Of All The Things I’ve Lost, I Miss My Mind The Most. Ft. Joker

I recently wrote on my Patreon about Dave, my new disability advocate who seemed like he was going to be helpful for once.  Where my previous advocate was good at bleating on endlessly about my alleged “rights” as a disabled person, wasting my time and energy listening to her while not actually helping me gain access to resources, my new advocate put on a seriously impressive show.  Because I don’t have a car and am generally too sick to walk or ride my bike more than a couple of blocks, and likely too sick to drive even if I had a car, he arranged to pick me up for our appointments and afterwards took me back home.

Because I no longer possess executive function and cannot consistently or reliably complete tasks that require it (read: the stuff corporate executives pay other people to do for them, particularly female people, namely secretaries, wives and others) this man filled out applications for me, doing some of them online, addressed and mailed the ones going out of town and hand-delivered the rest.  This was almost unbelievably (!) helpful and I felt cautiously optimistic that things might finally be on the right track: a track towards getting me the disability and need-based benefits I’m entitled to as a seriously ill person with a disabling incurable, progressive disease.

To wit, Social Security benefits, into which I have paid since I started working when I was 15 and which they will just give to me freely if I live long enough but for which I have to beg in order to receive now, and housing, food and cash assistance that will help me stay in my little apartment, run my small business and somewhat control my environment and my access to climate control/lights/running water/refrigeration/toilet etc. and privacy and relative peace in which to care for my 2 adopted shelter cats and manage the daily pain and indignities of my disabling autoimmune disease.

The online application for SSD was returned to me in hardcopy to review, sign and return.  lol.  Along with a notice that if I want to also apply for SSI, the “other” form of disability-based benefits that’s basically exactly the same as SSD and as far as I know requires mostly the same information sent to the same place, I had to do a separate application for that.  lol.  The application for food and cash assistance was “never received” by social services, according to social services, even though Dave hand-delivered it and watched them time/date stamp it himself.  lol.

Dave had also assured me that I was a candidate for vocational rehab, which agency would easily and gladly find me a part-time work-from-home job tailored to my new dis/ability and help me do and keep it, as well as offering me various assistance with my small business including accounting and other administrative support, technical assistance and equipment including a new laptop and other things.  lol.  Most of that seemed unlikely at best but I almost believed it: my hope went from none to about 3.5% — that’s 3-and-a-half percent — because anything higher than that is frankly completely insane and I knew better but I did it anyway.  It was mostly involuntary because that’s the thing with humans innit.  They (we) seem predisposed to hope, against the odds and against all evidence.

When I spoke with someone at voc rehab, she informed me that she had just that very day had to have a “talk” with Dave who apparently keeps making inappropriate referrals and making promises to sick and disabled people that voc rehab simply does not/cannot keep.  They don’t do any of what Dave told wasted an hour of my time and about 3 days worth of spoons telling me about, and what is available is only available to people starting new businesses.  People with existing businesses get nothing.  lol.

As for getting me a coveted “work from home” light-duty position that myself and everyone else and all their relatives also want, and might actually need, they don’t do that at all.  They might be able to help me keep a job I already have but I don’t have one, and there is no realistic way I will ever get one as even the application and interview process is too grueling a task for me now.  Not to mention that I’m too sick to consistently show up and produce quality work anyway because even if a sick person can still produce quality work sometimes when they feel relatively well, chronic illness = unpredictable = unreliable = unhireable.

I put myself through law school with absolutely no help of any kind, took the hardest bar exam in the country if not the world and passed it on the first try, but that — meaning, looking for, applying for and getting jobs, something I could do as a 15 year old and did for 25 years of my life — that I can no longer do.  lol.

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I only saw “Joker” once but from what I recall, a bunch of white men and their white male “disability” system made another white man even more crazy than he was before and he killed some of them.  I see absolutely no problem with that.

Today is Thanksgiving in the United States.  I don’t know what this means in other places that also celebrate this holiday at different times, but I know what it means here.  So Happy Celebration of Indigenous People Being Genocided By White Men Day y’all.  Make sure you are sufficiently “grateful” to our male owners/corporate and government overlords for allowing us to just-barely exist (to serve them) until we literally, physically can’t do it anymore or die trying.  This world is fucking crazy man.  It’s absolutely insane.

Comments Open.

48 thoughts on “Of All The Things I’ve Lost, I Miss My Mind The Most. Ft. Joker

  1. Hi Mary. Happy Celebrating Unconscionable Behavior (of some people but not others) Day. Someone recently observed that “benefits” are set up for caretakers to apply for for themselves (allegedly on behalf of disabled people but really not) so that caretakers don’t have to provide financial assistance themselves. It does nothing for an unsupported sick person who is too sick to apply for anything, or to see it through, even where anything is actually available and it rarely is. I thought that was astute. Thanks for reading. xx

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  2. Yeah, I’m not surprised by anything you said. I knew where you were going with this after the first sentence. Bureaucracy promises one thing and then renigs as soon as your hopes are up. There was no “talk” with Dave. As for Thanksgiving, I make it mean what I want, which has nothing to do with entitled white European males committing genocide and stealing entire countries (I’m supposed to be grateful for THAT!?). I’m sure I could have handled living in Sicily, Germany or Wales (the birthplaces of my ancestors) and have been just fine without those arrogant assholes killing, raping and plundering so I can live in the land of the”free”. Americans are so gullible.

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  3. Sorry 😦 that’s the worst when you get your hopes up and then it’s just more crap. Honestly it has made me much happier to have low expectations for most things. Then good things are a pleasant surprise instead of being so disappointed.

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  4. Hi Michelle. Jeez, just when I think I’ve reached peak cynicism I realize I’m actually still a little bit gullible too. I believed her when she said she had a talk with Dave lol. White men always tell us we are so much better off for what they have done, like building roads and whatnot (after clearing the land of biomass including indigenous people) but roads only make it easier to kidnap and traffic women and it has always been so. God I hate them so much. Anyway. I hope you had a nice day and had some good food. I made sausage gravy with hand pulled noodles, it was delicious. Here is a Thanksgivingy story my readers might appreciate. I went to the store lastnight with a friend bc I desperately needed a resupply and I wanted to get a chicken and some sweet potatoes for Thanksgiving. While there I noticed that my store’s organic produce section has dwindled down to almost nothing. This has been a gradual change over the last 6 months or so. They started reducing their supply of organic meat 2 years ago. I had a low level panic attack while I contemplated the implications of that. Or was it the beginning of an autistic meltdown bc the store was hectic? Probably both. So I got a GMO chicken and some GMO sweet potatoes and I figured while I’m at it I may as well make myself sick as hell with some Jimmy Dean sausage. lol. This is truly the beginning of the end for me if I can’t even get organic food anymore. This town only has 2 supermarkets and this one was the one with the organic food. Jesus Christ I am so fucking screwed. Anyway. Thanks for reading and commenting. xx

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  5. Like Michelle, I see the holidays as meaning whatever I want it to mean and I just see Thanksgiving as about spending time with family and making some good food, not about what some old dead dudes did. And I wouldn’t exist if a bunch of groups of Europeans didn’t come here and have kids with each other and the native people, so that’s cool I suppose.

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  6. Hi anotherwoman. I can’t believe I got my hopes up even to 3.5%. I was so glad someone else did the paperwork since that’s the first most obvious “hurdle” (read: obstacle) to anyone getting benefits, but clearly it’s not the only obstacle. When I have the energy to do anything I always, always spend it on things that are actually going to help me, like a cleaning project, food preparation or working on the money-making part of my business. I don’t have anything left over for applications and shit, which is like playing a slot machine that never pays out. Honestly the best reason I can think of to do applications is “you can’t win if you don’t play” which is the state Lottery’s motto verbatim. Would anyone think a disabled person was remiss if they worked and DIDN’T go to the casino when they were feeling well? Bc that’s what it’s like for a disabled person to spend any time at all applying for things. It’s literally fucking gambling. Gambling with our spoons with no real reason to believe we will get anything in return.

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  7. Yeah totally they waste people’s time and energy in so many ways. That’s really how I feel about job applications too now. It’s so much of a gamble to spend all your time on and most applications are all online so you don’t even get to actually talk to anyone. That time could be spent doing actual tangible things for people to work for themselves but we are made to think we have to work for someone to live and it sucks our life out trying to.

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  8. Wait, what’s cool about being a Euro-descended rape-baby? Or is that sarcasm? I hope it’s sarcasm. I have French Canadian and Canadian First Nations ancestry. Guess which was the male and which was the female in that pair. Rape goes back in my family as far as there are family records and surely further than that. Same with most families probably. We exist because of rape, and our lives frankly reflect that very well. Speaking for myself, my very existence on this planet is an abomination, because of rape, which is exactly what it feels like (a rapey abomination). If you feel more positive about your own existence, or if yours is playing out better somehow, I’m not sure why. I feel like I should say “but I’m happy for you” if that’s the case but really I would just be confused.

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  9. Yes! Job applications and rental applications too. So many of them are scams now, and many places have housing shortages so the properties aren’t even available anymore as soon as you see the ad. It’s a complete waste of time and you are lucky if it’s even real. It’s really something.

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  10. Lol semi sarcastic I guess. I dunno I think existing is nice sometimes, sometimes yeah I feel like we’re all basically abominations though too. I don’t know about any raping specifically in my family but we’re pretty much all rape babies from some point. But regardless of how I ended up here I’m still me and I like being me even if I am in some freakish hell dimension, so yeah. Lots of contradictions.

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  11. Oh wow I haven’t heard of rental applications being scams. What’s the scam though? Why do they do it?

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  12. That’s crazy. I guess there would be people dumb enough to do it though.

    With the jobs I feel like some of the actual jobs are basically scams too because they pay you so little for your time and there’s always the promise that you’ll make more if you keep doing it. They know how badly people want to work at home and lots of people have no choice. I did transcription online for a while and it paid so little I wasn’t even able to make minimum wage but I kept thinking I’d be able to make more. You never know what you’ll make since you are paid based on how much you do, not how long it takes you and you get paid more after you have done it for a while. It ends up taking so long to do anything though that you can’t even make minimum wage and you just get exhausted and demoralized trying to do better. Maybe there’s a few people who are super fast typists who can make it worthwhile and who stick with it. But they’re mostly getting a bunch of people desperate for an at home job who they are paying slave wages for doing pretty hard work.

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  13. A lot of job ads are scams too, absolutely. It is very WTF that so many people need/want to work from home now. I think it’s yet another sign that everyone is sick now and/or caring for sick dependents. It’s not just caring for young but physically and mentally “well” children anymore but it includes that too. People are dumb enough to fall for scams but also, what’s dumb about sending $20 or whatever in with a rental application for a property (or job) you see online? If it was real, you would have to do the same thing esp if it’s in another town. IOW you apply for things without seeing anything/anyone in person. That’s the way everything works now. For every fake ad someone could get a $20 application fee from 500 people or whatever and then move on to the next ad with pics of something you don’t even own, or a job or another “opportunity” that doesn’t even exist. All this wasted time/energy, and potential wasted $ on applications/deposits etc is not anything any sick person can afford obviously. Well people can’t even afford it. But what does EVERYONE “suggest” to every sick person ever? Just get a job working from home! Like it’s so easy. THAT is legit stupid and I can’t tell you how many people have suggested that to me, harped on it even, as if I couldn’t think of that myself. Too bad 99% of it isn’t even real and most of the rest of it is stuff like what you describe. Shit work for less than minimum wage, and you are lucky to get paid at all.

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  14. Also, I notice that my replies are reading a little salty today. Sorry about that. Honestly it’s probably the GMOs. I had diarrhea for about 4 straight hours yesterday after eating my GMO chicken and sweet potatoes (I couldn’t wait for Thanksgiving and it was the first fresh food I’d had in weeks) and now I’m full of Jimmy Dean. Ugh. Anyway. I understand that some people enjoy their existences at some point, on some level, and I don’t begrudge anyone that. Of course they do. I used to enjoy mine sometimes, before I got sick (or sick-sick), despite everything. I was able to do and see some amazing things, I had some amazing experiences, like rock climbing, kayaking, a little travel, some good food, achievements and whatnot. Not so much anymore honestly. I’m sure it’s a combination of my circumstances and having a gut disease specifically. I still have moments and occasionally a full day or 2 but mostly I live in a state of completely oppressive terror for my short and long term future.

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  15. Yeah I didn’t think of that, that people would be applying to places out of town they wanted to move to and couldn’t go to see them first. Makes sense.

    The actual work at home jobs that pay decently are all so in demand that they have insane waiting lists to hire people too. My aunts do test grading online but you have to wait about a year before they might hire you, and they don’t even always accept applications because they get so many. So you do all this work on the application then wait a year or more and hope that if and when they contact you, you get their call or email in time to respond quickly cause if you aren’t on top of it they’d just move on to the next person.

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  16. Yes you have to keep the notifications “on” on your phone (and have and maintain a smart phone) 24/7 “just in case” you get a reply for anything, even in the middle of the night, because everything is so competitive and it will literally be gone if you even wait til morning to check emails and messages. It’s literally, literally insane.

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  17. Yeah, we’re supposed to be omni-available electronically, and instantaneously responsive meanwhile having everyone be oblivious to our actual physical state of being.

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  18. Yeah I totally get the state of terror. I’ve lived in a state of severe disability for long periods of time already and there’s always the looming possibly that I will get so bad again I will be bedbound and helpless in a system that sees the solution as poisoning me and paying for the privilege. All the work I did to get well enough to function again might go out the window at any minute and even if I was able to live in complete health, I still live in a poisoned rapey hell world where my pedophile corporate overlords make life and death decisions over me and random violent men carry out their sick urges freely.

    But despite all that I am something separate from all of it, yet part of everything in existence, and I feel that whatever is underneath all this horror is something beautiful. I don’t think life is inherently bad just because it has been perverted into this.

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  19. I had an old phone for a long time that was slowly crapping out on me and it really made me aware of how helpless you are without a cell phone now. It was a smart phone but from years ago and apps started not working and it was too old for most stuff anyway then it stopped ringing when people called. People don’t have landlines any more so if your personal phone is not working right and won’t reliability ring when someone calls you can’t even have people reach you. Everything is in apps now so my phone was not working with that and I couldn’t do any of the things to make money off apps or use them for coupons or anything. I couldn’t afford a decent new one and didn’t really want to spend money on a crappy one that still wouldn’t be able to do much.

    I was finally able to get a really good new phone when I got some more student loans recently to finish my degree and the phone alone was such a major life changing thing. Not only can I reliability reach people now and they can reach me, I have been able to figure out a bunch of ways to make some money here and there with different apps. I will tell you about them if you’re interested. I am doing product reviews and focus groups and I did some secret shopper assignments the other day that I’ve only been able to do now because I have a new, good quality, and reliable phone.

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  20. Yep, you get it. I saw clearly when I went to the store yesterday that the relative “health” I’ve fought tooth and nail for, and bankrupted myself for, and alienated everyone I’ve ever known over, will soon degrade (or end) because I no longer have reliable access to organic food. This is a very serious problem for me and I haven’t even had a full day yet to process it, let alone what I’m going to be able to do about it/in response to it. That’s a large part of the scam, where they let you heal yourself as much as you can afford, and then they move the goalposts somehow, or you just run out of money. It’s just so unbelievable, and so much more so that most people can’t even see it for what it is. I still have people telling me that this or that alternative (or traditional) treatment will cure me. As if it’s all free, and as if any of it really works, and as if it even works that it will be sustainable over time. As if. As if.

    As for something beautiful underlying all of this, here is another perspective https://antibiocentrism.wordpress.com/2019/10/31/suffering-multiplied-by-infinitywishful-thinking-a-halloween-post/

    This whole blog is written from the perspective that biological life is basically a huge perverse cosmic joke, and that suffering is baked in, and that nothing underlies it. At least I think that’s the idea. IMO the project is flawed bc it is completely derivative of and dependent on male science. But it’s something to think about. What if there isn’t anything beautiful underneath? I can’t say I have an opinion either way. I’m not convinced I know, or am capable of knowing, what underlies anything.

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  21. Perhaps the something beautiful is completely underneath biological life though. Maybe biological existence itself is a perversion of our spiritual life and that is why it has become something so horrific.

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  22. Perhaps our physical bodies are abominations as we have been born through countless generations of rape and untold suffering but still my body is simply the vessel for my soul. Whatever the hell that really means to be a soul I feel that it is good. I am good and my spirit is connected to something pure that we are all connected to.

    It makes a lot of sense when I hear people talk about this biological existence being a trap we are stuck in and sometimes I think that might be true. I don’t know, that sounds awful too though. Then I look into my kitties beautiful eyes and see their pure loving souls and I can’t think this is all bad.

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  23. My cats are the only truly beautiful/pure/whatever thing in my life for sure. I saw a movie recently that basically ended with the guy realizing that the entire purpose/only good thing about life is spending time with/caretaking animals. He got a couple of dogs or something and enjoyed his life for the first time ever, and then he got hit by a bus or something and died the next day. lol. I can’t remember anything else about the movie. That’s certainly what it feels like to me.

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  24. Lol that’s a funny description of the movie. I’ve spent so much of my life caring for and being with animals and I would definitely agree with that.

    I feel like cats have a strong bond with us, even more than dogs do. One of my cats always protects me and makes sure I am okay. She keeps watch of the house to make sure nothing is going on outside and will warn me if anything seems off. When I cry or I am feeling especially bad she stays right with me as long as it takes and calms me down and does her cute kitty rolls and purrs to make me feel better. At other times she is so active she doesn’t stay in one spot for long but when she knows I really need her she will stay there as long as it takes. She is so amazing. I love all my kitties for who they are but she is so special, I’ve never had another animal act like that.

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  25. Maybe the grocery store not having organic food was just from a bad crop or shipping delays. Was there still a place for it? Call and ask about it sometimes that helps to know there is more demand. I have so many places around to choose from at least there are good things about having so much around here but I have only been buying some food organic because it is so much more expensive. It probably is taking more of a toll on my health to have so much pesticides. It’s so hard to avoid them.

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  26. Cats are amazing. Mine are very protective and sensitive too. It’s funny bc they mostly ignore me if I’m upset, but if I’m extremely ill they know it and will come be with me. I’ve been helpless on the bathroom floor a couple of times (and in the shower once) and Chili was in the shower with me and Mama was on the floor right beside. Mama will even lay on or knead my abdomen in the exact place it hurts, when I’m in pain. Knowing that if I lose this apartment/become homeless I will lose them too is by far the worst thing about it. If it’s true that the only good thing about life is spending time with animals, it is exceptionally cruel that only somewhat resourced people (and the very wealthy of course) can physically live with and caretake animals because we have to have stable housing and disposable income for that. I’ve never had a pet until Mama and Chili bc I knew that, and I was never financially or situationally stable enough to have a pet. I thought it would work out this time and I went for it, but I don’t see how I’m going to be able to keep them honestly. It haunts me and effects my time with them because my heart is completely broken over it. It is so bittersweet it’s almost unbearable.

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  27. They have been whittling down the physical space in the supermarket where the organic food used to be, and moving it around. Whatever is happening seems like they intend it to be a permanent change/shortage. I did call them when they first started cutting down the supply of organic meat and I tried to special order some and they said they would, and then never got back to me. It’s even worse now with less types available, and fewer quantities of what they do have so it’s always gone. I think something is happening to the food supply actually. It may affect organic more than GMO/conventional crops. Like the catastrophic flooding in the US midwest this year. Organic food is more sucsceptible to this stuff bc they can’t use traditional fungicides and things, and bc the plants themselves aren’t genetically modified to be “hardier” (which is partially why they actually break down/digest/nourish when you eat them lol). The tards have been warning of food shortages for awhile and my feeling is that it has begun honestly. I think some bad shit is coming.

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  28. That’s so painful to worry about not being able to care for your cats. I hope it doesn’t come to that. I’ll give you any help I can figure out. It is exceptionally cruel that the worse off you are the more you need animals and the less able you are to have the resources to care for them.

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  29. I’ve spent my whole life around animals. I’ve never not had animals. I would have never been able to care for them if I was living on my own. I’m so thankful to have them and have had them. All my cats and my dog I grew up with and my fish and the frogs I had, have all kept me sane and given me peace. At one point I had all those animals at once. Now I have my 3 cats and fish.

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  30. It does feel like some bad shit is coming with our food and in general. I hope not. I do believe we are headed for a collapse and it is inevitable with all the poisons and sickness and increasing male violence. Maybe it will hold off until we live our lives though and future generations will be the ones to deal with that.

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  31. The spirituality stuff can be discussed if people want to talk about it. I think feeling “trapped in a sick body” is as close as I’ve personally ever gotten to feeling like I had a soul/spirit/existence that wasn’t my body. I’ve always just felt like me and that me was very physical and incarnated, and not spiritual as I understand that. Now that my body doesn’t cooperate anymore, I can easily see that there are at least 2 if not more things that comprise me and one is this sick body and the other is this “whatever” that knows it’s trapped. Whatever happens I hope to hell I don’t end up back on this hell planet again EVER. The global radioactive contamination that is incompatible with biological life is going to make all incarnates miserable from now on. The addition of ASD adds a sickening twist where our awareness of our reality including sensations of physical suffering is magnified infinitely. It’s all such a WTF to me I don’t even know what to say about it except that I really don’t want to experience much more and I hope I don’t have to.

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  32. Yes totally having the experience of being extremely sick and struggling to function in a body I feel trapped in has made me much more aware of being something apart from my physical body.

    I read that blog you linked to and she was saying basically what I just said here. She referenced that creation myth where the patriarchal God tore apart the mother Goddess to create this broken physical reality. So now with the perversion of our spirit energy everything is full of suffering and misery in this experience of biological life.

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  33. Also I do think the religious nuts are right about a lot of stuff, that this is some sort of fallen world. But instead of trying to relive the suffering they are so aware of they usually just embrace it and try to create as much as they can.

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  34. Do you know about how some people believe this whole planet is a trap for our souls and we are stuck here? I don’t remember what thing that is part of, but some sort of evil force trapped us here and we are made to reincarnate over and over into essentially a prison that we can’t escape. Lol I hope not. I really don’t know what think. It does feel like something good trapped by something evil to me.

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  35. I have read some truly wild theories about what this planet is, yes. I always come back to “female trapped by male” which could easily be the same thing as good trapped by evil, but without the terrifying implications that there is something out there that’s even more evil and hateful and enslaving (and eternal, shudder) than human males are. But at this point I really think anything is possible. :/ Also, thank you for wanting to help me keep my apartment and my cats and for understanding how important that is. xx

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  36. ” I always come back to “female trapped by male” which could easily be the same thing as good trapped by evil, but without the terrifying implications that there is something out there that’s even more evil and hateful and enslaving (and eternal, shudder) than human males are. But at this point I really think anything is possible. ” ❤ Your most quotable quote *ever* ❤ May I quote this, either attributed or unattributed?

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  37. It certainly does seem that maleness is some terrifying evil force at its core. Like life is infected with it and any males that manage to be good do so in spite of this force in them. Some men will go so far as to castrate themselves to be rid of the feelings they have. It’s very bizarre to think about. I do think this female/male divide is at the heart of everything in this way that we will probably never really understand.

    It always confused me why other people don’t seem to really question what all this is. I’ve been thinking about all this and wondering what everything means as far back as I could remember.

    Of course kitties are important. People who are seriously ill need them more than anyone. I think I would have gone crazy long ago if not for them. My sweet babies’ purring makes everything okay.

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  38. It’s not even worth repeating tbh. There is a lot of stuff on youtube if you are interested in searching. I can’t stomach a lot of it bc people talk about things with 100% certainty even tho this stuff is unknowable by normal people. A lot of it is fucking terrifying too. I don’t know why people upset themselves over things like that when there is no way to know for sure. If you already know about the prison planet stuff you get the gist.

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  39. Lol yeah I’ve seen that. They make this weird stuff into their own religions and get so upset about it like they know it’s completely true. The prison planet sounds actually plausible though given everything we know about all this. There is something that feels like this is some sort of trap in this unexplainable way, like even if we were totally free we’d still never be free.

    Biology itself is this trap too. I can understand why people would be against biological life itself. I don’t think I am, I don’t know there is a lot I love about this life despite everything, but I definitely get it.

    There’s these water glider bugs I’ve thought about a lot in particular. The male will hold the female underwater where she is there in danger of being eaten or drowning unless she allows him to rape her. They developed genital shields so that the males had to get “permission” and the males responded with that so the females have to live with this constant torture from their own species no matter what in such a bleak way. I can imagine them so clearly behind held underwater, watching all these fish swim by in danger of being eaten until they just give up hope and let the male do what he wants. Never allowed any peace, because the constant threat of males of their own species doesn’t allow them anywhere to be free. There are lots of rapey species of course, including our own, but that one is stuck in my head so clearly and vividly. I see them and the water and the fish underneath and feel such a bleak hopelessness and overwhelming sense of defeat thinking about it. It’s like there will always be this one sided fight against the male where they can’t help but prey on us and we just want it to stop but it never will.

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  40. But there’s something more to all this than just the biology. We’re more than our bodies. So why are we in all these cycles? What are we and what is the point of this?

    I think when we dream we visit the spirit realm where we are really from and recharge in much more than a physical sense. We can’t be away from it for long.

    It’s very confusing. I see why people would want to believe in religions that tell them everything in a way because sometimes I feel it sort of breaks my brain trying to think of the big picture of things and wrap my head around it. But also I have no idea how people could just believe random stuff people tell them that makes no sense without thinking about it. Or how anyone could look out on this huge mystery and not be curious.

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