Happy New Year! 2018 Year In Review (Chronically Ill Version). Ft. Cannabis Refugee, Esq. Meta Discussion.

2018 Year in Review (Chronically Ill version).  I was sick every single day, 365 days in a row, no shit.  I had a couple of relatively good days but I have no idea what I did to deserve them and was unable to replicate them.  I had a lot of bad days.  Overall, I am feeling worse over time.  For some reason I’m still here which terrorizes and terrifies me every minute of every day.  I surpassed my mental and physical limits a long time ago but no one cares what my limits are.  It’s a miracle that I’ve avoided either the hospital or jail due to intractable physical and mental pain.  The End.  LMAO @ “The End.”  Who am I kidding, this is going to go on forever.  I’m starting to think I died and came back because there is no way any human being could live through this for this long and I’m pretty sure I actually died like twice, if not 4 or 5 times that I can think of.  Am I am zombie?  Or a ghost?  A ghost would make perfect sense since I seem to be invisible now.  What the fuck.  I have no idea what’s happening to me.  The End.  LOL.  FML.

But seriously, I have found myself wishing people “Happy New Year!” as if there is anything likely to be “new” about it when my life as a chronically ill person has been completely the same day in and day out for going on 6 years now (I was diagnosed in 2013).  Meet the new boss!  Same as the old boss.  And chronic, progressive illness is the boss baes.  I no longer have much if any say over what happens to me.  For some reason in my well-wishes I have also included something like “I hope 2019 sucks less ass than previous years” but truthfully is late-stage capitalism and patriarchy — or chronic illness — likely to improve with time?  Is it?  I’m just asking.  And apologizing to anyone I may’ve said that to because in hindsight I realize it’s ridiculous.

I have enjoyed (not the right word) writing this blog and interacting with those who choose to do that.  I hope it has been helpful and a cohesive, coherent and relevant project.  I think it has been.  The first posts I wrote for this project were literally the first opportunity and ability I had in the nearly 4 years I have been here to gather and articulate my thoughts about what has happened to me since I’ve been ill and treating with both Western medicine and now medical cannabis, including what it all means politically in a big-picture way.  I think I did that accurately, and radically, and well.  Importantly, this project also helped me to recover my sanity and even my identity which were suffering under the heat and weight of my lived experience — living with a chronic, progressive disease, as an unkept female, under late-stage capitalism and patriarchy is hell, utter hell.  I know there are people here who understand what that means.  I didn’t understand it until it happened to me.

Continue reading “Happy New Year! 2018 Year In Review (Chronically Ill Version). Ft. Cannabis Refugee, Esq. Meta Discussion.”

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Patreon Drive for August 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support. Update Below the Fold.

patreon
Please click the Patreon image in the sidebar or use the links below to visit my Patreon page. Thank you for your support. >>>>>>>>>

Thank you to my 12 existing Patrons!  I appreciate your support.

I would never ask to be rescued from a more or less natural death.  When I came here 3 years ago to treat my serious chronic illness with medical cannabis, I really felt like I was dying, that I had no choice and that even if I “lost everything” it would not matter.  My quality of life was nonexistent and I was so extremely ill that I thought either I would die from my disease (which I believe is essentially a terminal illness, or at least that it’s terminal without treatment) or that I would heal enough to go on with my life even if it looked much differently than it had before.  3 years later, I have “lost it all” having paid out-of-pocket for out-of-state lodging and treatment which has given me profound pain relief and significant healing from the ravages of my incurable and disabling autoimmune condition, Crohn’s disease.  While I consider this to be an unlikely and hard-won personal success and am so grateful that I was able to do that for myself, I am now facing something I did not expect: figuring out how to live into the foreseeable future with an only somewhat healed and temporarily managed illness and no money, no credit, no immediate eligibility for benefits and little or no ability to earn.

Continue reading “Patreon Drive for August 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support. Update Below the Fold.”

Patreon Drive for July 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support. Update Below the Fold.

patreon
Please click the Patreon image in the sidebar or use the links below to visit my Patreon page. Thank you for your support. >>>>>>>>>

Thank you to my 13 existing Patrons!  I appreciate your support.

I would never ask to be rescued from a more or less natural death.  When I came here 3 years ago to treat my serious chronic illness with medical cannabis, I really felt like I was dying, that I had no choice and that even if I “lost everything” it would not matter.  My quality of life was nonexistent and I was so extremely ill that I thought either I would die from my disease (which I believe is essentially a terminal illness, or at least that it’s terminal without treatment) or that I would heal enough to go on with my life even if it looked much differently than it had before.  3 years later, I have “lost it all” having paid out-of-pocket for out-of-state lodging and treatment which has given me profound pain relief and significant healing from the ravages of my incurable and disabling autoimmune condition, Crohn’s disease.  While I consider this to be an unlikely and hard-won personal success and am so grateful that I was able to do that for myself, I am now facing something I did not expect: figuring out how to live into the foreseeable future with an only somewhat healed and temporarily managed illness and no money, no credit, no immediate eligibility for benefits and little or no ability to earn.

This is Mama and Chili, my 2 adopted shelter cats.  Mama is the calico and Chili is her now-grown female kitten and appears to be a ragdoll mix.  They are so happy being together and the 3 of us have been blissed out for 3 years living in a modest calm and quiet living space in a beautiful rural area.  Mama and Chili are indoor/outdoor cats and get plenty of fresh air, sunshine, grass to chew on and bugs to chase.  Please help us stay together!

Continue reading “Patreon Drive for July 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support. Update Below the Fold.”

Patreon Drive for June 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support.

patreon
Please click the Patreon image in the sidebar or use the links below to visit my Patreon page. Thank you for your support. >>>>>>>>>

Thank you to my 10 existing Patrons!  I appreciate your support.

I would never ask to be rescued from a more or less natural death.  When I came here 3 years ago to treat my serious chronic illness with medical cannabis, I really felt like I was dying, that I had no choice and that even if I “lost everything” it would not matter.  My quality of life was nonexistent and I was so extremely ill that I thought either I would die from my disease (which I believe is essentially a terminal illness, or at least that it’s terminal without treatment) or that I would heal enough to go on with my life even if it looked much differently than it had before.  3 years later, I have “lost it all” having paid out-of-pocket for out-of-state lodging and treatment which has given me profound pain relief and significant healing from the ravages of my incurable and disabling autoimmune condition, Crohn’s disease.  While I consider this to be an unlikely and hard-won personal success and am so grateful that I was able to do that for myself, I am now facing something I did not expect: figuring out how to live into the foreseeable future with an only somewhat healed and temporarily managed illness and no money, no credit, no eligibility for benefits and little or no ability to earn.

This is Mama and Chili, my 2 adopted shelter cats.  Mama is the calico and Chili is her now-grown female kitten and appears to be a ragdoll mix.  They are so happy being together and the 3 of us have been blissed out for 3 years living in a modest calm and quiet living space in a beautiful rural area.  Mama and Chili are indoor/outdoor cats and get plenty of fresh air, sunshine, grass to chew on and bugs to chase.  Please help us stay together!

Continue reading “Patreon Drive for June 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support.”

“Functional Medicine” for Autoimmune Disease. More Gaslighting About the Sustainability of Alternative Treatment.

This video proposing and explaining alternative treatment for autoimmune disease using so-called “functional medicine” was somewhat interesting and gave me a bit of perspective into my own illness including what situations I should avoid in the future if I have any hope of maintaining my new-found relative health.  From a so-called functional medicine perspective, which is explained in this introductory video, it seems as if my extremely toxic upbringing by a sadistic, misogynistic Western medical doctor and nurse, as if there is any other kind, probably contributed to my serious chronic illness where trauma and abuse probably rewires the mind and body in ways that are disease-producing and very difficult to overcome under the brutal conditions of capitalism and patriarchy.

Continue reading ““Functional Medicine” for Autoimmune Disease. More Gaslighting About the Sustainability of Alternative Treatment.”

Please Stay off the Astroturf! Do Corporate Crohn’s and Cannabis Blogs Bury Independent Media?

When I was first creating and launching this project, I researched what was already out there with regard to Crohn’s and cannabis blogs and I found that there are easily hundreds of thousands of each and that they are heavily corporate sponsored.  Big Pharma sponsors (or creates) Crohn’s and other disease and “health” related blogs in order to push their corporate propaganda, in this case, the propaganda that Big Pharma voodoo is effective and easily, completely and permanently treats Crohn’s disease.  But patients know better, and if you want to hear their voices you have to dig pretty deep, beyond the heavily promoted fake astroturf and down to the grassroots — grassroots meaning the voice of the truly independent media, regular people who are telling the truth about their experiences because they have no incentive to lie.

These “real” Crohn’s patient stories are only found on people’s independent personal channels, blogs and vlogs and are not sponsored and are not part of a larger “project” on Crohn’s disease, IBD, healthcare or alternative healthcare, or the like.  The Crohn’s project channels are tricky because they seem to be hosting the stories of “real patients” (TM) but one cannot help but notice that they speak exclusively positively about their disease, their conventional treatments and their lives as sick people and reliably downplay the negatives, such as framing iatrogenic illnesses and injuries caused by the treatments themselves as “hiccups” and the various surgeries, procedures and complications they have anyway despite their allegedly effective conventional treatment as just #crohnslife and you will find those kinds of stories on YouTube channels with names like: Living with Crohn’s Disease.  Crohn’s and Colitis UK.  Real Life Stories.  Life with IBD.  Avoid those and anything similar to those like the corporate-sponsored astroturf they are.

Continue reading “Please Stay off the Astroturf! Do Corporate Crohn’s and Cannabis Blogs Bury Independent Media?”

My Correspondence with Christian Scientists.

Awhile ago as I was wracking my brain trying to figure a way out of this mess, I realized that I needed a strong ally that would respect my desire to avoid capitalistic patriarchal medicine.  The utter contempt and terror I feel towards all medicine and all doctors by now, having failed me and my loved ones so completely, means that I want and need to avoid Western medicine at any and all costs, but where except the hospital or jail can I reasonably expect to end up once I am unable to control my affect or behavior due to the intractable pain and disabling symptoms of my disease?  For lack of a better term, as a chronically ill person with an incurable and progressive disease, but one that Western medicine has a vested interest in pretending they are able to treat, I need an “underground railroad”* to rescue me from doctors, nurses, and Western medicine, and I will need help to keep running from them for the rest of my life up to, including and after I become too sick to run.  I need an organized, well-funded and politically-minded group of people who will not let this happen to me.  And that made me think of the Christian Scientists.

*I understand that my use of the term and concept “underground railroad” is culturally appropriating and that the term refers to a specific historical context, time and place.  However, one of the things oppressed people and particularly oppressed (meaning all) women have always needed was help escaping patriarchal medicine including medicalized abuse, medical experimentation and torture which is exactly what I am talking about in the context of “treating” an incurable progressive disease that does not respond to conventional treatment and mine didn’t.  If someone knows of a better term or concept for what I am expressing here, I hope they will share it.

Continue reading “My Correspondence with Christian Scientists.”