From Wet Nurses to “BiomilQ” and Back Again. A Hobbit’s Tale. Or, Beta Males Demand Life at Any Cost.

I’ve been paying some attention to “independent researcher” aka conspiratard James Corbett for several months now, as he has attempted to get to the bottom of COVID19 and what it’s really all about, besides (possibly) being a pathogen that makes people sick.  In conspiratard circles, Bill Gates and mandatory vaccines come up a lot, and the COVID19 pandemic seems to be just the crisis TPTB have been waiting for to implement global mandatory vaccines, and to put billions more dollars into Bill Gates’ and his charity’s coffers, among other effects.

Corbett’s latest work again centers Bill Gates, this time Gates’ investment into so-called “BiomilQ” — that’s “milk” with a Q — a lab-created synthetic human milk that is grown (somehow) from real women’s mammary cells.  Or something.  As background, Corbett and the conspiratards are very much against what they call “transhumanism” and the transhuman agenda, which they see as an elitist agenda to remove humanity from the human experience, which is quite a deep hole to go down if anyone is interested.  Depending on who you ask, the reason behind transhumanism could be money, where our governmental and corporate overlords steal our resources and sell them back to us at inflated rates and in a perverted, bastardized form, just as easily as it could be Satan himself trying to co-opt and corrupt human souls.

The conspiratards are against transhumanism, or so they say, whether it’s because they are Christians (a lot of them are) or because they are free thinkers and antiauthoritarians who do not accept the nefarious tinkering of our overlords, which is always done to further control and enslave us.  That last reason is one I can get behind, and I’m on board with the Satanist explanation too, so long as Satan is understood to be a euphemism for the evil of human males, which I think it largely is.  I kind of think the invention of “Satan” and the language of “Satanism” and declaring some things as Satanic is the only way some people have to say NO to the whims of human males, but without seeming all uppity, or too free-thinking, or feminist.  But I digress.

Continue reading “From Wet Nurses to “BiomilQ” and Back Again. A Hobbit’s Tale. Or, Beta Males Demand Life at Any Cost.”

Whiney Resident Doctor Wants Hazard Pay for Going to Work and Whines About That and Everything. #boohoo #fuckoff

Letter writing isn’t my forte, and thus neither is open-letter writing.  But I can’t not respond to the bevy of whiney, whingey Western medical doctors who are complaining about their working conditions in Western hospitals, among other complaints, amid the COVID19 pandemic.  And in this post, when I reference “Western” anything, I obviously mean capitalistic and patriarchal, and all capitalistic and patriarchal eminations and penumbras arising therefrom.  In this post, I am responding to this article, which is only the most recent I’ve seen (but perhaps the only one I actually read) written by these clowns who seem to believe that the risks and fallout from practicing capitalistic, patriarchal medicine should be shared amongst the community, you see, while the rewards of working in a top-tier (read: apex predator) capitalistic patriarchal field, including money, power, status, invincibility and the like, should be theirs to savor alone.  #fuckoff

This particular article, that I was actually moved to read, was written by a medical resident and woman of color which are probably the only reasons I read it, already knowing what she was likely to say, but giving her a chance.  Residents are barely even doctors, having just graduated from medical school and having not even taken their exams yet.  They are not even fully licensed to practice medicine and are also known as doctors-in-training, student doctors, or interns, mkay, fucking interns, yet practicing medicine without a license on a largely uneducated, naive public anyway, a public who thinks that anyone wearing a white jacket automatically knows what the fuck they are talking about and more importantly, what they are doing, physically doing with their hands and directing others to do.

Continue reading “Whiney Resident Doctor Wants Hazard Pay for Going to Work and Whines About That and Everything. #boohoo #fuckoff”

Overwashing Causes Cracked Hands. Breathing Into a Mask Invites a Bacterial Colony to Grow on Your Face. Ft. Jodie Foster.

I was always struck by the last part of this scene in the movie Contact, where Jodie Foster’s character is traveling through a wormhole in alien technology interpreted and built by human males.  Instead of just following the instructions an unknown alien civilization sent them and building her traveling pod to specifications, the human males decided they knew better.  So they started adding a bunch of stuff including a captain’s chair bolted to the ceiling of the pod.  The human male-built pod provides a rough ride that appears to be the fault of the aliens and her trip would have ended badly if she hadn’t abandoned the death-chair at the last moment, right before the bolts sheared off and the chair crumpled to the ceiling while she and her compass necklace free-floated effortlessly inside the pod.  As usual, with their megalomaniacal tendencies and arrogant meddling, human males only succeeded in making everything worse.  This message was not lost on me and I have thought about this scene in a 30 year old movie many times.  I am thinking about it right now!  And now, so are you.

Being chronically ill and having no car, I have only been out of my apartment 4 times since my state and town went on lockdown about 2 months ago.  But I don’t really feel restricted and this is hardly a radical change from my “new normal” as a seriously, permanently and progressively ill person.  As I have written about before, I am currently in a tiny rural town in a cannabis-legal state, having moved here 5 years ago in an attempt to treat the aggressive pain and symptoms of my treatment-resistant Crohn’s disease.  Coming from (most recently) Long Island, New York, I have thought many times that the relative quiet and relatively slow pace of this rural community is at least as therapeutic as the cannabis.  While I have managed to achieve the impossible, and something Western medicine was never able to provide — about a 50% decrease in symptoms and a 50% increase in my quality of life — medical marijuana (and relative peace) is not a panacea to a progressive, incurable and untreatable disease and in some ways, due only to the passage of time, I have, predictably, gotten worse.

Continue reading “Overwashing Causes Cracked Hands. Breathing Into a Mask Invites a Bacterial Colony to Grow on Your Face. Ft. Jodie Foster.”

#HighRiskCOVID19. You Don’t Say. Shame v. Cause and Effect (Again)

Apparently, social media is currently alight with a new hashtag, #HighRiskCOVID19 which is being used by people with “underlying medical conditions” who are at greatest risk, besides the elderly, of contracting and becoming dangerously ill with the disease.  Some of these people, but not all, are autoimmune patients and others voluntarily taking immunity-decimating Big Pharma medications to “treat” their underlying diseases including cancer, rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, and Crohn’s disease.  The message is intended to convince “well” people to stay home in order to not risk spreading the virus throughout communities and ultimately to those who are already seriously or chronically ill.

Putting aside the fact that these drugs often don’t even work, work well, or work for long to treat the pain and symptoms of autoimmune disease, despite the lies Big Pharma propaganda spews everywhere — lies that sick people’s friends and family often believe instead of believing the testimonies and lived experience of the people they supposedly love — these so-called “biologic” and chemotherapy drugs are prescribed to autoimmune patients because they destroy the sick person’s immune system, thereby (theoretically) preventing it from attacking the sick person’s own tissues.  Of course, destroying anyone’s natural immunity also makes them more susceptible to opportunistic infections and environmental pathogens like the common cold, flu and the novel Coronavirus or COVID19.  Essentially, autoimmune patients taking immunity-decimating drugs have allowed doctors to give them AIDS and all the complications of full-blown untreated AIDS.

In contrast, actual HIV-positive people with full-blown AIDS (assuming they have access to health care) are aggressively treated with an immunity-bolstering protocol and many are able to avoid the hideous outcomes that were a death sentence for AIDS patients in the 80s including lethal fungal infections/thrush, pneumonia and cancer.  But no one is bolstering autoimmune patients’ purposely fucked-up immune systems because that would defeat the point of letting doctors give them therapeutic AIDS to treat their AI.  In fact, immunocompromised AI patients, unlike those with full-blown untreated AIDS due to HIV, are fully expected by everyone to just go back to their previous lives, including returning to full-time work, like they aren’t sick at all.  Somehow having both AI and AIDS = healthy.  Some of them may — or may not — be told to wash their hands and avoid sick people, which is impossible innit.

Many AI patients are not even given the benefit of informed consent and are not fully informed of the very real and expected consequences of destroying their natural immunity to environmental pathogens.  Patients often aren’t even told how the medications they are taking are expected to work, or if they are “informed” they are too sick and cognitively impaired to even understand what they are hearing.  In other words, they don’t know they are consenting to essentially contracting AIDS.  If they do understand it, they may be too sick to even care.*

There is also the issue, isn’t there, of congenitally nonviable infants being handed over to Big Medicine to essentially animate them well enough to be lifelong victims and consumers of patriarchal Western medicine, where many if not all of these infants are immunocompromised and/or have reduced lung capacity and lifelong serious “preexisting medical problems” due to their congenital malformations or premature births.  Before that, many Western women take prescription medications meant to prevent miscarriage, when miscarriage has historically (and prehistorically surely) prevented nonviable and congenitally malformed fetuses from being born at all.  Get it?  Good.  Enter the novel Coronavirus.

Continue reading “#HighRiskCOVID19. You Don’t Say. Shame v. Cause and Effect (Again)”

Doom 401: Advanced Doom. Coronavirus Update

This is the latest from 2 of the channels I am paying attention to regarding the now global Coronavirus outbreak that started at the end of 2019.  I last wrote about Coronavirus here, where I described concerns about autoimmune patients taking biologics and chemotherapies to treat their illnesses being exposed to environmental pathogens that they are now defenseless against due to the immunosuppressant effects of their drugs.

Guy McPherson, a conservation biologist who has been writing and speaking about catastrophic climate change for the last decade or so, appears in the first vid.  He brings to the table his evidence that “global dimming” due to industrial air pollution has been paradoxically keeping a lid on catastrophic global warming this whole time, where particulates in the atmosphere prevent the full warming effects of sunlight from reaching the Earth’s surface.  Since China has essentially locked down its population in an attempt to stop the spread of the Coronavirus pathogen, its enormous manufacturing industry has likewise been shut down, which is expected to clear up the air a bit.  If that sounds like a good thing, it’s apparently not.

The cooling effects of China’s part in global dimming are now expected to vanish and the Earth’s global temperature will now be expected to rise up to 1C degree, over and above the “normal” overheated global baseline which was already increasing.  Dr. McPherson does not make predictions per se, but he reports that the evidence suggests that this additional increase in global temperature will create catastrophic global warming and loss of human and animal habitat by November of this year.

Continue reading “Doom 401: Advanced Doom. Coronavirus Update”

The Post In Which I Mom-Shame. Sorry Not Sorry.

This was and is the absolute last straw.  I have been writing health and medical-related content on this blog for almost 2 years now and I have deliberately avoided this topic because I knew how it would be received.  Mothers have been criticized and punished for their choices (and their femaleness) forever and now that we are all enlightened and feminist and shit, mothers and motherhood are beyond reproach.  I know because the internet said so!  Mom-shaming is right out, no one is allowed to criticize women who conceive, gestate, birth and/or raise children for anything because liberal feminism and besides, under patriarchy, women’s and mothers’ choices are artificially limited and (therefore) coerced so the fucked up things women “choose” for themselves and their children are not women’s fault.  Radical feminism supposes that the things women choose are not even choices at all.

First as a liberal feminist and later as a radical, I accepted one or the other of these rationalizations for a long time and refused to criticize women and mothers on feminist grounds, where women as oppressed people previously and/or currently lack the social and political power to be fully actualized, engaged human beings and the central agents in their own lives.  Between feminist arguments centering agency and non-agency (liberal and radical viewpoints respectively) women and mothers have secured a free pass to do and choose anything, absolutely anything, regardless of the consequences to themselves or to other people, or to animals, or to the living planet.  Rather than examining cause and effect — meaning the intended and unintended consequences of our action and inaction — somehow “shame” has become the focus and women are not to be shamed, and by shamed we apparently mean held accountable for their own actions.

For one reason and then another, cause and effect have been deemed irrelevant to women and women’s choices and women’s interactions with our world — well, with mensworld as it were.  Before feminism, women were simply expected to do what they were told and they usually did.  But cause and effect are always relevant so long as we are alive on this planet because cause and effect is consistent with natural law.  Get it?  There are laws that have existed longer than humans, longer than civilization, longer than patriarchy, and which sure as hell predate feminism, and for a long, long time we have acted as if these natural laws were unimportant, or less important than other things.  Less important than men’s laws.  More recently, less important than not-shaming women.  This has been our mindset for thousands of years by now — at least 10,000 years by my estimation, which was approximately the beginning of agriculture where humans sought to overcome or tame nature to our own ends.

We did this, we chose this, and we have been doing it and choosing it for a long time.  Where we are now could be said to be the result of 10,000 years of that unnatural/patriarchal policy and practice of eschewing natural law.  And where are we?  I don’t think it would be exaggerating to say that we are in hell, utter hell, and if the above-linked article isn’t the perfect illustration of that type and degree of hell then I don’t know what is.

This woman gave birth to a child who was born with no anus, a missing kidney, a neurologically dysfunctional colon and bladder and a tethered spine.  He was therefore temporarily stomatized for fecal collection as an infant and would later require laxatives and enemas daily for life to eliminate waste through a surgically-constructed “anus” and would likewise need to be catheterized every 3-4 hours for life in order to pee.  The child was in pain every moment of every day and night even though his doctors were certain his conditions weren’t painful, and their negligence including misdiagnoses and complications from his spinal surgeries caused his bowel and bladder conditions to become even more debilitating and more painful than they would’ve been without their help.  And that’s saying something isn’t it.

Continue reading “The Post In Which I Mom-Shame. Sorry Not Sorry.”

Coronavirus Outbreak + 16 Million Americans on Immunity Decimating Biologics = ??

I just spent about 10 seconds doing a back-of-the-napkin estimate on how many Americans are currently taking immunity-decimating biologics to treat autoimmune disease and came up with a figure of up to 16 million.  I got that from the estimate of up to 24 million having a diagnosed autoimmune disease and this estimate that 2/3 of diagnosed rheumatoid arthritis patients are taking biologics.  The figure of up to 16 million immunocompromised AI patients does not count those who are taking immunity-decimating chemotherapy or steroids to manage their autoimmune disease, but those have to be substantial as well, as the first line of defense is often steroids which leaves people vulnerable to infection.  For example, when I was first prescribed Prednisone to treat my Crohn’s disease, my research indicated that I should not use tampons to absorb my menstrual flow because my immune system would be lowered and having a wad of cotton festering in my vagina for 8 hours at a time could more easily become septic.

Who knows what the actual numbers are, but we can see that on any given day we have many millions of Americans and tens or hundreds of millions of people globally taking immunity-decimating medications to “treat” their autoimmune disease, leaving these people vulnerable to secondary infections like tuberculosis, hepatitis, fungal infections and more.  People with an ounce of sense, and who aren’t rendered temporarily insane/incompetent due to ongoing unmanageable pain and symptoms of disease, will rightly be concerned about the so-called side effects (iatrogenic illness and injury) of these medications including the effect (injury) of lowering their natural immunity to infectious disease.  Some of us have decided that destroying our immune systems, as dysfunctional as they may be, is not a reasonable solution to our problems, especially considering that biologics and other toxic medications often don’t even work, work well, or work for long to treat our pain and symptoms.

And for those of us who grew up amongst the 1980s AIDS epidemic, we grew up understanding how important our immune systems are and how deadly serious it is to have a compromised immune system for any reason.  We grew into and beyond puberty under what can only be described as a domestic terror campaign against “unprotected sex” in order that we not compromise our immune systems because we knew what could happen if we did: suffering from full-blown AIDS we would probably die a horrific death of secondary infections and cancers, covered in unhealing sores, starving to death from nausea and gastrointestinal effects, driven half out of our minds.  Of course, today, full-blown AIDS is not a given for many who contract HIV which virus is now manageable if not treatable.  And anyone who develops AIDS (assuming they have access to medical care) will be aggressively treated with immune bolstering treatments so as to avoid the hellish AIDS-related deaths we all saw happening in the media and which many people also experienced firsthand in our own communities, homes and lives.

Continue reading “Coronavirus Outbreak + 16 Million Americans on Immunity Decimating Biologics = ??”

Defeat, Entrapment & Suicide. A Recent Model of Suicidality

Since writing about my own Crohn’s disease and social unsupport-related suicide (well, euthanasia) attempts I have researched suicide a bit and found something interesting.  Much more interesting than the usual twaddle about anxiety, depression and so-called “mental health” issues that sorry, every woman in this hell-dimension probably experiences somewhat regularly as oppressed people who are almost always trying to keep things alive in a necrophilic culture whether it be plants, pets, children, partners, elderly parents and/or ourselves.

In my estimation, the unusually high stakes of that particular game and myriad of obstacles intentionally placed in our way — meaning quite literally that if we let our guards down for a fucking second, and even if we don’t, literal death will come knocking for ourselves and/or our dependents for which we will suffer both the loss and the blame — would tend to be anxiety-producing in many, most if not all women.  Understanding intellectually, intuitively and/or by experience that our role as lifekeepers in a more or less global necrophilic (patriarchal) context is likely to be impossibly difficult (and ultimately futile, because mortality) is depressing.  And when I say depressing, obviously I mean that any of us would be forgiven if we just couldn’t get up the mental or physical energy to do it anymore.

And we all know the effects of gaslighting by now since it was very helpfully illustrated in a play and then 2 derivative Hollywood movies that perhaps not very many modern people have seen but which concept has come to be understood and referenced in popular culture as well as in clinical and research literature studying abuse — the intent and effect of gaslighting is to deliberately drive the victim insane.  So we have deliberately and predictably anxiety-producing living conditions for most if not all women, which conditions are or become depressing due to futility and exhaustion and then everyone we know and indeed our entire culture/s gaslight us about all of this — telling us in a million ways every day that these conditions that are demonstrably real, aren’t — until we crack, if we don’t die first.  There’s your “mental health” crisis innit.

Continue reading “Defeat, Entrapment & Suicide. A Recent Model of Suicidality”

The Welfare Gnome! It’s Like a Sock Gnome Except This One Can Actually Kill You. Ft. Joker (Again)

According to the internet, a “sock gnome” is a mythical creature that pilfers socks.  Presumably it lives in or around the dryer where you put an even number of socks in and get an odd number out.  Sometimes it gets tricksy and spits out an even number but the pairs don’t match (meaning it’s pilfered one from more than one pair) but the usual evidence that you’ve had a sock pilfered by a gnome is that there is one left over that doesn’t have a mate and the missing sock never reappears ever.  This is a real thing (if not a real gnome) and everyone knows what this means.

Well, there appears to be a similar creature that lives at Social Services and pilfers sick and poor people’s applications for welfare benefits.  Or something, idk.  I assume these creatures are related but maybe not since this gnome doesn’t play games: its goal seems to be to drive you insane before it literally kills you.  I wrote here before about an application for benefits that went missing, along with a half a dozen other boondoggles that have wasted my spoons and left me scrambling to repeat some administrative process I was barely able to complete survive the first time.

Because while a sick person’s literal inability to jump through bureaucratic hoops is actually the best evidence that someone is extremely ill, someone has decided that only those who are well enough to sing for their supper (or pursue benefits) deserve to eat, as it were.  The first application that went missing was for food stamps, while today I found out that my application to get on a 4 month waitlist to see a doctor went missing 2 months ago and has not been since heard from: although my disability advocate hand-delivered it, the application was never received.

Continue reading “The Welfare Gnome! It’s Like a Sock Gnome Except This One Can Actually Kill You. Ft. Joker (Again)”

The Fraud of Western Psychiatry: A Mental Health Mashup Just in Time for the Holidays. You’re Welcome.

The nuclear family is the site of oppression, coercion and abuse for so many people, especially female people, worldwide, and yet “the family” is rarely discussed in political (or radical) terms.  Last year around this time, I wrote about various familial abuses traditionally suffered by girls and women and suggested that oppression, coercion and abuse is the reason “the holidays” are such a stressful time for people, especially women.  In my observation, the refusal of most people to address the horrors of what really happens in families just leads to confusion and avoidance — and massive cognitive dissonance — where people express dread, anxiety and other negative emotions around family-focused holidays, but only manage in reducing this common experience to a joke/meme and avoiding unpleasant sensations by drinking (or eating, or shopping, or fucking, or cleaning, or decorating, or otherwise medicating) heavily until it’s over. 

That message was generally not taken well, where I gently (and tangentially, it was literally a parenthetical) suggested that a guaranteed way to stop familial oppression, coercion and abuse (of mostly females) was to stop creating so-called nuclear families at all.  Antinatalism, basically.  I know, right?  Antinatalism wasn’t even the dominant theme of that post but I’m such a misogynistic, baby-hating bitch for letting my mind lady-brain wander there, even parenthetically, how dare I (use the internet to talk about the female experience and female oppression).  How very damn dare I.

Sticking with the holiday theme of oppression, coercion and abuse — because it’s fucking relevant — those things are known to cause so-called psychiatric symptoms in people, particularly women as they are its primary targets under a more or less global patriarchy.  In large numbers, girls and women (female human beings) experience anxiety, depression, disassociation and other uncomfortable and debilitating states as a result of being oppressed, coerced and abused, and a lot of women are prescribed and take psychiatric drugs so that these uncomfortable states go away, or have less of an impact on our lives.  And by “lives” I of course mean our ability to show up and be ab/used by our capitalistic, patriarchal overlords including (almost always male) partners, employers and other authority figures.  Mother’s Little Helper and all that.

If these medications actually worked — that is, if they did what they say on the tin and relieved us of our agony — they still wouldn’t be beyond reproach.  There are compelling political and indeed medical arguments against treating people with dangerous Big Pharma medications to ease uncomfortable states of being.  For example, the debilitating and often permanent physical and mental “side effects” of prescription medications, otherwise known as iatrogenic illness and injury that are often just as bad or even worse than the original disease.  As usual, Big Medicine offers suffering people the chance to trade one illness for another, and another, and another, and to pay through the nose for the privilege.

Many times it’s not even a proper trade because the drugs are unable to cure the original disease and the new, treatment-induced injuries and illnesses are just added on.  (This is the case with Crohn’s disease for example which is known to be an incurable disease.)  Either way, the misery is compounded.  Well, it appears to be an open secret within the psychiatric community that psychiatric medications don’t do what they say on the tin.  Women are taking anti-anxiety, anti-depressant, anti-psychotic and other psychotropic medications to treat the effects of political and interpersonal oppression — and are being asked to concurrently swallow the cultural fiction that their discomfort is not political and originates in their own biochemistry — and the medications don’t even work, because they can’t work, because there is nothing chemical to treat, get it?

As discussed below, it appears as if the theory that a chemical imbalance in the brain causes psychiatric symptoms has been thoroughly debunked, yet application of this flawed theory continues: people continue to be medicated for “mental” conditions that are not biochemical and therefore are not amenable to chemical therapies.  These medications also cause frightening and severe negative outcomes long-term and psychiatrists know all of that but they keep prescribing them anyway.

Here are some clips that illustrate what seems to be the situation in which we find ourselves.  Namely, that oppression, coercion and abuse are unavoidable in this system; families are the original and main exposure to those things for most women globally and familial exposure in particular cannot be avoided; oppression, coercion and abuse cause the symptoms we know as mental illness; and every medication in Big Medicine’s arsenal is known to not work to treat it and to even make patients’ physical and mental conditions worse over time.  More videos and discussion below the fold.

Continue reading “The Fraud of Western Psychiatry: A Mental Health Mashup Just in Time for the Holidays. You’re Welcome.”

Of All The Things I’ve Lost, I Miss My Mind The Most. Ft. Joker

I recently wrote on my Patreon about Dave, my new disability advocate who seemed like he was going to be helpful for once.  Where my previous advocate was good at bleating on endlessly about my alleged “rights” as a disabled person, wasting my time and energy listening to her while not actually helping me gain access to resources, my new advocate put on a seriously impressive show.  Because I don’t have a car and am generally too sick to walk or ride my bike more than a couple of blocks, and likely too sick to drive even if I had a car, he arranged to pick me up for our appointments and afterwards took me back home.

Because I no longer possess executive function and cannot consistently or reliably complete tasks that require it (read: the stuff corporate executives pay other people to do for them, particularly female people, namely secretaries, wives and others) this man filled out applications for me, doing some of them online, addressed and mailed the ones going out of town and hand-delivered the rest.  This was almost unbelievably (!) helpful and I felt cautiously optimistic that things might finally be on the right track: a track towards getting me the disability and need-based benefits I’m entitled to as a seriously ill person with a disabling incurable, progressive disease.

To wit, Social Security benefits, into which I have paid since I started working when I was 15 and which they will just give to me freely if I live long enough but for which I have to beg in order to receive now, and housing, food and cash assistance that will help me stay in my little apartment, run my small business and somewhat control my environment and my access to climate control/lights/running water/refrigeration/toilet etc. and privacy and relative peace in which to care for my 2 adopted shelter cats and manage the daily pain and indignities of my disabling autoimmune disease.

The online application for SSD was returned to me in hardcopy to review, sign and return.  lol.  Along with a notice that if I want to also apply for SSI, the “other” form of disability-based benefits that’s basically exactly the same as SSD and as far as I know requires mostly the same information sent to the same place, I had to do a separate application for that.  lol.  The application for food and cash assistance was “never received” by social services, according to social services, even though Dave hand-delivered it and watched them time/date stamp it himself.  lol.

Continue reading “Of All The Things I’ve Lost, I Miss My Mind The Most. Ft. Joker”

A “Rational Suicide” Note. Ft. Anne Örtegren.

This is a “suicide” note left by a ME/CFS sufferer who sought and found relief from her suffering via legal, medically assisted suicide.  She says this manifesto took her months to write, which I do not doubt a bit: it is long, detailed and polished and was written when she was feeling terrible.  She wrote it with the intent to describe her almost indescribable pain and experience, and to convince others to take action on behalf of ME/CFS sufferers, both of which are lofty communication goals when anyone is seriously ill.

Describing and convincing have been my most impossible endeavors since I’ve been seriously ill myself and I think I have mostly failed, judging by others’ reactions to everything I’ve managed to gather the physical and emotional grit to attempt to communicate: that I am seriously, hopelessly ill with an incurable, progressive disease, that there is no bottom to how bad this can get, and it matters not what anyone thinks about it.  Some things are just true regardless of whether anyone believes it.

In this note, ME/CFS patient Anne Örtegren describes symptoms and dilemmas I have experienced myself and she foresees logical outcomes to her predicament, something sick people and especially sick women are never allowed to do because catastrophization.  For example, she knows that her heightened sensitivity to light and sound will make treatment or recovery in a hospital setting impossible where the standard of care in that environment requires constant activity and interruptions, and provides no privacy and no escape from the harsh industrial lighting, interrogations by (allegedly) well meaning staff and the general hustle and bustle of capitalistic money making on the backs and bodies of sick and dying people.

That is but one example of a sick person making informed prognostications regarding likely outcomes of the things other people want to do to us, and as someone who shares these sensitivities to light and sound (and therefore an aversion to hospital settings) as but one example of our shared experience of being seriously ill, I appreciated her spelling it out.  I also feel extremely sad that she had to, and furious that no one who allegedly cared about her wellbeing including medical professionals who should be fucking sensitive to the actual needs of real patients could make the leap themselves.  There are many such examples in this letter.

See for yourselves, and understand that as illuminating and raw as this letter is, it’s also been edited by the publisher and a so-called suicide prevention expert because the bottom line everywhere appears to be that there is no such thing as rational suicide or euthanasia because well people and people who make money off of the long-term sick and dying say so.  And because living in this capitalistic, patriarchal nightmare is so hideous for so many people that “suicide contagion” exists, where just knowing that someone, somewhere had whatever it took to end themselves is likely to cause untold numbers of happy, healthy consumers with bright futures to do the same damn thing.  Yeah that’s it, let’s keep telling ourselves that.

The letter as published is reprinted below.  The unedited letter supposedly exists online somewhere if anyone cares to look and has the energy to figure out how and where the edited version differs from the original.  Comments are open below.

Continue reading “A “Rational Suicide” Note. Ft. Anne Örtegren.”

WWNRD? Or, What Would Nurse Ratched Do? Ft. Nurse Ratched

nurse3
Nurse Ratched was a sadistic, evil bitch at the time and would be that and a dangerously out of touch political dinosaur now.  Please do not do what she would do.  If anything, ask yourself WWNRD and then do the opposite.

Speaking with my mother recently made me sympathize with young smartasses and activists who are just waiting for the elder generation — the out of touch Baby Boomers and the Baby Boomers’ parents and kids by this point — to give up the ghost and die.  A “dinosaur” or political dinosaur is someone whose philosophy and worldview are obsolete and rooted in problematic values and circumstances of the distant past.  For example, as a young activist in my teens and 20s I remember thinking and saying that the world would be a better place once those who grew up with unregulated environmental pollution and legal institutionalized racism, sexism etc. died off because their environmental unconcern, racism and sexism were so entrenched that they either didn’t realize, agree or care that what they were doing and being was wrong.

Welp.  After being sick my entire fucking life with an undiagnosed autoimmune disease, and going on 8 years with a diagnosed one, I am having these same thoughts now about the older generation of Western medical practitioners and others who were born, grew up and/or progenated in a low-population, relatively unpolluted pre-nuclear world where lifelong serious, untreatable, incurable and progressive disease existed only in very small numbers and therefore where older people seem to believe and act as if chronic illness did not and does not exist at all.

To be clear, chronic illness obviously did exist in our recent and distant past, for example, natural uranium deposits are known to cause acute and chronic radiation sickness to those who spend time around it.  And humans have likely always been struck down with genetic and congenital maladies that might not have outright killed them.  But old/er people seem to have lived their entire lives without chronic illness, including autoimmune and immune-mediated disease, front and center in their consciousness or as a part of their lived experience and this does make sense: before, say, the 1940s and 50s the worst industrial (man-made ionizing nuclear) pollutants had yet to be widely dispersed and contemporary Western medicine did not, because it could not, routinely pluck seriously ill and/or nonviable neonates, infants and others from the brink of merciful, natural deaths.  Today, seriously ill children and others are rather forced to live for years, decades and lifetimes with serious illnesses that do not outright kill them, because Western medicine will not allow it, but which Western medicine has yet to figure out how to treat, relieve, or cure.

Having researched chronic illness, primarily autoimmune and immune-mediated disease for going on 8 years now, it seems to me that, in stark contrast to the life experience and worldview of older people, young people today generally are very aware that incurable and progressive chronic illness exists.  Over and over I see that young people today, at least young Western people, well understand and accept the reality of chronic illness much more freely than older people, and the implications of that are extremely dark.  From what I can discern, this difference in worldview likely exists because young people are increasingly becoming seriously chronically ill themselves.  Young people understand and accept the material reality of chronic illness because experiencing it personally as individuals and in their peer group they have no choice but to accept it.

And over and over I see that older people are generally ignorant about issues of chronic illness and that they have not experienced it either individually or in their peer group.  Frighteningly, instead of recognizing their blessed ignorance and trying to remedy it, older people think that their personal opinion based on outdated and second- and third-hand pseudo-knowledge about chronic illness matters or affects the outcome.  It doesn’t, but unfortunately many medical professionals, healthcare policymakers, paid and unpaid caretakers and the like embrace an outdated worldview that no longer applies in our post-nuclear, Western world, and thus do not or cannot fully believe the self-reports of, or even contemporary peer-reviewed medical research addressing, the experiences and needs of seriously chronically ill.

Continue reading “WWNRD? Or, What Would Nurse Ratched Do? Ft. Nurse Ratched”

The “I Told You I Was Sick” Tombstone Gag. That Shit Just Never Gets Old. A Halloween Hypochondria Post.

tombstone

Will someone please explain to me how a person’s literal death is evidence that they weren’t actually sick at the time they died or ever?  The “I Told You I Was Sick” tombstone may (or may not idk) have been around as long as tombstones themselves have been around and it is even cataloged in a collection of “curious epitaphs” as the epitaph of an ancient hypochondriac.

The epitaph.  Of a hypochondriac.  Hmm.  While I process that very concept a moment, I Google “hypochondria” and find that the word doesn’t mean exactly what I thought it meant.  Or rather, the origin of the word itself was nothing like I had assumed.  Apparently, the very concept of unverified/unverifiable illness causing patients extreme physical and mental distress originated from complaints involving the abdomen.  Why doesn’t that surprise me at all.  From Wiki:

Among the regions of the abdomen, the hypochondrium is the uppermost part.  The word derives from the Greek term ὑποχόνδριος hypokhondrios, meaning “of the soft parts between the ribs and navel” from ὑπό hypo (“under”) and χόνδρος khondros, or cartilage (of the sternum).

Hypochondria in Late Latin meant “the abdomen”. 

The term hypochondriasis for a state of disease without real cause reflected the ancient belief that the viscera of the hypochondria were the seat of melancholy and sources of the vapor that caused morbid feelings.  Until the early 18th century, the term referred to a “physical disease caused by imbalances in the region that was below your rib cage”.  Robert Burton’s The Anatomy of Melancholy (1621) blamed it “for everything from ‘too much spittle’ to ‘rumbling in the guts’.

Bolds mine.  Apparently, people have been presenting to doctors for a long, long time complaining of upper abdominal pain, too much spittle chronic nausea and/or drooling, and rumbling in the guts the dreaded intestinal gurgling that often foretells an impending Crohn’s flare and they had morbid feelings about that.  You don’t say.

I should mention here that capsule endoscopy, which is currently the only way to get diagnostic imaging of the lining of the small bowel, is a very new technology that’s extremely expensive and often not covered by insurance.  Before modern imaging technology, including capsule endoscopy technology, diseases of the upper part of the abdomen in particular were virtually undiagnosable.  Due to its inaccessible location, in practice, even today, for many if not most people getting a reliable diagnostic image of the hypochondrium (!) or the upper part of the abdomen and gastrointestinal tract is impossible.

Continue reading “The “I Told You I Was Sick” Tombstone Gag. That Shit Just Never Gets Old. A Halloween Hypochondria Post.”

Holy Shit Y’all. Morgellon’s Disease (Aka “Delusional Parasitosis”) is Actually Real. #gaslighting #fuckdoctors #killallmen

Whilst performing my daily catch-up with my favorite conspiratard sites, today I found this: recent peer-reviewed medical research indicating that so-called Morgellon’s disease is actually a real, physical ailment and not all in patients’ — usually female patients’ — heads.  I have had a slightly more than casual interest in Morgellon’s disease for at least a decade if not two, and I am seeing the year 2002 thrown around as the approximate date that reports of this confounding, untreatable and disabling medical condition first appeared in the United States.  People — usually female people — started presenting to their doctors for diagnosis and treatment of a condition comprised of skin lesions, often with strange “fibers” protruding from them or embedded in the unbroken skin or in the scabs, as well as maddening feelings of itching, crawling, burning etc. under or on their skin as if “bugs” were crawling there.  There were almost certainly additional complaints considering what Morgellon’s actually turned out to be — a tickbourne infection that is often comorbid with Lyme disease — but let’s leave it there for now.

Morgellon’s patients routinely brought in a collection of scabs and fibers to show their doctors, intending to be good patients and their own “advocates” to help the doctors do their job, which is the current advice given to particularly women in order to insure that they get the best medical treatment possible (and so that the women themselves as actors or co-actors on their own “care team” can take part or all of the blame when they are not effectively treated).  Whereupon the doctors proceeded to mock the women and their attempts to document and provide physical evidence of what was happening to them by referring to such evidence as “matchbox sign” because women allegedly brought the fibers and scabs with them in empty matchboxes.  Of course, matchbox sign was a euphemism for evidence of fraud and mental, not physical, disease.

Here is an example of “matchbox sign” where the woman brought her evidence in a folded piece of paper, and not an empty matchbox, but whatever right?  The point of inventing and naming matchbox sign was so that doctors could warn other doctors that the person sitting in front of them covered in lesions and in terrible, ongoing and relentless pain, cradling a sad bundle of phony evidence was crazy.  The point was obviously not to tell the truth or describe anything accurately or even neutrally, or in a way that was likely to get these women meaningful treatment or relief.

Continue reading “Holy Shit Y’all. Morgellon’s Disease (Aka “Delusional Parasitosis”) is Actually Real. #gaslighting #fuckdoctors #killallmen”