PSA: How To Report A Threat Of Violence to Increase Chances Of Arrest, Hold & Criminal Charges (Or, The One That Maybe Didn’t Get Away).

It really bothers me that I’m sitting on all this legal knowledge, experience and skill and there’s nothing I can do with or about it.  Because of the pain and symptoms of my disease I am definitely not physically or mentally able to practice law full time anymore, but as I learned early on, to my crushing dismay, there is really no such thing as a part-time attorney.  This profession is still a bros club which means that it requires long hours and plenty of so-called face time, exactly as much as you would expect in order to squeeze most women out of most of the best positions while simultaneously providing cover, excuse and alibi under which powerful men commit adultery, avoid emasculating and squikky domestic chores, and otherwise abuse their power at women’s and everyone’s expense.  Seriously, don’t let the relatively high rate of female law graduates fool you into thinking the law is a reliably safe, lucrative or accessible field for women because it’s definitely not.  Fuck me did I learn that one the hard way.

But you know what?  I’m not dead yet and I’m still breathing and conscious and pissed off enough to write this post so I’m going to write it.  Today, my upstairs neighbor had what was apparently a psychotic break and started throwing bottles of piss and garbage into my yard and threatened my life.  I called the cops and made a report.  He was arrested and removed based on my statement and that of other witnesses (crime victims are technically just witnesses ourselves) and my property manager cleaned and disinfected my yard at my request.  The cops, firemen, first responders and the whole damn town apparently turned up to watch the show.  What they didn’t get to see was the man who threatened and assaulted me get off with a warning or with no consequences at all.  Who knows what the second act will be but the first act saw my assaulter arrested and taken to the hospital first, then presumably to jail.

I am writing this post to give a practical, technical example of proper reporting behavior/content to victims who report threatening or violent behavior, which reporting will leave the cops with little choice but to arrest, hold and charge the perpetrator with a crime.  Little choice is not no choice of course and they could still let him out/off at any time.  That’s probably exactly what will happen in the end, but I gave them as little choice as possible and increased the chances of an arrest, hold and charge the best I could.  Here’s what I did.  The short answer is, you have to answer YES to both of the following questions if you want the incident to be taken as seriously as possible at the reporting stage, hopefully ensuring that your attacker is arrested and taken to jail, that he is held there, and that he is properly charged with a crime.

Question 1.  When he threatened you, did you believe him?

When the cop asked me if I believed the threat, I SAID YES.  If the cops ask if you believe the threat you have to say YES or the threat is probably not a crime.  And I did believe it.  Dood looked like he was about to come out of his window right then and there so even though he was on the second floor I felt I was in imminent danger and that the threat against my life could be reasonably carried out.  He also lives within a 30 second walk of me.  This question can be asked in many ways that sound like this: “You didn’t believe he would hurt you, did you?”  “You didn’t feel threatened though, right?”  This is a trick to get you to answer wrong and so they can leave without arresting him and avoid the paperwork and whatnot.  Don’t fall for it.  Whatever way the question is asked, make sure you convey and are understood to mean that you believed the threat.

Question 2.  Did he scare you?

When the cop asked me if what this man said and did scared me, I SAID YES.  If the cops ask if you were scared, you have to say YES or whatever he did to you is probably completely fine.  And he did scare me.  When I realized that he could be in my yard in point-nothing seconds with his crazyeyes and whatnot, I was scared.  When I recognized that my upstairs neighbor is a fucking prick who threatens to kill women, I was scared.  Like the first question, this question can be asked in many ways so be careful: “You probably don’t scare too easy though, right?” “You weren’t really scared though, were you?”  Don’t let these pricks fool you into answering wrong.  Whatever way the question is asked, make sure you convey and are understood to mean that you were scared.

Now ask me if I am sympathetic to my upstairs neighbor because he sits in his apartment pissing in bottles and being a crazy shithead who threatens to kill women.  Nope.  Even though everyone in my apartment complex — including my own disability advocate — who I saw express anything about the incident expressed sympathy for him (the poor crazy guy) and expressed no sympathy for me at all as the victim, I can honestly say and will apparently be the only one to say FUCK HIM A MILLION TIMES, I don’t give a fuck if he’s crazy.  If it weren’t for the piss in the bottles thing his woman-hating worldview and woman-directed violence would be indistinguishable from those of a regular guy and I treated him as such.  Actually what the fuck am I even saying, men piss in fucking bottles all the time.  I’m not convinced he is crazy, just male.  I don’t feel sorry for him at all, I don’t regret dropping a dime on his ass, and I’m officially not even concerned with all the numerous excuses there probably are for his threatening, violent behavior.  Later dood.

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