Hi everyone. This is coming at a bad time as my business is slow and I am extremely short on funds, but I desperately need a new printer. I had to replace an HP printer I had for several years when the print head died for a second time. I got a new printer last fall and it’s been a horrible ink hog that I have spent hundreds of dollars on ink to keep going. After maybe 2 weeks of quality printing, to even get it to print at all takes 30 minutes of cleaning and aligning print heads every single time, and even then I only get a couple more weeks worth out of it before it says it needs more ink. I have to print about 12 pages a week of consistently high quality. This printer is not up to the task. I also need a few different office supplies.
If anyone has an unused gift card to Walmart, Office Depot, Best Buy, Ebay or Amazon, or is able and willing to send an extra donation this month, $300 would go a long way to getting me a decent printer, some extra ink cartridges and office supplies. For $100 I could get some more ink and just keep using this printer for another couple of months. $30 would get me some office supplies.
For anyone who wants to, donations can be made on my Patreon page. My email address is posted there in a private post for anyone who wants to send gift cards or correspondence.
I have received $100 already. Thank you for reading and thanks for your support, we really appreciate it.
Remember when I noted that climate change activist Greta Thunberg and all so-called climate change activism is demonstrably pro-nuclear? And when I speculated that Greta’s self-described autistic “super power” was really brain damage from likely radioactive environmental pollution, exactly the kind of environmental pollution that Greta herself never speaks about or acknowledges at all…in her work as a leader in an alleged environmental activist movement? Well, there is now an article written on a conspiratard site that confirms both of my suspicions. And the above vid that cites the article.
Sadly, there are no citations in the article itself on which to follow up and I don’t know what that means. Did the writer — himself an anti-nuke activist and Hiroshima baby — just make it all up out of whole cloth? Maybe, but we can also get pretty far down that road by simply using common sense, considering that there are a lot of radiation-damaged people in Greta’s neck of the woods. Here is a map showing dangerous, genetically/generationally damaging Chernobyl fallout covering parts (well, almost all) of Finland, Sweden and Norway. Greta’s mother was likely exposed to it as a child in the 80s and they all continue to bask in it today, considering that radioactive contamination stays dangerous forever and never goes away.
When trying to confirm the claims that Greta’s family is involved in the nuclear industry, I found this article on another conspiratard site which seems to back it up and references some intrigue, namely orphanings, adoptions and multiple name changes of her male and female ancestors that make researching her family and their connections difficult if not impossible. Here is the part I would be interested in corroborating. From the first conspiratard article:
Greta’s grandfather Lars Lars Ernman, is retired chief financial officer (CFO) of Sandvik, a world-leading tool-maker that manufactures saws and drills for home carpentry, and also steel pipes for nuclear power plants. In partnership with the French atomic energy giant AREVA, the Swedish manufacturer also produces drilling, tunneling and rock-crushing equipment for the global uranium-mining industry.
I also find it interesting that Greta’s ancestors are seasoned professional actors, as do the conspiratards who are starting to suspect that there’s something not-so authentic about Greta and the movement she has inspired. A movement that both explicitly and implicitly supports nuclear power while blaming soccer moms for catastrophic weather and climate change while demonstrably not blaming one of the — if not the — largest most environmentally damaging industries this planet has ever known and will ever know again: the nuclear industry, which notoriously pumps out not merely genetic/generational mutations, illness and death but also “hot particles” which contaminate our water, soil, biomass and ourselves with literal heat.
Since writing about my own Crohn’s disease and social unsupport-related suicide (well, euthanasia) attempts I have researched suicide a bit and found something interesting. Much more interesting than the usual twaddle about anxiety, depression and so-called “mental health” issues that sorry, every woman in this hell-dimension probably experiences somewhat regularly as oppressed people who are almost always trying to keep things alive in a necrophilic culture whether it be plants, pets, children, partners, elderly parents and/or ourselves.
In my estimation, the unusually high stakes of that particular game and myriad of obstacles intentionally placed in our way — meaning quite literally that if we let our guards down for a fucking second, and even if we don’t, literal death will come knocking for ourselves and/or our dependents for which we will suffer both the loss and the blame — would tend to be anxiety-producing in many, most if not all women. Understanding intellectually, intuitively and/or by experience that our role as lifekeepers in a more or less global necrophilic (patriarchal) context is likely to be impossibly difficult (and ultimately futile, because mortality) is depressing. And when I say depressing, obviously I mean that any of us would be forgiven if we just couldn’t get up the mental or physical energy to do it anymore.
And we all know the effects of gaslighting by now since it was very helpfully illustrated in a play and then 2 derivative Hollywood movies that perhaps not very many modern people have seen but which concept has come to be understood and referenced in popular culture as well as in clinical and research literature studying abuse — the intent and effect of gaslighting is to deliberately drive the victim insane. So we have deliberately and predictably anxiety-producing living conditions for most if not all women, which conditions are or become depressing due to futility and exhaustion and then everyone we know and indeed our entire culture/s gaslight us about all of this — telling us in a million ways every day that these conditions that are demonstrably real, aren’t — until we crack, if we don’t die first. There’s your “mental health” crisis innit.
Let me preface this note by saying that I was able to somewhat control my Crohn’s symptoms for 30 fucking years before I got sick. And when I say “sick” I mean sick-sick. The kind that is undeniably disabling, mostly doesn’t respond to treatment and never goes away.
Because I have explored and/or experienced these things firsthand, I know all about prescription and over the counter medication including oral, topical and other traditional medications, as well as Chinese medicine; homeopathy; reflexology; chiropractic; Ayurveda; herbal remedies and tonics; restrictive diets and enteral feeds; probiotics and fermented foods; vitamins, minerals and other supplements; trendy exercise programs and basic ones too; every form of detox, cleanse, fast and purge imaginable (and then some); acupuncture/acupressure/cupping/spooning; aromatherapy; crystal and precious metals therapies; therapeutic massage; meditation and relaxation practices; binaural beats and sound therapy; infrared therapy; Reiki and other energy work; atheist-prayer; talk therapy and otherwise working out your issues; knock-you-down-to-build-you-back-up emotional bootcamps; cutting “toxic people” and things out of your life; letting go and letting God; and thinking about something else for awhile. Did I miss anything? Jesus.
I’ve done it all and I’ve been doing it all for a very long time. This is not my first day, or year, or decade with alternative therapies: I was avoiding nightshades while some of you were still eating French fries with your Happy Meals. Think about that shit a minute. I’ve been doing every alternative therapy imaginable since before many of you were even born. And certainly before any of this shit became cool, or easily accessible, or at all normalized and/or mainstream.
Potatoes (and therefore French fries) are a nightshade BTW, for anyone who doesn’t know. And nightshades are known to be inflammatory. I recently had an old family friend clue me into the harm nightshades can cause. I recall trying to clue people into that in 1992 when I first learned about it but whatever right? He figured it out 30 years later, after being in pain for decades and after having both knees replaced. Good job dude. Seriously, well fucking done. These are the people, and the kinds of people, who are giving me advice. It is, in a word, maddening.
I’ve also been keeping up with the research. I research Crohn’s and other medical conditions weekly if not daily because I am interested in it and interested in the social commentary around it. Where there is none, or nothing interesting, I create social commentary about it on this blog. I know about fecal transplants and have written about it here, I know about so-called “Functional Medicine” and have written about that here, I know about stem-cell therapy (shudder) and Ketamine therapy. I know that there is a potential gene therapy in the pipeline which I will probably never get to try. Because these things cost money and are gatekept and are otherwise inaccessible and/or unsustainable over time. We have been over this. Even if these things work, there are reasons besides not knowing about it that prevent people from accessing them long term or at all. Have you heard of? Have you tried? Yes. Probably. Seriously, stop wasting my fucking time.*
This is a “suicide” note left by a ME/CFS sufferer who sought and found relief from her suffering via legal, medically assisted suicide. She says this manifesto took her months to write, which I do not doubt a bit: it is long, detailed and polished and was written when she was feeling terrible. She wrote it with the intent to describe her almost indescribable pain and experience, and to convince others to take action on behalf of ME/CFS sufferers, both of which are lofty communication goals when anyone is seriously ill.
Describing and convincing have been my most impossible endeavors since I’ve been seriously ill myself and I think I have mostly failed, judging by others’ reactions to everything I’ve managed to gather the physical and emotional grit to attempt to communicate: that I am seriously, hopelessly ill with an incurable, progressive disease, that there is no bottom to how bad this can get, and it matters not what anyone thinks about it. Some things are just true regardless of whether anyone believes it.
In this note, ME/CFS patient Anne Örtegren describes symptoms and dilemmas I have experienced myself and she foresees logical outcomes to her predicament, something sick people and especially sick women are never allowed to do because catastrophization. For example, she knows that her heightened sensitivity to light and sound will make treatment or recovery in a hospital setting impossible where the standard of care in that environment requires constant activity and interruptions, and provides no privacy and no escape from the harsh industrial lighting, interrogations by (allegedly) well meaning staff and the general hustle and bustle of capitalistic money making on the backs and bodies of sick and dying people.
That is but one example of a sick person making informed prognostications regarding likely outcomes of the things other people want to do to us, and as someone who shares these sensitivities to light and sound (and therefore an aversion to hospital settings) as but one example of our shared experience of being seriously ill, I appreciated her spelling it out. I also feel extremely sad that she had to, and furious that no one who allegedly cared about her wellbeing including medical professionals who should be fucking sensitive to the actual needs of real patients could make the leap themselves. There are many such examples in this letter.
See for yourselves, and understand that as illuminating and raw as this letter is, it’s also been edited by the publisher and a so-called suicide prevention expert because the bottom line everywhere appears to be that there is no such thing as rational suicide or euthanasia because well people and people who make money off of the long-term sick and dying say so. And because living in this capitalistic, patriarchal nightmare is so hideous for so many people that “suicide contagion” exists, where just knowing that someone, somewhere had whatever it took to end themselves is likely to cause untold numbers of happy, healthy consumers with bright futures to do the same damn thing. Yeah that’s it, let’s keep telling ourselves that.
The letter as published is reprinted below. The unedited letter supposedly exists online somewhere if anyone cares to look and has the energy to figure out how and where the edited version differs from the original. Comments are open below.
Speaking with my mother recently made me sympathize with young smartasses and activists who are just waiting for the elder generation — the out of touch Baby Boomers and the Baby Boomers’ parents and kids by this point — to give up the ghost and die. A “dinosaur” or political dinosaur is someone whose philosophy and worldview are obsolete and rooted in problematic values and circumstances of the distant past. For example, as a young activist in my teens and 20s I remember thinking and saying that the world would be a better place once those who grew up with unregulated environmental pollution and legal institutionalized racism, sexism etc. died off because their environmental unconcern, racism and sexism were so entrenched that they either didn’t realize, agree or care that what they were doing and being was wrong.
Welp. After being sick my entire fucking life with an undiagnosed autoimmune disease, and going on 8 years with a diagnosed one, I am having these same thoughts now about the older generation of Western medical practitioners and others who were born, grew up and/or progenated in a low-population, relatively unpolluted pre-nuclear world where lifelong serious, untreatable, incurable and progressive disease existed only in very small numbers and therefore where older people seem to believe and act as if chronic illness did not and does not exist at all.
To be clear, chronic illness obviously did exist in our recent and distant past, for example, natural uranium deposits are known to cause acute and chronic radiation sickness to those who spend time around it. And humans have likely always been struck down with genetic and congenital maladies that might not have outright killed them. But old/er people seem to have lived their entire lives without chronic illness, including autoimmune and immune-mediated disease, front and center in their consciousness or as a part of their lived experience and this does make sense: before, say, the 1940s and 50s the worst industrial (man-made ionizing nuclear) pollutants had yet to be widely dispersed and contemporary Western medicine did not, because it could not, routinely pluck seriously ill and/or nonviable neonates, infants and others from the brink of merciful, natural deaths. Today, seriously ill children and others are rather forced to live for years, decades and lifetimes with serious illnesses that do not outright kill them, because Western medicine will not allow it, but which Western medicine has yet to figure out how to treat, relieve, or cure.
Having researched chronic illness, primarily autoimmune and immune-mediated disease for going on 8 years now, it seems to me that, in stark contrast to the life experience and worldview of older people, young people today generally are very aware that incurable and progressive chronic illness exists. Over and over I see that young people today, at least young Western people, well understand and accept the reality of chronic illness much more freely than older people, and the implications of that are extremely dark. From what I can discern, this difference in worldview likely exists because young people are increasingly becoming seriously chronically ill themselves. Young people understand and accept the material reality of chronic illness because experiencing it personally as individuals and in their peer group they have no choice but to accept it.
And over and over I see that older people are generally ignorant about issues of chronic illness and that they have not experienced it either individually or in their peer group. Frighteningly, instead of recognizing their blessed ignorance and trying to remedy it, older people think that their personal opinion based on outdated and second- and third-hand pseudo-knowledge about chronic illness matters or affects the outcome. It doesn’t, but unfortunately many medical professionals, healthcare policymakers, paid and unpaid caretakers and the like embrace an outdated worldview that no longer applies in our post-nuclear, Western world, and thus do not or cannot fully believe the self-reports of, or even contemporary peer-reviewed medical research addressing, the experiences and needs of seriously chronically ill.
Will someone please explain to me how a person’s literal death is evidence that they weren’t actually sick at the time they died or ever? The “I Told You I Was Sick” tombstone may (or may not idk) have been around as long as tombstones themselves have been around and it is even cataloged in a collection of “curious epitaphs” as the epitaph of an ancient hypochondriac.
The epitaph. Of a hypochondriac. Hmm. While I process that very concept a moment, I Google “hypochondria” and find that the word doesn’t mean exactly what I thought it meant. Or rather, the origin of the word itself was nothing like I had assumed. Apparently, the very concept of unverified/unverifiable illness causing patients extreme physical and mental distress originated from complaints involving the abdomen. Why doesn’t that surprise me at all. From Wiki:
Among the regions of the abdomen, the hypochondrium is the uppermost part. The word derives from the Greek term ὑποχόνδριος hypokhondrios, meaning “of the soft parts between the ribs and navel” from ὑπό hypo (“under”) and χόνδρος khondros, or cartilage (of the sternum).
Hypochondria in Late Latin meant “the abdomen”.
The term hypochondriasis for a state of disease without real cause reflected the ancient belief that the viscera of the hypochondria were the seat of melancholy and sources of the vapor that caused morbid feelings. Until the early 18th century, the term referred to a “physical disease caused by imbalances in the region that was below your rib cage”. Robert Burton’s The Anatomy of Melancholy (1621) blamed it “for everything from ‘too much spittle’ to ‘rumbling in the guts’.
Bolds mine. Apparently, people have been presenting to doctors for a long, long time complaining of upper abdominal pain, too much spittle chronic nausea and/or drooling, and rumbling in the guts the dreaded intestinal gurgling that often foretells an impending Crohn’s flare and they had morbid feelings about that. You don’t say.
I should mention here that capsule endoscopy, which is currently the only way to get diagnostic imaging of the lining of the small bowel, is a very new technology that’s extremely expensive and often not covered by insurance. Before modern imaging technology, including capsule endoscopy technology, diseases of the upper part of the abdomen in particular were virtually undiagnosable. Due to its inaccessible location, in practice, even today, for many if not most people getting a reliable diagnostic image of the hypochondrium (!) or the upper part of the abdomen and gastrointestinal tract is impossible.