for, say, getting straight A’s in her report card, since we were encouraged to do well in school but little else) but everyone else thought he was “the nicest guy everrr!” and called my grandma “henpecking”. So typical.

    So I recently googled my ex girlfriend from college and a then lesbian feminist college friend. Both had careers that stalled (typical since this is what happens when women try to succeed–men don’t let them go far) and then they both quit, married males, and had baybeeee boys after “struggling with fertility due to age”. I suspect that in cases like these (later in life pregnancy following fertility treatments after being sabotaged in their career), women are sick of having their talents disrespected and literally don’t know what to do after years of hatred. So they think that by “surrendering” and doing what society has always told them to do (men, PiV, and baybees) they may finally get “respect”. Of course, we know that they will just be shit on in a different way as well as bored sick by the thankless, non-renumerated task of brat rearing, and often made physically ill by pregnancy, birth, and being pronged by Nigel. Ageism (which is really mistreatment of pretty much any female over 30 or so, not the reversal that ‘social justice’ has spun it as, ie ‘stop denying children’s AGENCY!!!111!!) plays a part in this as well. As for these women turning straight, it’s depressing but I’m not surprised given all the “wimminz are sexually fluidz!!!!” bullshit nowadays, ie ” fuck and objectify girls to turn on the peen, ALL females must take peen, wimminz ARE sex so being sexually repulsed or celibate isn’t allowed. Without sexay sex you might as well be dead, since that’s what you’re for. Also, masturbating isn’t allowed because clits don’t exist, only fake orgasms are allowed, and your sexuality is for everyone BUT YOU. ”

    They might as well call the two branches of feminism nowadays “Consent means you’ll never get raped, so Just Say Yes!! Sexay!” (liberal fauxminism) and “we hate trannies/gender nonconforming dysphoric females are gross” ( “rad” fauxminism). Both branches are pro-PiV and neither name nor address the true problems. Meanwhile, the remaining lesbian feminist types also are too obsessed with trans (less than 1 percent of the population!) and worship gay males (who are virulent misogynists with a fair amount of power). All branches love shitting on females who tell the truth, as you know, I’m sure. Genderskeptical obviously belongs to branch 2 if she isn’t a he, a “gender critical gay male”, who are some of the most female-hating people I have ever run across. You are very welcome, I can’t stand people like that.


  16. Reddit has found this post lol. “Genderskeptic” probably put it up there. HAI REDDIT! You internet graveyard for braindead MRAs and trolls! If any Redditers are actually married it’s only proof of everything we are talking about here (and paradoxically, what a matriarchy would look like in practice — the women work while men sit around wasting time and trying to stay out of trouble but not really.)


  17. Hi Antinatalist, thanks for your comments! My sister is less than a year younger than me (Irish twins, thanks dad) and she had a baby at nearly 40 because her career had stalled and she was sick and tired of the bullshit but her husband couldn’t have her just sitting at home being unproductive. What a great reason to reproduce (not). Of course, she is now saddled with an autistic 4 year old and she had to go back to work anyway! She got maybe a year off and now has to run around town dealing with childcare before and after work (and the work situation hasn’t improved with time, does it ever?) Her husband works odd hours in a creative and fairly lucrative field and gets to do whatever he wants, basically. He works alot but what’s that mean when you are “just” working and not being abused concurrently and stuck in a stalled pink ghetto career? Must be nice. And she was lucky enough to get a girl, but honestly does the world need anymore autistic children? Jesus. What an epic nightmare this is becoming. I’m sorry to hear that the lesbians are doing the same thing. I am consistently stunned what people will go through in order to survive. Of course, I am including myself in that assessment. It has been a slice of shit pie to realize there’s a survival instinct/lizard brain running my show that I didn’t even know was there. I didn’t even realize it was possible to suffer this much without dying but it is. Fucking great, just what I always wanted. Things are even worse than I had ever imagined, and I wasn’t wearing rose colored glasses before.

    My Papa seems to me to be legitimately good natured and does not have a mean or sarcastic bone in his body as far as I know. But that’s even worse isn’t it? Because it means that even the most good natured, kind man cannot be anything other than an oppressive monster to his own wife. Of course, he never offered to help me once I got sick and he let my aunt speak for the entire family by calling me a drug addict and dismissing me and he never once shut her down as far as I know. Addicted to medicinal MMJ, when the whole family are a bunch of drunks and my mom is addicted to opiates. LMAO. So IDK what he’s made of really. Perhaps the 6 unwanted children are all the evidence anyone needs, but they weren’t unwanted by him. I don’t think he just used his wife the way liberal men use theirs and are surprised or ambivalent it results in children, I think he actually wanted a large family and he imposed his will on his unwilling, vulnerable wife. I honestly don’t know what’s worse. At least his kids feel loved (unlike myself and my siblings) but they are also very misled as to what really went down in their nuclear family. The closest any of them ever got to figuring it out was to blame Nana for all their attitudes about not getting together or being a part of each other’s lives. lol. Sheesh. Makes me wonder who my REAL family is. Where the hell did I come from? These people are not my people. IDK. It’s so, so weird. And I’m legitimately surprised I even care (more lizard brain stuff about being alienated from your tribe).


  18. Also, my Nana policed all the girls too. One of the last times I saw her I had gained weight and she asked me how much I weighed now. LOL! She would probably be one to see me with profound Crohn’s related weight loss and tell me it’s an awesome diet and I look great. And yes she was a “drag” too. Once she and Papa went on a tropical vacation with their 2nd oldest daughter and her family and Nana mentioned at breakfast that someone famous had died (I don’t remember who). She had probably just heard it on the news when they were getting ready to go eat and she thought she would mention it, or was just trying to make conversation or whatever when she didn’t really want to talk to any of them anyway. Her mentioning it at breakfast was such an egregious downer that my uncle remembered it and thought to mention it to me like years later for some reason. How dare she bring an ugly reality into their middle class escapist vacation! The other things I heard about that vaca were how the “locals” were so sweet and they would literally do anything for an American dollar. Sweet. Nana should’ve stayed home and enjoyed the empty house instead of leaving the country to party with a bunch of escapist drunken dicks.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Here is the Reddit thread that brought over so much traffic https://www.reddit.com/r/GenderCritical/comments/a58kv1/probably_the_most_profound_description_of_what/

    The level of discussion over there is about what I remember: absolutely pathetic. It upsets me that people take my work elsewhere to discuss it but frankly when I see the level of discussion that’s actually occurring I prefer not to see it or be involved. Like that this piece was suicide-baiting. Did I ever suggest anyone do that? Or did I merely observe that death is the only way to exit the parent role especially for mothers? Like that most people are the product of incest. Was that ever actually said? Or are people trying to act like incest isn’t real? Like I told anyone to distance themselves from their families, instead of merely providing some CONTEXT as to why when they do get together with family it’s incredibly stressful and many people don’t really understand why, just that it is. Like, I LITERALLY said that! I spelled it out in the beginning what this piece was for.

    And my all time favorite: the author seems angry and hurt, and possibly mentally ill, that said, she does make some good points. LMAO! Then why does it matter if I’m angry and hurt or mentally ill (or if I’m not?) Ad hom much? Oh that’s right, some of these folks are clearly educated and educated people know ad hominems are wrong, except when used against radical feminists and other women who say things you don’t personally like. Maybe someone should inform these chumps that ASD females don’t really get angry OR hurt, not the way most people think of that. And mentally ill? Please. Try physically ill and trying to survive in this fucking insane asylum of late stage capitalism and patriarchy. There are a couple of thinking people over there but they are a distinct minority. I can only feel bad for anyone with a functioning thought process that they choose to deal with these cretins who don’t even know how to read.


  20. Actually maybe this one is my favorite: I disagreed with it so much/it was so factually incorrect I couldn’t even read it. So what are you disagreeing with if you didn’t even read it? How do you know it’s wrong if you have no idea what it actually says? What the fuck is wrong with people and why do people put up with this shit? I know, I know, it’s an intellectual wasteland out there and people are just happy to be able to say “woman” instead of menstruators or whatever, lest they be censored for being anti-trans. They are willing to put up with having kindergarten level discussions about important subjects because most forums won’t allow any discussion or even mentioning of these issues at all. I get it, and yet I can’t help but think (or hope, maybe) that there are better ways thinking people could be spending their time.


  21. Bahaha, “promoting anti-natalism is suicide-baiting” from one of the reddit geniuses at “gendercritical”!!! Ok, gendercritical, then by this standard you have literally caused the suicide of 1,00000000,00000infinity trans women by operating a Reddit critical of gender! Fucking hypocrites.


  22. Haha! It is hypocrisy, you’re absolutely right. That’s also what men always say when they read radical feminist writing because everything always has to be about them and their responses are always totally important: what am I supposed to do, kill myself? LOL. As if they need women’s permission to do anything. I also fail to see how anti NATALISM is suicidal since we are talking about not creating life in the first place, and you can’t kill something that never existed at all. They seem to think failing to reproduce themselves is the same thing as killing themselves. That’s disturbing and says quite a lot considering that it requires a human vessel to reproduce yourself and a lot of women aren’t interested but who cares what women want? Which is EXACTLY the theme of this post they supposedly disagree with. It burns sometimes, it really fucking does.


  23. Mental health only gets to undermine womens expression. Being a “mad genius ” only enhances a dude’s validity.

    What a coincidence that both Firestone & Solanas had “paranoid schizophrenia”. Both told the fundamental chromosomal truth about men’s world & were gaslit until they had a rational reaction to an insane world: so called insanity.

    Female madness consists of an unwillingness to go along with mans mad institutions & being broken into them at all cost. Our whole world is asylum which the insane (ie. males) run.

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  24. Mans meaning of suicide : death of Y chromosome. Reproducing themselves via the X chromosome is the only goal of their existence. Hence son “preference”. Stop forcing XX to produce XY > the Y disappears & we revert 2 parthogenesis or use the whiptail lizard model/ Kaguyamouse technique


  25. …cause there is no YY. They need us to parasically reproduce them & new breeding vessels for them. Hence Family. Isn’t a symbiotic relationship between sexes. It’s parasitic in the pure zoological sense.


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