#HighRiskCOVID19. You Don’t Say. Shame v. Cause and Effect (Again)

Apparently, social media is currently alight with a new hashtag, #HighRiskCOVID19 which is being used by people with “underlying medical conditions” who are at greatest risk, besides the elderly, of contracting and becoming dangerously ill with the disease.  Some of these people, but not all, are autoimmune patients and others voluntarily taking immunity-decimating Big Pharma medications to “treat” their underlying diseases including cancer, rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, and Crohn’s disease.  The message is intended to convince “well” people to stay home in order to not risk spreading the virus throughout communities and ultimately to those who are already seriously or chronically ill.

Putting aside the fact that these drugs often don’t even work, work well, or work for long to treat the pain and symptoms of autoimmune disease, despite the lies Big Pharma propaganda spews everywhere — lies that sick people’s friends and family often believe instead of believing the testimonies and lived experience of the people they supposedly love — these so-called “biologic” and chemotherapy drugs are prescribed to autoimmune patients because they destroy the sick person’s immune system, thereby (theoretically) preventing it from attacking the sick person’s own tissues.  Of course, destroying anyone’s natural immunity also makes them more susceptible to opportunistic infections and environmental pathogens like the common cold, flu and the novel Coronavirus or COVID19.  Essentially, autoimmune patients taking immunity-decimating drugs have allowed doctors to give them AIDS and all the complications of full-blown untreated AIDS.

In contrast, actual HIV-positive people with full-blown AIDS (assuming they have access to health care) are aggressively treated with an immunity-bolstering protocol and many are able to avoid the hideous outcomes that were a death sentence for AIDS patients in the 80s including lethal fungal infections/thrush, pneumonia and cancer.  But no one is bolstering autoimmune patients’ purposely fucked-up immune systems because that would defeat the point of letting doctors give them therapeutic AIDS to treat their AI.  In fact, immunocompromised AI patients, unlike those with full-blown untreated AIDS due to HIV, are fully expected by everyone to just go back to their previous lives, including returning to full-time work, like they aren’t sick at all.  Somehow having both AI and AIDS = healthy.  Some of them may — or may not — be told to wash their hands and avoid sick people, which is impossible innit.

Many AI patients are not even given the benefit of informed consent and are not fully informed of the very real and expected consequences of destroying their natural immunity to environmental pathogens.  Patients often aren’t even told how the medications they are taking are expected to work, or if they are “informed” they are too sick and cognitively impaired to even understand what they are hearing.  In other words, they don’t know they are consenting to essentially contracting AIDS.  If they do understand it, they may be too sick to even care.*

There is also the issue, isn’t there, of congenitally nonviable infants being handed over to Big Medicine to essentially animate them well enough to be lifelong victims and consumers of patriarchal Western medicine, where many if not all of these infants are immunocompromised and/or have reduced lung capacity and lifelong serious “preexisting medical problems” due to their congenital malformations or premature births.  Before that, many Western women take prescription medications meant to prevent miscarriage, when miscarriage has historically (and prehistorically surely) prevented nonviable and congenitally malformed fetuses from being born at all.  Get it?  Good.  Enter the novel Coronavirus.

Continue reading “#HighRiskCOVID19. You Don’t Say. Shame v. Cause and Effect (Again)”

WWNRD? Or, What Would Nurse Ratched Do? Ft. Nurse Ratched

nurse3
Nurse Ratched was a sadistic, evil bitch at the time and would be that and a dangerously out of touch political dinosaur now.  Please do not do what she would do.  If anything, ask yourself WWNRD and then do the opposite.

Speaking with my mother recently made me sympathize with young smartasses and activists who are just waiting for the elder generation — the out of touch Baby Boomers and the Baby Boomers’ parents and kids by this point — to give up the ghost and die.  A “dinosaur” or political dinosaur is someone whose philosophy and worldview are obsolete and rooted in problematic values and circumstances of the distant past.  For example, as a young activist in my teens and 20s I remember thinking and saying that the world would be a better place once those who grew up with unregulated environmental pollution and legal institutionalized racism, sexism etc. died off because their environmental unconcern, racism and sexism were so entrenched that they either didn’t realize, agree or care that what they were doing and being was wrong.

Welp.  After being sick my entire fucking life with an undiagnosed autoimmune disease, and going on 8 years with a diagnosed one, I am having these same thoughts now about the older generation of Western medical practitioners and others who were born, grew up and/or progenated in a low-population, relatively unpolluted pre-nuclear world where lifelong serious, untreatable, incurable and progressive disease existed only in very small numbers and therefore where older people seem to believe and act as if chronic illness did not and does not exist at all.

To be clear, chronic illness obviously did exist in our recent and distant past, for example, natural uranium deposits are known to cause acute and chronic radiation sickness to those who spend time around it.  And humans have likely always been struck down with genetic and congenital maladies that might not have outright killed them.  But old/er people seem to have lived their entire lives without chronic illness, including autoimmune and immune-mediated disease, front and center in their consciousness or as a part of their lived experience and this does make sense: before, say, the 1940s and 50s the worst industrial (man-made ionizing nuclear) pollutants had yet to be widely dispersed and contemporary Western medicine did not, because it could not, routinely pluck seriously ill and/or nonviable neonates, infants and others from the brink of merciful, natural deaths.  Today, seriously ill children and others are rather forced to live for years, decades and lifetimes with serious illnesses that do not outright kill them, because Western medicine will not allow it, but which Western medicine has yet to figure out how to treat, relieve, or cure.

Having researched chronic illness, primarily autoimmune and immune-mediated disease for going on 8 years now, it seems to me that, in stark contrast to the life experience and worldview of older people, young people today generally are very aware that incurable and progressive chronic illness exists.  Over and over I see that young people today, at least young Western people, well understand and accept the reality of chronic illness much more freely than older people, and the implications of that are extremely dark.  From what I can discern, this difference in worldview likely exists because young people are increasingly becoming seriously chronically ill themselves.  Young people understand and accept the material reality of chronic illness because experiencing it personally as individuals and in their peer group they have no choice but to accept it.

And over and over I see that older people are generally ignorant about issues of chronic illness and that they have not experienced it either individually or in their peer group.  Frighteningly, instead of recognizing their blessed ignorance and trying to remedy it, older people think that their personal opinion based on outdated and second- and third-hand pseudo-knowledge about chronic illness matters or affects the outcome.  It doesn’t, but unfortunately many medical professionals, healthcare policymakers, paid and unpaid caretakers and the like embrace an outdated worldview that no longer applies in our post-nuclear, Western world, and thus do not or cannot fully believe the self-reports of, or even contemporary peer-reviewed medical research addressing, the experiences and needs of seriously chronically ill.

Continue reading “WWNRD? Or, What Would Nurse Ratched Do? Ft. Nurse Ratched”

More Evidence of Autoimmunity? Surgery “Complications” and Delayed Healing from Medicalized Trauma

This is mommy vlogger Bonnie Hoellein.  I have written about this woman before after both she and her sister were constantly vlogging about crapping themselves in public and I wondered aloud if one or both of them suffer from autoimmune conditions, specifically inflammatory bowel disease including ulcerative colitis or the hideous, disabling disease I suffer from, Crohn’s disease.

In the last year or so, Bonnie has had at least 2 rounds of cosmetic surgeries to correct various things she didn’t like about her body.  Both times, she suffered horrific complications from the surgery including delayed healing, infections, and what her husband has described as being at “death’s door.”  Based on my research this woman’s surgical complications and delayed healing from medicalized trauma is more evidence that she probably has an undiagnosed (or even a diagnosed yet publicly undisclosed) autoimmune condition.

Whether or not she knows she is ill, this woman — like a lot of women surely — keeps putting her health and life in danger by undergoing elective surgeries.  The medical research indicates that autoimmune patients do indeed suffer from delayed and complicated wound healing:

Continue reading “More Evidence of Autoimmunity? Surgery “Complications” and Delayed Healing from Medicalized Trauma”

The Diagnostics Racket. Ft. Scooby Doo.

This needn’t be a long post but I was just thinking about how disingenuous it is to break up bodies into “parts” and “systems” in order to diagnose what’s wrong with sick people as if it matters.  Sick is sick, and if anyone were being honest about any of this we would all admit that what sick people need, more or less universally, is marijuana and a clean, safe environment in which to convalesce and to maybe or maybe not “recover.”  Some things have no cure.  We know that.

Marijuana works for everything, for every “part” and every “system” (the body/mind as a whole IOW) and this has been known by humans for thousands of years.  Playing dumb and worse, subjecting sick humans to inherently necrophilic compartmentalization in any form in order to heal them is not going to work.  Stabbing sick people in the bone to see if they have leukemia — when we already know that marijuana is a the safe and effective treatment both for leukemia and things that mimic leukemia — is simply cruelty.  Get it?  Subjecting anyone’s allegedly loved one to a bone-stabbing for no good reason — and I just showed that there isn’t a good reason — is cruelty.  And friends and family (and doctors obvs) should be ashamed for doing this but when it comes to the diagnostic racket people seem pretty shameless.  It frankly disgusts me.

You all just want to play dumb, acting like marijuana and a clean, safe place to convalesce isn’t clearly, obviously and universally what’s needed in every case.  Your ignorance is cartoonish.  You sound exactly like Scooby Doo in my exhausted fed up and terminally inflamed brain.

Sick person: I need real medicine that works in the first place and to stop being made worse in the second.

Everyone:  RUUUUTTTTT?  Rye ron’t ret it!

Sick person: The things I need cost money and I am unable to earn money anymore because sick.

Everyone: RUUUUTTTTTT?  Rye ron’t rav renny runny!*

* Obviously I understand that not everyone has money.  But one, a lot of people have a lot more money than they are willing to admit, they just have other priorities.  Also, there is a whole conversation to be had around the fact that sick people aren’t getting what they need, and that conversation needn’t center the finances of one person or one family.  If you aren’t the one who’s sick the conversation should NEVER center on you, it’s not about you.  RUUUUTTTTT?  Yeah.

Comments Open.

Cannabis Refugee, Esq. One Year Later. (Meta Discussion)

As my readers may’ve seen or sensed from the recent comments and content on this blog, I have become disillusioned with the CRE writing project and may decide not to continue writing about my experience as a Crohn’s patient trying to survive outside the Western medical system that was not helping me and was only making me worse.  As far as I can tell, this project has not inspired any additional writing or critical thinking on this subject, my posts have not been widely shared or inspired much interesting feedback, and this work has not opened up any additional opportunities for me in the way of writing or activism.  Of course, those were not the reasons I started this blog in the first place but they are to be considered when looking into the future of this project and whether it is in my or anyone’s best interest that it continue.

My original intent in starting this project nearly one year ago was to document my experiences as a seriously ill woman for whom conventional medical treatments were not working including the social, financial and health-related fallout of this system that seems designed to control and punish sick people while we carry the blame and shame for Western medicine’s failures and even its lies.  At times my health and financial situation have been so precarious that I actually believed (and still do believe) that I am going to die here, alone and in the middle nowhere, and I wanted the truth about what happened to me to be known or at least knowable by those who would wonder what the hell could’ve possibly happened that led to that sad and lonely end.

Continue reading “Cannabis Refugee, Esq. One Year Later. (Meta Discussion)”

Medically Futile Care as Ritual. Part II. The Political Intent and Effect of Flogging Corpses, Framing Zombification as “Life Support” Etc. What’s Going On?

In my last post I wrote about an article published in a British medical journal that admitted that medically futile care — care that is not expected to increase a sick or dying patient’s health or prolong their life — has ritualistic intent and effect on the population at large.  I did not pay to access the full article and the abstract did not detail the ritualistic intent/effect so I was left to surmise for myself what the intent and effects are on society as a whole when Western medicine in particular flogs corpses with no reasonable chance of being revived; prolongs the dying process with aggressive and violent transplants and surgeries, resuscitation attempts and so-called “life support” including intravenous nutrition and hydration, mechanical breathing and filtration and the like; artificially delivers and maintains genetically or congenitally nonviable infants instead of letting them die naturally and so on.

I have observed previously that Western medicine attempting to treat untreatable, incurable and progressive disease is also ritualistic and does not benefit the patient except to function as a means of compliance and confession where sick people, especially sick women, are expected to confess their sins of and accept a flogging for being failed producers/consumers under capitalism and patriarchy.  Thus I would include such ineffective care under the heading of ritualistic medically futile care although the article I was responding to did not address or include that type of futility.  As a radical feminist I reject patriarchal rituals on their face and refuse to participate in them at all where and when I have a choice.  I have resisted using the capitalistic patriarchal (Western) medical doctor’s office as confessional, and refused to accept the flogging of brutal treatments that will not increase my overall quality of life or even reliably delay my death, instead choosing to treat my otherwise intractable pain and symptoms with medical cannabis.

So the existence of medically futile care as (capitalistic, patriarchal) ritual does not seem to be at issue, being freely admitted to by researchers who frame these rituals as having a positive effect on society — an effect which transcends the abuse and pain suffered by individual patients who are subjected to it but do not themselves directly benefit from it in terms of an increased quality or even quantity/length of life.  So what exactly is the specific ritualistic intent and effect on society at large of flogging corpses, creating and maintaining zombified “undead” and/or profoundly impaired patients on so-called life support, artificially reducing natural levels of infant mortality and so on?

Continue reading “Medically Futile Care as Ritual. Part II. The Political Intent and Effect of Flogging Corpses, Framing Zombification as “Life Support” Etc. What’s Going On?”

Running Through Fire With an Ostomy Bag. Homeless Without Humira. Can You Imagine?

Yet again I am contemplating and empathizing with the plight of the seriously chronically ill in the midst of an ongoing natural disaster, this time raging wildfires in Northern and Southern California.  This morning I read the story of a woman who had given birth via C-section in the city of Paradise which that very day ended up burnt to the ground.  She was still on an IV drip with a spanking-fresh surgical wound and an hours-old newborn, unable to even walk on her own, and was forced to catch a ride out of dodge with a nonmedical hospital worker to whom she decreed: if the fire overtakes this car, take my baby and run.  Gamely, the nonmedical hospital worker hung this woman’s IV bag from the rearview mirror and in just 9 short hours they had made the 20 minute drive to the next town to another hospital where, I presume, she is continuing her recovery from what is, of course, major (and probably elective) surgery and on top of that, likely major psychological trauma from both the surgery and the fire.

The home she had shared with her husband in Paradise has been reduced to its chimney as a large portion of the state continues to burn throwing hundreds of thousands of lives into prolonged chaos.  Some 10,000 homes have burned and many more people than that have been left homeless, camping out in tents in the parking lot of the local Walmart (if they are lucky enough to even have a tent) living in cars (unless theirs was lost or left behind) or renting a hotel room if they can locate, access and afford one — every room within 100 miles is currently occupied by displaced fire victims and other evacuees.

As a climate refugee myself, before I became a cannabis refugee, I was left homeless after losing my apartment in Hurricane Sandy and I can vividly imagine and feel these evacuees’ pain, stress and grief as they attempt to survive the “aftermath” of an ongoing regional disaster where all has been lost, damaged or destroyed, and that includes all infrastructure, including medical infrastructure.  While the experience of being a climate (or other) refugee in the best of circumstances is daunting, traumatizing and horrific, what are seriously ill people expected to do on top of everything else when they are also tied to the Western medical system either temporarily or for life because they have submitted to alterations/interventions like surgeries, ostomies, picc lines and the like, but where medical goods and services (including ostomy supplies and even intravenous nutrition) become unavailable due to an ongoing natural disaster?  What of those who are dependent on Big Pharma drugs to manage their symptoms or who are addicted to prescription painkillers and psych meds but who, due to circumstances beyond their control, are unable to refill their prescriptions and start to experience dangerous and even life-threatening disease relapses and clinical withdrawal?

Continue reading “Running Through Fire With an Ostomy Bag. Homeless Without Humira. Can You Imagine?”

Aaaaaannnndddddd…We’re Back to Grateful. I Literally Forgot What a Full-Blown Crohn’s Flare Was Like.

So for the past week or so I have been in a full-blown Crohn’s flare.  Being sick as hell all the time anyway, even when my GI symptoms are relatively minimal (meaning, minimal for me as a person with a chronic and debilitating autoimmune and GI disease) I guess I had forgotten how bad things can actually get!  Despite having recently worsening symptoms like crippling fatigue, arthritis in my fingers, toes, shoulders, hips and spine, dizziness and trouble walking, my GI symptoms have been at a blessed minimum lately, consisting merely of having to ruthlessly police my own diet and avoiding most foods available in the supermarket or anywhere; waking up nauseated every single day and having to lay (well, writhe around) in bed for an hour every morning trying to fart (apparently extreme bloating makes one nauseated?  Who knew!); being hit randomly throughout the day with stabbing abdominal pains, gas and bloating, “heartburn” which is really esophageal spasms that feel more like a cardiac event than a gastrointestinal one, pangs of nausea and other distressing sensations, and being glad I live alone so I can accomplish this daily ritual/grind in peace.

Other than that (!!) I felt relatively okay until about 10 days ago when the dreaded intestinal gurgling began.  As far as I can tell the gurgling starts as I become more and more inflamed and less and less able to control my symptoms — is it masticated food trying to bypass an obstruction?  Because that’s what it seems like to me.  In short order I was in a full-blown flare in which my abdomen feels, looks and is like a bloated whiskey barrel overstuffed with boggy loaves of bread, broken glass, molten lava, and poison.  The broken glass, molten lava and poison are self-explanatory (severe sharp/gnawing/grinding pain, burning, smothering malaise).  The boggy loaves of bread are my inflamed intestines and that’s exactly what it feels like — for instance, instead of moving and/or bending easily at the waist, bending over becomes grueling and distressing and literally feels like I am working against a waterlogged loaf of Wonder bread where my appendix and terminal ileum should be (abdominal right lower quadrant).  There’s another loaf where my ascending colon should be and so on.  If I drop something on the floor whilst in this sorry state it better be something I won’t be needing for awhile because I literally cannot bend over (or reach!) to pick it up again.

Continue reading “Aaaaaannnndddddd…We’re Back to Grateful. I Literally Forgot What a Full-Blown Crohn’s Flare Was Like.”

Yes Pot Works. Yes It’s Been Around a Long Time. Enough with the Red Herrings. Also, “Education” of the Oppressor is Never A Solution to Political Oppression.

I wouldn’t call these vids a waste of time exactly, if you need something educational to listen to while doing the dishes or commuting or whatever.  But for those of us who already are educated on this issue, and for those of us who understand that education is not, in fact, a reliable road to any kind of political revolution (because everything they do to us is deliberate, meaning they know what they are doing) this kind of material is very boring and rings very hollow.  Doesn’t it?  The assumption that education is the key to solving the problem of cannabis prohibition and restriction is prevalent in every pro-cannabis dialog I have ever heard, and this tells me loud and clear that most people do not in fact realize that what we are dealing with is political oppression and that they think it’s something else entirely.  And I have no idea how to remedy that.

Continue reading “Yes Pot Works. Yes It’s Been Around a Long Time. Enough with the Red Herrings. Also, “Education” of the Oppressor is Never A Solution to Political Oppression.”

Please Stay off the Astroturf! Do Corporate Crohn’s and Cannabis Blogs Bury Independent Media?

When I was first creating and launching this project, I researched what was already out there with regard to Crohn’s and cannabis blogs and I found that there are easily hundreds of thousands of each and that they are heavily corporate sponsored.  Big Pharma sponsors (or creates) Crohn’s and other disease and “health” related blogs in order to push their corporate propaganda, in this case, the propaganda that Big Pharma voodoo is effective and easily, completely and permanently treats Crohn’s disease.  But patients know better, and if you want to hear their voices you have to dig pretty deep, beyond the heavily promoted fake astroturf and down to the grassroots — grassroots meaning the voice of the truly independent media, regular people who are telling the truth about their experiences because they have no incentive to lie.

These “real” Crohn’s patient stories are only found on people’s independent personal channels, blogs and vlogs and are not sponsored and are not part of a larger “project” on Crohn’s disease, IBD, healthcare or alternative healthcare, or the like.  The Crohn’s project channels are tricky because they seem to be hosting the stories of “real patients” (TM) but one cannot help but notice that they speak exclusively positively about their disease, their conventional treatments and their lives as sick people and reliably downplay the negatives, such as framing iatrogenic illnesses and injuries caused by the treatments themselves as “hiccups” and the various surgeries, procedures and complications they have anyway despite their allegedly effective conventional treatment as just #crohnslife and you will find those kinds of stories on YouTube channels with names like: Living with Crohn’s Disease.  Crohn’s and Colitis UK.  Real Life Stories.  Life with IBD.  Avoid those and anything similar to those like the corporate-sponsored astroturf they are.

Continue reading “Please Stay off the Astroturf! Do Corporate Crohn’s and Cannabis Blogs Bury Independent Media?”

How Sick is Sick? Why “Just Wear a Diaper” is Not Good Advice.

Just wear a diaper.  This was the response of my now ex-boyfriend when I told him how sick I was due to my Crohn’s disease, that I was unable to travel, and that if I was ever going to leave this cannabis legal state for another more affordable one I would need help with literally everything that entailed, up to and including supporting me with physical caretaking for the duration of the trip and likely continuing once I got there.  Before I started to feel significantly better, about a year and a half after beginning treatment with medical cannabis, I was extremely, extremely ill, more ill than I had ever been in my life, sicker than I ever thought possible, and so sick I actually thought I would die.  I hadn’t slept well if at all in literally years by then, I had been unable to eat or digest food without extreme physical distress for the same amount of time, and had lost significant weight.  But more importantly than weight, sleep or nutrition, every last drop of my former vitality was gone and no matter what I did or didn’t do, including 2 full years of compliance, dutifully taking Western medical treatments that were actually making me worse, nothing helped to quash the hellish, unrelenting pain and symptoms of my serious chronic illness.  I was absolutely circling the drain.

Before this happened to me I had no idea it was even possible to be that sick.  How sick was I?  Well, I was so sick that eating food put me in severe distress, so much that not eating at all was preferable, even if I didn’t eat for days, and even if the reason I didn’t eat for days was because I had the flu.  Having the flu and not being able to eat for days actually made me feel better than I usually felt because all food made me extremely, extremely ill including severe unrelenting bloating, nausea, fevers, full body and joint pain, crippling abdominal pain, gut spasms, urgency and diarrhea.  I felt better with a full-blown flu than I did on a normal Crohn’s day.

Remember last time you had the flu?  Try.  Try to remember how badly it sucked and how long it lasted, how your whole body hurt inside and out, how you were cognitively slowed if not downright impaired, how you had a massive fever and a crippling headache, how difficult if not impossible it was to do everyday tasks like driving, conducting telephone or in-person business like making and getting to an appointment or getting prescriptions filled, how hard it was to work a full day (or how hard it was to even move) how you lost your appetite completely, how you shit and/or puked your guts out if you even tried to eat or drink.  As an un- and undertreated Crohn’s patient, having the flu and all it entails was actually bliss for me and better than I could ever hope for on a normal day because I couldn’t eat, and where food made me extremely, extremely ill.  In fact, if I hadn’t come down with the second-worst flu of my life 2 days before I was scheduled to travel across the country to legally treat my Crohn’s disease with medical cannabis, I may not have been able to make the trip at all.  That is how unbelievably sick I have been as a Crohn’s patient, but I have found that it was and is impossible to get anyone to understand it if they have not experienced it themselves, and that generally-well people just do not get what being seriously or chronically ill is really like and apparently it’s impossible to explain it to them.

So why is “just wear a diaper” not good advice to someone who is chronically, incurably and progressively ill, basically incontinent and unable to predict when, where, how frequently etc. they will have to “use the toilet” whether or not there is actually a toilet around?  Because diapers aren’t meant for sick people, that’s why, and diapers do not make someone who is extremely ill well again.  They just don’t and they just can’t.  Believe it or don’t, there are limits to what diapers are able to do, you see, and it has everything to do with what diapers were (and were not) designed to do in the first place.

Babies shitting into diapers aren’t sick, elderly people doing the same thing aren’t sick.  Get it?  They do not have crippling pain that accompanies their often unpredictable need to shit, they do not have to puke at the same time they are shitting, they do not have to figure out how to lay down and shit at the same time — or do all of this while puking — because they are too ill to sit up and shit or to sit up to shit-while-puking.  If you do not have Crohn’s disease yourself, it is likely that you have never considered that it was even possible to be this sick just like I didn’t know until it happened to me.  But hearing this kind of fuckwittery — like “just wear a diaper!” — from people who are supposed to care about you is not helpful.  Please read on if you do not wish to seriously hurt someone you are supposed to care about but who has, unfortunately, fallen seriously chronically ill.

Continue reading “How Sick is Sick? Why “Just Wear a Diaper” is Not Good Advice.”

“Addiction” is Only Relevant to Recreational Use. If You Can’t Stop Taking it Anyway, Who Cares?

After about a year of costly trial and error in trying to find which medical marijuana products and dosages worked for me to treat the unrelenting pain, symptoms and damage of my Crohn’s disease, I finally found a cannabis product that kept me at a comfortable level of medication 24 hours a day — transdermal patches.  Some people only need a half a patch and can leave it on for 48 hours and stay comfortable but I found that I needed 2 full patches, and I will change them every 24 hours if I am feeling ill, or leave them on for 48 hours when I am feeling relatively well.  These are very low dose and very expensive per milligram compared to other products like edibles and vape, but I have found that this delivery method works the best for me especially with regard to gut spasms and urgency where I no longer feel tied to the bathroom and can mostly take care of what I need to in a day.  The low dose does not make me feel stoned either, just physically and mentally comfortable and not constantly reminded of my pain and not constantly monitoring my condition and having to think about medicating, worrying about getting “too low” where my pain and symptoms came back with a vengeance and then not worrying about getting “too high” where I was incapacitated from the medicine.

When I discovered the patches, I felt like I had finally gotten my life back although as a chronically ill person with an incurable and progressive disease, I never really feel “well” as a well person would define that, and I have not felt like “myself” in 6 years.  And now that I have been using the patches for about 2 years I have noticed that I cannot comfortably come completely “down” from them without my symptoms returning immediately — if I let it go longer than 24 hours when I am sick, or longer than 48 hours when I am feeling relatively well, I know it.  I begin feeling run down, feverish, have a weird full-body sensation of extreme physical and mental irritability which I can best describe as a combination of humming/vibrating and crunchy/scratchy, I have sleep disturbances and insomnia, and my gut symptoms return including deeply aggravating gurgling and bubbling, nausea, bloating, heartburn, terrifying esophageal spasms for which many people visit the emergency room of hospitals every year because it feels like you are dying and can be mistaken for heart attack symptoms, gut spasms, bogginess, pain, urgency, and diarrhea.

Of course, I had already had all of these symptoms, including the weird irritability crunchy/scratchy/vibrating thing just from the Crohn’s and well before I ever tried medical cannabis.  I have researched the effects of “cannabis addiction” and withdrawal, which seem to be a thing although being merely extremely uncomfortable it’s nothing like the dangerous and potentially deadly effects of opioid and opiate withdrawal, and the symptoms of cannabis withdrawal seem to mirror the symptoms of Crohn’s more or less exactly.  So when I “come down” from my medication, am I having symptoms of cannabis withdrawal or Crohn’s?  And if I am “dependent” on and can’t stop taking the cannabis anyway because as a person with a dangerous inflammatory bowel disease I will need to take anti-inflammatory or other medication for the rest of my life to avoid a dangerous flare, and cannabis is a powerful anti-inflammatory, does it even matter if I am “addicted” to or dependent on the cannabis at this point?  If I can’t stop taking it anyway, who cares?

Continue reading ““Addiction” is Only Relevant to Recreational Use. If You Can’t Stop Taking it Anyway, Who Cares?”

“The Cannabis” is the Only Reason I Can Tolerate This. Another Family Member’s Response.

You are totally wrong about Crohn’s survivors.  The real survivors have real families and real jobs and real lives.  You need to up your game.

This was my mother’s response — remember her?  She’s a nurse.  She was responding to me telling her — a nurse — that Crohn’s disease is incurable and progressive, and that if she thought that my treatment with medical cannabis was a failure because I wasn’t cured, she wasn’t thinking things through.  A nurse, a fucking nurse, not only has no idea that an incurable and progressive disease is both incurable and progressive, she disbelieves me when I tell her, and she has obviously never even bothered looking it up.  Here is the first result when you ask Google “Is Crohn’s disease progressive?”

Stages of Crohn’s Disease

Crohn’s disease is marked by inflammation of the gastrointestinal (GI) tract. The inflammation can appear anywhere in the GI tract from the mouth to the anus. People with the disease often experience ups and downs in symptoms. They may even experience periods of remission. However, Crohn’s is a progressive disease that starts with mild symptoms and gradually gets worse. The stages of Crohn’s range from mild to moderate to severe. The earlier you treat and manage Crohn’s, the more likely you’ll reduce your risk for developing severe symptoms.

That was from Healthline but it’s also on other sites as well, like this offering from a peer-reviewed medical journal:

Crohn’s disease (CD) is a progressive disease that is subdivided into three phenotypes: inflammatory, stricturing and penetrating. At diagnosis, most CD patients have inflammatory disease. However, the natural history of CD is one of progression over time to structural complications of the gastrointestinal tract (strictures and fistulae) requiring hospitalizations and surgeries.

And this from the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation, a well-known Crohn’s and colitis charity (whatever the hell “charity” means in that context.  They fund medical research) when asked whether Crohn’s is incurable:

Known collectively as inflammatory bowel diseases (IBD), Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis affect more than 1.6 million Americans. That’s one in every 200 Americans living with one of these debilitating, medically incurable diseases that attack the digestive system.

Continue reading ““The Cannabis” is the Only Reason I Can Tolerate This. Another Family Member’s Response.”

A Family Member’s Response.

After reading your email, I just don’t see how your “treatment” has led you any where but down and out.  Your list of food and supplements are far more expensive than any working person can buy on a daily basis.

You haven’t seen a “traditional” doctor for 3 yrs or more.  And I’m not a supporter of anyone using weed as a treatment.  It will NOT help anyone seeking a cure, it may dull the pain…..but I’m not sure on that one either.  In the end you are still sick.

Now you need to do the work to get you back into the normal medical system and work with in that system for your future well fare.  Your way has not come to a workable end for you.  It has depleted and used up all of your time, talents and income. It’s taken you 3 years for it to come to this, now change course and bring yourself back to the surface.

My sister recently suggested that I send out an email blast to my mom’s side of the family to tell them what’s going on and to ask for help.  Since I have started flaring the last month or so, probably due to my increasingly poor diet and the stress of my situation and looming homelessness due to having expended all my personal resources on out-of-state lodging and treatment with medical cannabis, she thought I needed to ask for help buying supplements to boost my health and recover my energy and temporary assistance with living expenses.  From there, I don’t know what she had in mind except that without health and energy, there is no way I would be able to do anything and I very shortly will need to make a change as I will be unable to continue paying rent in a cannabis legal state.

For 2 days I received no replies whatsoever to my correspondence.  Today, this came.  This is from my mom’s sister, who is usually the spokesperson of the family so I assume this is their collective response.  I have not responded yet, and I may never, because what is there to say?  Let’s take it bit by bit.

Continue reading “A Family Member’s Response.”

Another 4/20 Post. The Literal Insanity of the “Alternative Treatment” Dilemma. Or, Too Sane to Ride the Crazy Train, But Buying a Ticket Anyway.

This post was inspired by a comment left by Nat.

It took me a good year and a half before I figured out a cannabis and diet and nutritional protocol that worked for me to treat the debilitating symptoms and pain of my Crohn’s disease.  After an entire year spent trying various cannabis products and finding profound pain relief and significant healing of my gut, I next started a regimen of top-quality supplements and 100% organic and fermented organic foods.  After an additional 6 months on the new diet, combined with continued cannabis use, finally I started feeling noticeably better.  Against considerable odds, I had managed to heal my gut well enough to process and absorb nutrients from food, and I had added a quality multivitamin, digestive enzyme and whole nutritious organic and non-GMO foods to provide those nutrients and it worked.

After being out-of-state treating with medical cannabis and organic and fermented organic foods for a year and a half, and having nowhere else to go and no way to get there anyway as I was still too weak to travel, I felt I had the energy to try to “make it” in my new home state.  For a year and a half after that I was able to continue paying for out-of-state housing and medical treatments by working intermittently on my small business and by maxing out my credit and liquidating my modest assets but now everything is gone; by itself, my ability to work intermittently will not be good enough to sustain my health, my home or my life.  Not only am I broke and my credit destroyed, my financial documents are a shambles and will be so indefinitely due to my inability to reliably maintain the books of my small business putting need-based benefits out of reach.  The 3-year gap in my medical records beginning when I abandoned Western medicine and sought alternative treatment with medical cannabis means I am ineligible for disability-based benefits too.  While I may be able to fix some of this with a bankruptcy or other action and start over eventually it will be some time before I can even apply for a rental property let alone afford to pay for one in a cannabis legal state or anywhere — I have truly lost it all trying to finance my journey to heal myself with medical cannabis.

I need somewhere to rest, relax and recover for at least a year while I clean up this mess and I need to do it in a cannabis legal state so that I can continue my treatment.  That is what I need if I am going to remain relatively healthy, pain-free and to repair the damage all of this has caused to my finances and to my life and obviously doing so would be in my best interests.  And — notice that’s an and, not a but, that’s important —  there is likely no way I am going to be able to do that.  I am in a cannabis legal state now, and I have figured out a way to heal from and live with Crohn’s disease, but after 3 years I simply cannot afford to stay.

And at the same time I also cannot afford to leave a cannabis legal state with this serious incurable and conventionally untreatable medical condition and doing so would in fact be pure insanity.  Everyone I tell about this says “you can’t leave, you need your medicine!” and of course they are right.  Without access to medical cannabis, I will lose the hard-won gains I have made in my health and well-being — gains which have cost me everything to achieve and maintain even for this short while — only to plummet once again down the Crohn’s-hole of excruciating and intractable physical pain, debilitating systemic effects and digestive issues including dangerous erosions, ulcers, inflammation and other partial bowel obstructions, malabsorption, dehydration and malnutrition, the escalating and aggregating side-effects and iatrogenic illnesses and injuries that come with conventional Crohn’s treatments and unavoidable psychological trauma from both the illness and the treatments themselves.  Within days of stopping my treatment I could easily land in the hospital or worse as I will be unable to control my affect or behavior while suffering from intolerable intractable pain and even though I can see this entirely foreseeable result coming from a mile away, there is nothing I will be able to do to stop it.

Continue reading “Another 4/20 Post. The Literal Insanity of the “Alternative Treatment” Dilemma. Or, Too Sane to Ride the Crazy Train, But Buying a Ticket Anyway.”