Urgent request: office supplies needed (Patreon link within)

Hi everyone.  This is coming at a bad time as my business is slow and I am extremely short on funds, but I desperately need a new printer.  I had to replace an HP printer I had for several years when the print head died for a second time.  I got a new printer last fall and it’s been a horrible ink hog that I have spent hundreds of dollars on ink to keep going.  After maybe 2 weeks of quality printing, to even get it to print at all takes 30 minutes of cleaning and aligning print heads every single time, and even then I only get a couple more weeks worth out of it before it says it needs more ink.  I have to print about 12 pages a week of consistently high quality.  This printer is not up to the task.  I also need a few different office supplies.

If anyone has an unused gift card to Walmart, Office Depot, Best Buy, Ebay or Amazon, or is able and willing to send an extra donation this month, $300 would go a long way to getting me a decent printer, some extra ink cartridges and office supplies.  For $100 I could get some more ink and just keep using this printer for another couple of months. $30 would get me some office supplies.

For anyone who wants to, donations can be made on my Patreon page.  My email address is posted there in a private post for anyone who wants to send gift cards or correspondence.

I have received $100 already.  Thank you for reading and thanks for your support, we really appreciate it.

Of All The Things I’ve Lost, I Miss My Mind The Most. Ft. Joker

I recently wrote on my Patreon about Dave, my new disability advocate who seemed like he was going to be helpful for once.  Where my previous advocate was good at bleating on endlessly about my alleged “rights” as a disabled person, wasting my time and energy listening to her while not actually helping me gain access to resources, my new advocate put on a seriously impressive show.  Because I don’t have a car and am generally too sick to walk or ride my bike more than a couple of blocks, and likely too sick to drive even if I had a car, he arranged to pick me up for our appointments and afterwards took me back home.

Because I no longer possess executive function and cannot consistently or reliably complete tasks that require it (read: the stuff corporate executives pay other people to do for them, particularly female people, namely secretaries, wives and others) this man filled out applications for me, doing some of them online, addressed and mailed the ones going out of town and hand-delivered the rest.  This was almost unbelievably (!) helpful and I felt cautiously optimistic that things might finally be on the right track: a track towards getting me the disability and need-based benefits I’m entitled to as a seriously ill person with a disabling incurable, progressive disease.

To wit, Social Security benefits, into which I have paid since I started working when I was 15 and which they will just give to me freely if I live long enough but for which I have to beg in order to receive now, and housing, food and cash assistance that will help me stay in my little apartment, run my small business and somewhat control my environment and my access to climate control/lights/running water/refrigeration/toilet etc. and privacy and relative peace in which to care for my 2 adopted shelter cats and manage the daily pain and indignities of my disabling autoimmune disease.

The online application for SSD was returned to me in hardcopy to review, sign and return.  lol.  Along with a notice that if I want to also apply for SSI, the “other” form of disability-based benefits that’s basically exactly the same as SSD and as far as I know requires mostly the same information sent to the same place, I had to do a separate application for that.  lol.  The application for food and cash assistance was “never received” by social services, according to social services, even though Dave hand-delivered it and watched them time/date stamp it himself.  lol.

Continue reading “Of All The Things I’ve Lost, I Miss My Mind The Most. Ft. Joker”

Cannabis Refugee, Esq. One Year Later. (Meta Discussion)

As my readers may’ve seen or sensed from the recent comments and content on this blog, I have become disillusioned with the CRE writing project and may decide not to continue writing about my experience as a Crohn’s patient trying to survive outside the Western medical system that was not helping me and was only making me worse.  As far as I can tell, this project has not inspired any additional writing or critical thinking on this subject, my posts have not been widely shared or inspired much interesting feedback, and this work has not opened up any additional opportunities for me in the way of writing or activism.  Of course, those were not the reasons I started this blog in the first place but they are to be considered when looking into the future of this project and whether it is in my or anyone’s best interest that it continue.

My original intent in starting this project nearly one year ago was to document my experiences as a seriously ill woman for whom conventional medical treatments were not working including the social, financial and health-related fallout of this system that seems designed to control and punish sick people while we carry the blame and shame for Western medicine’s failures and even its lies.  At times my health and financial situation have been so precarious that I actually believed (and still do believe) that I am going to die here, alone and in the middle nowhere, and I wanted the truth about what happened to me to be known or at least knowable by those who would wonder what the hell could’ve possibly happened that led to that sad and lonely end.

Continue reading “Cannabis Refugee, Esq. One Year Later. (Meta Discussion)”

Happy New Year! 2018 Year In Review (Chronically Ill Version). Ft. Cannabis Refugee, Esq. Meta Discussion.

2018 Year in Review (Chronically Ill version).  I was sick every single day, 365 days in a row, no shit.  I had a couple of relatively good days but I have no idea what I did to deserve them and was unable to replicate them.  I had a lot of bad days.  Overall, I am feeling worse over time.  For some reason I’m still here which terrorizes and terrifies me every minute of every day.  I surpassed my mental and physical limits a long time ago but no one cares what my limits are.  It’s a miracle that I’ve avoided either the hospital or jail due to intractable physical and mental pain.  The End.  LMAO @ “The End.”  Who am I kidding, this is going to go on forever.  I’m starting to think I died and came back because there is no way any human being could live through this for this long and I’m pretty sure I actually died like twice, if not 4 or 5 times that I can think of.  Am I am zombie?  Or a ghost?  A ghost would make perfect sense since I seem to be invisible now.  What the fuck.  I have no idea what’s happening to me.  The End.  LOL.  FML.

But seriously, I have found myself wishing people “Happy New Year!” as if there is anything likely to be “new” about it when my life as a chronically ill person has been completely the same day in and day out for going on 6 years now (I was diagnosed in 2013).  Meet the new boss!  Same as the old boss.  And chronic, progressive illness is the boss baes.  I no longer have much if any say over what happens to me.  For some reason in my well-wishes I have also included something like “I hope 2019 sucks less ass than previous years” but truthfully is late-stage capitalism and patriarchy — or chronic illness — likely to improve with time?  Is it?  I’m just asking.  And apologizing to anyone I may’ve said that to because in hindsight I realize it’s ridiculous.

I have enjoyed (not the right word) writing this blog and interacting with those who choose to do that.  I hope it has been helpful and a cohesive, coherent and relevant project.  I think it has been.  The first posts I wrote for this project were literally the first opportunity and ability I had in the nearly 4 years I have been here to gather and articulate my thoughts about what has happened to me since I’ve been ill and treating with both Western medicine and now medical cannabis, including what it all means politically in a big-picture way.  I think I did that accurately, and radically, and well.  Importantly, this project also helped me to recover my sanity and even my identity which were suffering under the heat and weight of my lived experience — living with a chronic, progressive disease, as an unkept female, under late-stage capitalism and patriarchy is hell, utter hell.  I know there are people here who understand what that means.  I didn’t understand it until it happened to me.

Continue reading “Happy New Year! 2018 Year In Review (Chronically Ill Version). Ft. Cannabis Refugee, Esq. Meta Discussion.”

Patreon Drive for August 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support. Update Below the Fold.

patreon
Please click the Patreon image in the sidebar or use the links below to visit my Patreon page. Thank you for your support. >>>>>>>>>

Thank you to my 12 existing Patrons!  I appreciate your support.

I would never ask to be rescued from a more or less natural death.  When I came here 3 years ago to treat my serious chronic illness with medical cannabis, I really felt like I was dying, that I had no choice and that even if I “lost everything” it would not matter.  My quality of life was nonexistent and I was so extremely ill that I thought either I would die from my disease (which I believe is essentially a terminal illness, or at least that it’s terminal without treatment) or that I would heal enough to go on with my life even if it looked much differently than it had before.  3 years later, I have “lost it all” having paid out-of-pocket for out-of-state lodging and treatment which has given me profound pain relief and significant healing from the ravages of my incurable and disabling autoimmune condition, Crohn’s disease.  While I consider this to be an unlikely and hard-won personal success and am so grateful that I was able to do that for myself, I am now facing something I did not expect: figuring out how to live into the foreseeable future with an only somewhat healed and temporarily managed illness and no money, no credit, no immediate eligibility for benefits and little or no ability to earn.

Continue reading “Patreon Drive for August 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support. Update Below the Fold.”

Patreon Drive for July 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support. Update Below the Fold.

patreon
Please click the Patreon image in the sidebar or use the links below to visit my Patreon page. Thank you for your support. >>>>>>>>>

Thank you to my 13 existing Patrons!  I appreciate your support.

I would never ask to be rescued from a more or less natural death.  When I came here 3 years ago to treat my serious chronic illness with medical cannabis, I really felt like I was dying, that I had no choice and that even if I “lost everything” it would not matter.  My quality of life was nonexistent and I was so extremely ill that I thought either I would die from my disease (which I believe is essentially a terminal illness, or at least that it’s terminal without treatment) or that I would heal enough to go on with my life even if it looked much differently than it had before.  3 years later, I have “lost it all” having paid out-of-pocket for out-of-state lodging and treatment which has given me profound pain relief and significant healing from the ravages of my incurable and disabling autoimmune condition, Crohn’s disease.  While I consider this to be an unlikely and hard-won personal success and am so grateful that I was able to do that for myself, I am now facing something I did not expect: figuring out how to live into the foreseeable future with an only somewhat healed and temporarily managed illness and no money, no credit, no immediate eligibility for benefits and little or no ability to earn.

This is Mama and Chili, my 2 adopted shelter cats.  Mama is the calico and Chili is her now-grown female kitten and appears to be a ragdoll mix.  They are so happy being together and the 3 of us have been blissed out for 3 years living in a modest calm and quiet living space in a beautiful rural area.  Mama and Chili are indoor/outdoor cats and get plenty of fresh air, sunshine, grass to chew on and bugs to chase.  Please help us stay together!

Continue reading “Patreon Drive for July 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support. Update Below the Fold.”