Whiney Resident Doctor Wants Hazard Pay for Going to Work and Whines About That and Everything. #boohoo #fuckoff

Letter writing isn’t my forte, and thus neither is open-letter writing.  But I can’t not respond to the bevy of whiney, whingey Western medical doctors who are complaining about their working conditions in Western hospitals, among other complaints, amid the COVID19 pandemic.  And in this post, when I reference “Western” anything, I obviously mean capitalistic and patriarchal, and all capitalistic and patriarchal eminations and penumbras arising therefrom.  In this post, I am responding to this article, which is only the most recent I’ve seen (but perhaps the only one I actually read) written by these clowns who seem to believe that the risks and fallout from practicing capitalistic, patriarchal medicine should be shared amongst the community, you see, while the rewards of working in a top-tier (read: apex predator) capitalistic patriarchal field, including money, power, status, invincibility and the like, should be theirs to savor alone.  #fuckoff

This particular article, that I was actually moved to read, was written by a medical resident and woman of color which are probably the only reasons I read it, already knowing what she was likely to say, but giving her a chance.  Residents are barely even doctors, having just graduated from medical school and having not even taken their exams yet.  They are not even fully licensed to practice medicine and are also known as doctors-in-training, student doctors, or interns, mkay, fucking interns, yet practicing medicine without a license on a largely uneducated, naive public anyway, a public who thinks that anyone wearing a white jacket automatically knows what the fuck they are talking about and more importantly, what they are doing, physically doing with their hands and directing others to do.

Continue reading “Whiney Resident Doctor Wants Hazard Pay for Going to Work and Whines About That and Everything. #boohoo #fuckoff”

The Post In Which I Mom-Shame. Sorry Not Sorry.

This was and is the absolute last straw.  I have been writing health and medical-related content on this blog for almost 2 years now and I have deliberately avoided this topic because I knew how it would be received.  Mothers have been criticized and punished for their choices (and their femaleness) forever and now that we are all enlightened and feminist and shit, mothers and motherhood are beyond reproach.  I know because the internet said so!  Mom-shaming is right out, no one is allowed to criticize women who conceive, gestate, birth and/or raise children for anything because liberal feminism and besides, under patriarchy, women’s and mothers’ choices are artificially limited and (therefore) coerced so the fucked up things women “choose” for themselves and their children are not women’s fault.  Radical feminism supposes that the things women choose are not even choices at all.

First as a liberal feminist and later as a radical, I accepted one or the other of these rationalizations for a long time and refused to criticize women and mothers on feminist grounds, where women as oppressed people previously and/or currently lack the social and political power to be fully actualized, engaged human beings and the central agents in their own lives.  Between feminist arguments centering agency and non-agency (liberal and radical viewpoints respectively) women and mothers have secured a free pass to do and choose anything, absolutely anything, regardless of the consequences to themselves or to other people, or to animals, or to the living planet.  Rather than examining cause and effect — meaning the intended and unintended consequences of our action and inaction — somehow “shame” has become the focus and women are not to be shamed, and by shamed we apparently mean held accountable for their own actions.

For one reason and then another, cause and effect have been deemed irrelevant to women and women’s choices and women’s interactions with our world — well, with mensworld as it were.  Before feminism, women were simply expected to do what they were told and they usually did.  But cause and effect are always relevant so long as we are alive on this planet because cause and effect is consistent with natural law.  Get it?  There are laws that have existed longer than humans, longer than civilization, longer than patriarchy, and which sure as hell predate feminism, and for a long, long time we have acted as if these natural laws were unimportant, or less important than other things.  Less important than men’s laws.  More recently, less important than not-shaming women.  This has been our mindset for thousands of years by now — at least 10,000 years by my estimation, which was approximately the beginning of agriculture where humans sought to overcome or tame nature to our own ends.

We did this, we chose this, and we have been doing it and choosing it for a long time.  Where we are now could be said to be the result of 10,000 years of that unnatural/patriarchal policy and practice of eschewing natural law.  And where are we?  I don’t think it would be exaggerating to say that we are in hell, utter hell, and if the above-linked article isn’t the perfect illustration of that type and degree of hell then I don’t know what is.

This woman gave birth to a child who was born with no anus, a missing kidney, a neurologically dysfunctional colon and bladder and a tethered spine.  He was therefore temporarily stomatized for fecal collection as an infant and would later require laxatives and enemas daily for life to eliminate waste through a surgically-constructed “anus” and would likewise need to be catheterized every 3-4 hours for life in order to pee.  The child was in pain every moment of every day and night even though his doctors were certain his conditions weren’t painful, and their negligence including misdiagnoses and complications from his spinal surgeries caused his bowel and bladder conditions to become even more debilitating and more painful than they would’ve been without their help.  And that’s saying something isn’t it.

Continue reading “The Post In Which I Mom-Shame. Sorry Not Sorry.”

Defeat, Entrapment & Suicide. A Recent Model of Suicidality

Since writing about my own Crohn’s disease and social unsupport-related suicide (well, euthanasia) attempts I have researched suicide a bit and found something interesting.  Much more interesting than the usual twaddle about anxiety, depression and so-called “mental health” issues that sorry, every woman in this hell-dimension probably experiences somewhat regularly as oppressed people who are almost always trying to keep things alive in a necrophilic culture whether it be plants, pets, children, partners, elderly parents and/or ourselves.

In my estimation, the unusually high stakes of that particular game and myriad of obstacles intentionally placed in our way — meaning quite literally that if we let our guards down for a fucking second, and even if we don’t, literal death will come knocking for ourselves and/or our dependents for which we will suffer both the loss and the blame — would tend to be anxiety-producing in many, most if not all women.  Understanding intellectually, intuitively and/or by experience that our role as lifekeepers in a more or less global necrophilic (patriarchal) context is likely to be impossibly difficult (and ultimately futile, because mortality) is depressing.  And when I say depressing, obviously I mean that any of us would be forgiven if we just couldn’t get up the mental or physical energy to do it anymore.

And we all know the effects of gaslighting by now since it was very helpfully illustrated in a play and then 2 derivative Hollywood movies that perhaps not very many modern people have seen but which concept has come to be understood and referenced in popular culture as well as in clinical and research literature studying abuse — the intent and effect of gaslighting is to deliberately drive the victim insane.  So we have deliberately and predictably anxiety-producing living conditions for most if not all women, which conditions are or become depressing due to futility and exhaustion and then everyone we know and indeed our entire culture/s gaslight us about all of this — telling us in a million ways every day that these conditions that are demonstrably real, aren’t — until we crack, if we don’t die first.  There’s your “mental health” crisis innit.

Continue reading “Defeat, Entrapment & Suicide. A Recent Model of Suicidality”

The Welfare Gnome! It’s Like a Sock Gnome Except This One Can Actually Kill You. Ft. Joker (Again)

According to the internet, a “sock gnome” is a mythical creature that pilfers socks.  Presumably it lives in or around the dryer where you put an even number of socks in and get an odd number out.  Sometimes it gets tricksy and spits out an even number but the pairs don’t match (meaning it’s pilfered one from more than one pair) but the usual evidence that you’ve had a sock pilfered by a gnome is that there is one left over that doesn’t have a mate and the missing sock never reappears ever.  This is a real thing (if not a real gnome) and everyone knows what this means.

Well, there appears to be a similar creature that lives at Social Services and pilfers sick and poor people’s applications for welfare benefits.  Or something, idk.  I assume these creatures are related but maybe not since this gnome doesn’t play games: its goal seems to be to drive you insane before it literally kills you.  I wrote here before about an application for benefits that went missing, along with a half a dozen other boondoggles that have wasted my spoons and left me scrambling to repeat some administrative process I was barely able to complete survive the first time.

Because while a sick person’s literal inability to jump through bureaucratic hoops is actually the best evidence that someone is extremely ill, someone has decided that only those who are well enough to sing for their supper (or pursue benefits) deserve to eat, as it were.  The first application that went missing was for food stamps, while today I found out that my application to get on a 4 month waitlist to see a doctor went missing 2 months ago and has not been since heard from: although my disability advocate hand-delivered it, the application was never received.

Continue reading “The Welfare Gnome! It’s Like a Sock Gnome Except This One Can Actually Kill You. Ft. Joker (Again)”

A “Rational Suicide” Note. Ft. Anne Örtegren.

This is a “suicide” note left by a ME/CFS sufferer who sought and found relief from her suffering via legal, medically assisted suicide.  She says this manifesto took her months to write, which I do not doubt a bit: it is long, detailed and polished and was written when she was feeling terrible.  She wrote it with the intent to describe her almost indescribable pain and experience, and to convince others to take action on behalf of ME/CFS sufferers, both of which are lofty communication goals when anyone is seriously ill.

Describing and convincing have been my most impossible endeavors since I’ve been seriously ill myself and I think I have mostly failed, judging by others’ reactions to everything I’ve managed to gather the physical and emotional grit to attempt to communicate: that I am seriously, hopelessly ill with an incurable, progressive disease, that there is no bottom to how bad this can get, and it matters not what anyone thinks about it.  Some things are just true regardless of whether anyone believes it.

In this note, ME/CFS patient Anne Örtegren describes symptoms and dilemmas I have experienced myself and she foresees logical outcomes to her predicament, something sick people and especially sick women are never allowed to do because catastrophization.  For example, she knows that her heightened sensitivity to light and sound will make treatment or recovery in a hospital setting impossible where the standard of care in that environment requires constant activity and interruptions, and provides no privacy and no escape from the harsh industrial lighting, interrogations by (allegedly) well meaning staff and the general hustle and bustle of capitalistic money making on the backs and bodies of sick and dying people.

That is but one example of a sick person making informed prognostications regarding likely outcomes of the things other people want to do to us, and as someone who shares these sensitivities to light and sound (and therefore an aversion to hospital settings) as but one example of our shared experience of being seriously ill, I appreciated her spelling it out.  I also feel extremely sad that she had to, and furious that no one who allegedly cared about her wellbeing including medical professionals who should be fucking sensitive to the actual needs of real patients could make the leap themselves.  There are many such examples in this letter.

See for yourselves, and understand that as illuminating and raw as this letter is, it’s also been edited by the publisher and a so-called suicide prevention expert because the bottom line everywhere appears to be that there is no such thing as rational suicide or euthanasia because well people and people who make money off of the long-term sick and dying say so.  And because living in this capitalistic, patriarchal nightmare is so hideous for so many people that “suicide contagion” exists, where just knowing that someone, somewhere had whatever it took to end themselves is likely to cause untold numbers of happy, healthy consumers with bright futures to do the same damn thing.  Yeah that’s it, let’s keep telling ourselves that.

The letter as published is reprinted below.  The unedited letter supposedly exists online somewhere if anyone cares to look and has the energy to figure out how and where the edited version differs from the original.  Comments are open below.

Continue reading “A “Rational Suicide” Note. Ft. Anne Örtegren.”

The “I Told You I Was Sick” Tombstone Gag. That Shit Just Never Gets Old. A Halloween Hypochondria Post.

tombstone

Will someone please explain to me how a person’s literal death is evidence that they weren’t actually sick at the time they died or ever?  The “I Told You I Was Sick” tombstone may (or may not idk) have been around as long as tombstones themselves have been around and it is even cataloged in a collection of “curious epitaphs” as the epitaph of an ancient hypochondriac.

The epitaph.  Of a hypochondriac.  Hmm.  While I process that very concept a moment, I Google “hypochondria” and find that the word doesn’t mean exactly what I thought it meant.  Or rather, the origin of the word itself was nothing like I had assumed.  Apparently, the very concept of unverified/unverifiable illness causing patients extreme physical and mental distress originated from complaints involving the abdomen.  Why doesn’t that surprise me at all.  From Wiki:

Among the regions of the abdomen, the hypochondrium is the uppermost part.  The word derives from the Greek term ὑποχόνδριος hypokhondrios, meaning “of the soft parts between the ribs and navel” from ὑπό hypo (“under”) and χόνδρος khondros, or cartilage (of the sternum).

Hypochondria in Late Latin meant “the abdomen”. 

The term hypochondriasis for a state of disease without real cause reflected the ancient belief that the viscera of the hypochondria were the seat of melancholy and sources of the vapor that caused morbid feelings.  Until the early 18th century, the term referred to a “physical disease caused by imbalances in the region that was below your rib cage”.  Robert Burton’s The Anatomy of Melancholy (1621) blamed it “for everything from ‘too much spittle’ to ‘rumbling in the guts’.

Bolds mine.  Apparently, people have been presenting to doctors for a long, long time complaining of upper abdominal pain, too much spittle chronic nausea and/or drooling, and rumbling in the guts the dreaded intestinal gurgling that often foretells an impending Crohn’s flare and they had morbid feelings about that.  You don’t say.

I should mention here that capsule endoscopy, which is currently the only way to get diagnostic imaging of the lining of the small bowel, is a very new technology that’s extremely expensive and often not covered by insurance.  Before modern imaging technology, including capsule endoscopy technology, diseases of the upper part of the abdomen in particular were virtually undiagnosable.  Due to its inaccessible location, in practice, even today, for many if not most people getting a reliable diagnostic image of the hypochondrium (!) or the upper part of the abdomen and gastrointestinal tract is impossible.

Continue reading “The “I Told You I Was Sick” Tombstone Gag. That Shit Just Never Gets Old. A Halloween Hypochondria Post.”

Welcome Mumsnutters!

The Mumsnet community has found this blog and are intelligently discussing the extensive content largely insulting and degrading me, personally, over my previous antinatalist posts — 2 entire posts out of nearly 100 comprising this project which is about surviving (and not surviving) as a chronically ill female in end-stage capitalism and patriarchy.  I suppose the Mums’ days aren’t full up enough what with the extreme demands of catering to their fuck trophies and future soldiers, rapists and victims, otherwise known as children under the same global system, and asking each other whether they are “being unreasonable” for wanting to be regarded as human beings by their male owners.

The Mums at Mumset also believe that talking to the men at Mumset — the Duds, I guess? — about feminism is a good use of their time.  The Mum who started this discussion also apparently thinks it’s just duckie to ask impregnators (and the impregnated) what they think about antinatalism, as if the strong bias towards natalism on Mumsnet and in a global capitalist patriarchy in general isn’t obvious.  Yes the Mums and Duds on Mumsnet seem to think that natalists and pro-natalists are the endangered cognitive minority in need of protection from the handful of antinatalists that exist on the internet and who do not appear to exist anywhere in real life because they and the antinatalist perspective are routinely and systematically silenced.

Continue reading “Welcome Mumsnutters!”