Patreon Drive for August 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support. Update Below the Fold.

patreon
Please click the Patreon image in the sidebar or use the links below to visit my Patreon page. Thank you for your support. >>>>>>>>>

Thank you to my 12 existing Patrons!  I appreciate your support.

I would never ask to be rescued from a more or less natural death.  When I came here 3 years ago to treat my serious chronic illness with medical cannabis, I really felt like I was dying, that I had no choice and that even if I “lost everything” it would not matter.  My quality of life was nonexistent and I was so extremely ill that I thought either I would die from my disease (which I believe is essentially a terminal illness, or at least that it’s terminal without treatment) or that I would heal enough to go on with my life even if it looked much differently than it had before.  3 years later, I have “lost it all” having paid out-of-pocket for out-of-state lodging and treatment which has given me profound pain relief and significant healing from the ravages of my incurable and disabling autoimmune condition, Crohn’s disease.  While I consider this to be an unlikely and hard-won personal success and am so grateful that I was able to do that for myself, I am now facing something I did not expect: figuring out how to live into the foreseeable future with an only somewhat healed and temporarily managed illness and no money, no credit, no immediate eligibility for benefits and little or no ability to earn.

Continue reading “Patreon Drive for August 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support. Update Below the Fold.”

Patreon Drive for July 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support. Update Below the Fold.

patreon
Please click the Patreon image in the sidebar or use the links below to visit my Patreon page. Thank you for your support. >>>>>>>>>

Thank you to my 13 existing Patrons!  I appreciate your support.

I would never ask to be rescued from a more or less natural death.  When I came here 3 years ago to treat my serious chronic illness with medical cannabis, I really felt like I was dying, that I had no choice and that even if I “lost everything” it would not matter.  My quality of life was nonexistent and I was so extremely ill that I thought either I would die from my disease (which I believe is essentially a terminal illness, or at least that it’s terminal without treatment) or that I would heal enough to go on with my life even if it looked much differently than it had before.  3 years later, I have “lost it all” having paid out-of-pocket for out-of-state lodging and treatment which has given me profound pain relief and significant healing from the ravages of my incurable and disabling autoimmune condition, Crohn’s disease.  While I consider this to be an unlikely and hard-won personal success and am so grateful that I was able to do that for myself, I am now facing something I did not expect: figuring out how to live into the foreseeable future with an only somewhat healed and temporarily managed illness and no money, no credit, no immediate eligibility for benefits and little or no ability to earn.

This is Mama and Chili, my 2 adopted shelter cats.  Mama is the calico and Chili is her now-grown female kitten and appears to be a ragdoll mix.  They are so happy being together and the 3 of us have been blissed out for 3 years living in a modest calm and quiet living space in a beautiful rural area.  Mama and Chili are indoor/outdoor cats and get plenty of fresh air, sunshine, grass to chew on and bugs to chase.  Please help us stay together!

Continue reading “Patreon Drive for July 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support. Update Below the Fold.”

Patreon Drive for June 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support.

patreon
Please click the Patreon image in the sidebar or use the links below to visit my Patreon page. Thank you for your support. >>>>>>>>>

Thank you to my 10 existing Patrons!  I appreciate your support.

I would never ask to be rescued from a more or less natural death.  When I came here 3 years ago to treat my serious chronic illness with medical cannabis, I really felt like I was dying, that I had no choice and that even if I “lost everything” it would not matter.  My quality of life was nonexistent and I was so extremely ill that I thought either I would die from my disease (which I believe is essentially a terminal illness, or at least that it’s terminal without treatment) or that I would heal enough to go on with my life even if it looked much differently than it had before.  3 years later, I have “lost it all” having paid out-of-pocket for out-of-state lodging and treatment which has given me profound pain relief and significant healing from the ravages of my incurable and disabling autoimmune condition, Crohn’s disease.  While I consider this to be an unlikely and hard-won personal success and am so grateful that I was able to do that for myself, I am now facing something I did not expect: figuring out how to live into the foreseeable future with an only somewhat healed and temporarily managed illness and no money, no credit, no eligibility for benefits and little or no ability to earn.

This is Mama and Chili, my 2 adopted shelter cats.  Mama is the calico and Chili is her now-grown female kitten and appears to be a ragdoll mix.  They are so happy being together and the 3 of us have been blissed out for 3 years living in a modest calm and quiet living space in a beautiful rural area.  Mama and Chili are indoor/outdoor cats and get plenty of fresh air, sunshine, grass to chew on and bugs to chase.  Please help us stay together!

Continue reading “Patreon Drive for June 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support.”

Patreon Drive for May 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support.

patreon
Please click the Patreon image in the sidebar or use the links below to visit my Patreon page. Thank you for your support. >>>>>>>>>

Thank you to my 4 existing Patrons!  I appreciate your support.

I would never ask to be rescued from a more or less natural death.  When I came here 3 years ago to treat my serious chronic illness with medical cannabis, I really felt like I was dying, that I had no choice and that even if I “lost everything” it would not matter.  My quality of life was nonexistent and I was so extremely ill that I thought either I would die from my disease (which I believe is essentially a terminal illness, or at least that it’s terminal without treatment) or that I would heal enough to go on with my life even if it looked much differently than it had before.  3 years later, I have “lost it all” having paid out-of-pocket for out-of-state lodging and treatment which has given me profound pain relief and significant healing from the ravages of my incurable and disabling autoimmune condition, Crohn’s disease.  While I consider this to be an unlikely and hard-won personal success and am so grateful that I was able to do that for myself, I am now facing something I did not expect: figuring out how to live into the foreseeable future with an only somewhat healed and temporarily managed illness and no money, no credit, no eligibility for benefits and little or no ability to earn.

 

This is Mama and Chili, my 2 adopted shelter cats.  Mama is the calico and Chili is her now-grown female kitten and appears to be a ragdoll mix.  They are so happy being together and the 3 of us have been blissed out for 3 years living in a modest calm and quiet living space in a beautiful rural area.  Mama and Chili are indoor/outdoor cats and get plenty of fresh air, sunshine, grass to chew on and bugs to chase.  Please help us stay together!

Continue reading “Patreon Drive for May 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support.”

Another 4/20 Post. The Literal Insanity of the “Alternative Treatment” Dilemma. Or, Too Sane to Ride the Crazy Train, But Buying a Ticket Anyway.

This post was inspired by a comment left by Nat.

It took me a good year and a half before I figured out a cannabis and diet and nutritional protocol that worked for me to treat the debilitating symptoms and pain of my Crohn’s disease.  After an entire year spent trying various cannabis products and finding profound pain relief and significant healing of my gut, I next started a regimen of top-quality supplements and 100% organic and fermented organic foods.  After an additional 6 months on the new diet, combined with continued cannabis use, finally I started feeling noticeably better.  Against considerable odds, I had managed to heal my gut well enough to process and absorb nutrients from food, and I had added a quality multivitamin, digestive enzyme and whole nutritious organic and non-GMO foods to provide those nutrients and it worked.

After being out-of-state treating with medical cannabis and organic and fermented organic foods for a year and a half, and having nowhere else to go and no way to get there anyway as I was still too weak to travel, I felt I had the energy to try to “make it” in my new home state.  For a year and a half after that I was able to continue paying for out-of-state housing and medical treatments by working intermittently on my small business and by maxing out my credit and liquidating my modest assets but now everything is gone; by itself, my ability to work intermittently will not be good enough to sustain my health, my home or my life.  Not only am I broke and my credit destroyed, my financial documents are a shambles and will be so indefinitely due to my inability to reliably maintain the books of my small business putting need-based benefits out of reach.  The 3-year gap in my medical records beginning when I abandoned Western medicine and sought alternative treatment with medical cannabis means I am ineligible for disability-based benefits too.  While I may be able to fix some of this with a bankruptcy or other action and start over eventually it will be some time before I can even apply for a rental property let alone afford to pay for one in a cannabis legal state or anywhere — I have truly lost it all trying to finance my journey to heal myself with medical cannabis.

I need somewhere to rest, relax and recover for at least a year while I clean up this mess and I need to do it in a cannabis legal state so that I can continue my treatment.  That is what I need if I am going to remain relatively healthy, pain-free and to repair the damage all of this has caused to my finances and to my life and obviously doing so would be in my best interests.  And — notice that’s an and, not a but, that’s important —  there is likely no way I am going to be able to do that.  I am in a cannabis legal state now, and I have figured out a way to heal from and live with Crohn’s disease, but after 3 years I simply cannot afford to stay.

And at the same time I also cannot afford to leave a cannabis legal state with this serious incurable and conventionally untreatable medical condition and doing so would in fact be pure insanity.  Everyone I tell about this says “you can’t leave, you need your medicine!” and of course they are right.  Without access to medical cannabis, I will lose the hard-won gains I have made in my health and well-being — gains which have cost me everything to achieve and maintain even for this short while — only to plummet once again down the Crohn’s-hole of excruciating and intractable physical pain, debilitating systemic effects and digestive issues including dangerous erosions, ulcers, inflammation and other partial bowel obstructions, malabsorption, dehydration and malnutrition, the escalating and aggregating side-effects and iatrogenic illnesses and injuries that come with conventional Crohn’s treatments and unavoidable psychological trauma from both the illness and the treatments themselves.  Within days of stopping my treatment I could easily land in the hospital or worse as I will be unable to control my affect or behavior while suffering from intolerable intractable pain and even though I can see this entirely foreseeable result coming from a mile away, there is nothing I will be able to do to stop it.

Continue reading “Another 4/20 Post. The Literal Insanity of the “Alternative Treatment” Dilemma. Or, Too Sane to Ride the Crazy Train, But Buying a Ticket Anyway.”

Where is the Outrage? Defending Our Natural Right to Use Cannabis. Some Man-Made Laws Are Meant to be Broken.

In the past 3 years of treating myself out-of-state with medical cannabis, I have come to believe that access to cannabis (marijuana) is every human’s and animal’s natural right and is consistent with natural law.  We are citizens of this planet, and mammals including humans have an endocannabinoid system and seem built to ingest this plant in whole — not merely in part — in order to achieve and maintain homeostasis and consistent mental and physical health.  Man-made laws that contradict our natural right are therefore immoral, unethical and against our best interests.  So why do so many people continue to follow these immoral and unethical restrictions on cannabis use and why do so few attempt to defend our natural right to use this beneficial plant?  Where is the justifiable outrage at what has been taken from us and the extreme costs many of us have paid for this deprivation to our health, our finances, our freedom and our very lives?

Continue reading “Where is the Outrage? Defending Our Natural Right to Use Cannabis. Some Man-Made Laws Are Meant to be Broken.”

Death First! Unsurrendering to the Capitalistic Patriarchal Medical Machine and the Right to Refuse Unwanted Medical Care

Insufferable tomes explaining legal concepts are beyond the scope of this blog and frankly beyond the scope of my interest as a seriously chronically ill attorney and cannabis refugee so I will just sum up.  As was and is my right as a competent adult in this country, I decided 3 years ago to abandon the capitalistic patriarchal Western medical machine that was not helping me with my severe Crohn’s disease.  The painful invasive tests, failure to adequately treat either my symptoms or my pain and the aggregating side-effects of my medications were only causing additional medical trauma and making me feel worse.

Continue reading “Death First! Unsurrendering to the Capitalistic Patriarchal Medical Machine and the Right to Refuse Unwanted Medical Care”

Pardon My Schadenfreude. Discussing Disaffected Doctor Suicides

Somehow in my journey of researching and living with Crohn’s disease and chronic illness generally, I came across the case of disaffected medical doctors killing themselves.  Apparently it’s not just chronically ill, chronically let-down and chronically pissed off patients who are becoming disaffected with Western medicine and everything it entails.  According to at least one doctor who has taken to researching the issue, doctors and medical students are subjected to what she concludes are “human rights violations” when they are financially coerced by their medical schools, employers and licensing boards to get with the Western medical program and all it entails or lose their livelihoods, lifestyles and all the goodies they were expecting when they decided to get into medicine in the first place.

As a fellow licensed professional also subjected to the standards of my profession I can relate to the financial coercion part, as can anyone who has ever had a job anywhere.  The difference with medical doctors of course is that any alleged or actual coercion they experience to get educated and gainfully employed as medical doctors “coerces” them to directly harm other living beings such as the patients they “practice” medicine on and live animals on which they practice vivisection and medical experiments while in medical school.  Leaving aside for a moment the question of whether someone is ever morally blameless when they decide to knowingly physically harm a person or animal for their own material gain (or to avoid serious losses including financial ruin and everything that entails in the context of capitalism and patriarchy) I find this research and what it reveals relevant to my own experience as a disaffected chronically ill person who has abandoned the harmful medical standard of care that was only hurting me and making me worse.

Continue reading “Pardon My Schadenfreude. Discussing Disaffected Doctor Suicides”

Self-Sufficiency, Responsibility, Preparation, Independence and Other Nonstarters. Part III. The Punchline.

In Part I of this series, I described my history with an insane physically, emotionally and sexually abusive nuclear family that combined with our collective lack of resources made me realize that if the S ever HTF that I would be on my own with no one in my family either willing or able to help.  I decided that I needed to be “successful” in life if I had any hope of securing a safe, sane and comfortable future for myself free from abuse, including abuse from men which I knew by watching and listening to my mother’s experience could and would ruin my life.  In Part II I describe the execution of my plan — I applied and was accepted to law school and graduated at the top of my class, hopeful that a law degree would provide me with the employment skills and financial security I knew I needed to keep myself safe.  I worked my ass off for about 6 years chasing an elusive “savings” and financial safety net that would catch me if I ever needed catching.  In the end, the only substantial money I ever made as a practicing attorney were the legal settlements for two work-related injuries I had suffered on the job as a lawyer.  My career and my best-laid plans were largely a bust by the time I was laid off the final time, lost my apartment in a hurricane, and was diagnosed with a serious debilitating chronic illness, Crohn’s disease.

In this Part III I will dissect and analyze what happened to me as basically the punchline of a cosmic patriarchal and capitalist joke — modern girls and women are led to believe that educations and careers can and will save us from the oppressive lives our mothers and grandmothers led but this is easier said than done.  In reality, my experience and observation has led me to conclude that, under capitalism and patriarchy, women’s “success” or power largely refers to women’s increased spending power as “successful” consumers who make money for other people, where we first accrue an enormous student debt load and then both mandatory and so-called discretionary expenses increase faster than our incomes making the goal of achieving true financial security elusive at best.  Women are in fact prevented in every case from creating safe, sane and comfortable lives for ourselves, including the financial security to protect ourselves from the very worst of patriarchy and capitalism when things go sideways, whether we have careers, or children, or neither or both.  It really doesn’t appear to matter at all.

Continue reading “Self-Sufficiency, Responsibility, Preparation, Independence and Other Nonstarters. Part III. The Punchline.”

Please Support My Work Via Patreon

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PLEASE CLICK THE IMAGE IN THE SIDEBAR TO VISIT MY PATREON PAGE >>>>

As I have discussed on this blog, I am a seriously chronically ill cannabis refugee and am facing financial ruin and homelessness due to the last 5 years of medical expenditures related to my diagnosis and treatment for Crohn’s disease, a crippling incurable and progressive autoimmune disease of the digestive tract.  After treating for 2 years with Western medical treatments which were not only ineffective but also making me feel worse, I left my partner, my home, my state, my profession and my previous life behind and traveled across the country to seek pain relief and healing through the use of medical cannabis.  Thankfully, I have found significant pain relief and some amount of healing from my disease far beyond what conventional treatments had to offer and I am so grateful to have been able to do that for myself.  Unfortunately, after more than 3 years of paying out-of-pocket for out of state lodging and cannabis treatments, at this time, I have nearly reached the end of my personal resources to deal with this issue.  Due to forces beyond my control, I am not currently eligible for disability- or need-based benefits despite my unfortunate diagnosis, significant disability, negative prognosis and financial need.

Continue reading “Please Support My Work Via Patreon”

How Can a “Tummy Ache” Be So Disabling? Sh*t Friends and Family Members Say to Crohn’s Patients. Part V. The Response.

In Part I of this series, I described the mind- and body-shattering symptoms of Crohn’s disease, a crippling autoimmune disorder of the digestive tract that also causes systemic effects like joint pain, skin eruptions and fevers.  In Part II, I describe the horror of Crohn’s treatment which apparently one has to actually experience in order to understand or empathize with.  In Part III I described my escape from the Western medical industry — after 2 years of suffering with only more suffering to look forward to, and no relief in sight, I packed one suitcase and made a reservation at a vacation rental property in a cannabis-friendly state where I had planned to stay for 2 months and heal myself with medical cannabis.  In Part IV I described my treatment successes as well as the fallout and negative consequences of my decision to leave my partner, my home, my state, my profession, and the Western medical industry behind.  From there, I will let the reader surmise what would have been an appropriate response from friends and family and hope that they are able to provide that considered, appropriate response if one of their own friends or family members fall ill, and to understand that they themselves are unlikely to receive the same considered response under the same conditions and to be prepared.  Being let down by the very people who are supposed to be there for you is a devastating blow.

In this Part V I will describe the actual responses I have received from friends and family regarding my situation which have been so inappropriate, unhelpful and physically and mentally draining that I have had no choice but to cut off all contact with almost everyone I know.

Continue reading “How Can a “Tummy Ache” Be So Disabling? Sh*t Friends and Family Members Say to Crohn’s Patients. Part V. The Response.”

How Can a “Tummy Ache” Be So Disabling? Sh*t Friends and Family Members Say to Crohn’s Patients. Part IV. The Fallout.

In Part I of this series, I described the mind- and body-shattering symptoms of Crohn’s disease, a crippling autoimmune disorder of the digestive tract that also causes systemic effects like joint pain, skin eruptions and fevers.  In Part II, I describe the horror of Crohn’s treatment which apparently one has to actually experience in order to understand or empathize with.  In Part III I described my escape from the Western medical industry — after 2 years of suffering with only more suffering to look forward to, and no relief in sight, I packed one suitcase and made a reservation at a vacation rental property in a cannabis-friendly state where I had planned to stay for 2 months and heal myself with medical cannabis.  3 years later, I am still here and facing a terrifying and uncertain future as a seriously chronically ill cannabis refugee.  In these parts, I hope to show how desperate and hopeless a situation I was (and still am) in as a seriously chronically ill person who was not responding to conventional treatment.  From there, I will let the reader surmise what would have been an appropriate response from friends and family and hope that they are able to provide that considered, appropriate response if one of their own friends or family members fall ill, and to understand that they themselves are unlikely to receive the same considered response under the same conditions and to be prepared.  Being let down by the very people who are supposed to be there for you is a devastating blow.

In this Part IV I will describe the fallout of my decision to leave my partner, my home, my state, my profession, and the Western medical industry behind.

Continue reading “How Can a “Tummy Ache” Be So Disabling? Sh*t Friends and Family Members Say to Crohn’s Patients. Part IV. The Fallout.”

How Can a “Tummy Ache” Be So Disabling? Sh*t Friends and Family Members Say to Crohn’s Patients. Part II. The Treatment.

In Part I of this series, I described the mind- and body-shattering symptoms of Crohn’s disease, a crippling autoimmune disease of the digestive tract that also causes systemic effects like joint pain, skin eruptions and fevers.  Since getting my Crohn’s diagnosis, friends and family members have spoken and acted in such ignorant and hurtful ways towards me and my situation that I have unapologetically cut off contact with almost everyone I know.  I just didn’t have the physical or mental stamina to deal with their hatred or to correct their misperceptions about me, my disease or my “new” life complicated by serious and debilitating chronic illness.  When I say “hatred” I am referring to hate as a verb: the process and practice of othering me, my body, my experiences, my needs and my life.  I am sure if anyone asked them if they hated me they would say they didn’t, not in the noun-sense of feeling hateful emotions towards me.  But in the political, material sense, othering is hatred — the kind of hatred that civil rights groups have actively resisted and sought to eradicate because othering causes disenfranchised people to suffer and die when their needs, desires, interests, perspectives, histories and calls for justice are roundly ignored.

In this Part II, I will describe the horror of Crohn’s treatment which apparently one has to actually experience in order to understand or empathize with.  In my experience, which I have seen mirrored in many online support groups for Crohn’s patients, the accepted treatments for Crohn’s are often brutal and offer minimal or no relief.  Furthermore, with its toxic Big Pharma poisons, invasive tests and risky surgeries, Crohn’s treatment often causes “side-effects” that are as bad as or worse than the disease.  For example, an immune-system obliterating series of infusions was the next weapon in my gastroenterologists’ arsenal and is known to cause opportunistic infections, cancer and even death.

Continue reading “How Can a “Tummy Ache” Be So Disabling? Sh*t Friends and Family Members Say to Crohn’s Patients. Part II. The Treatment.”

When You Can No Longer Consume, Conform, Reproduce, Obey. What “Disability” Means Under Capitalism & Patriarchy

“Consume, conform, reproduce, obey” is a reference to the 1988 American science fiction film “They Live” which suggests that subliminal and other cultural messages essentially program people to behave in certain ways which benefit the state and for-profit corporations.  Although the film was fictional, there is an excellent case to be made that it was also based on real life and the real experience of human beings existing under the brutal systems of capitalism and patriarchy.  Here, we are expected to conform to society’s rules with an alleged “greater good” prioritized over the needs of the individual; to obey the mandates of our elite corporate and public overlords created by them to benefit themselves at our expense; to reproduce if we are able and to seek medical assistance to conceive if we cannot; and of course to consume as many products and services as possible which generates income for the most wealthy and powerful among us.  Most able-bodied Western people do these things without thinking too deeply about them or they do it for as long as they physically and mentally can.  But what happens when, due to a serious chronic and debilitating illness or injury, we are no longer able to conform or obey because our illnesses direct our lives?  What happens when our ability to consume is hampered because we no longer have an income?

Here, in the face of serious and disabling illness or injury, the coercive reality of our station is writ large: the new role to which we will conform is that of a professional patient; we will consume medical goods and services whether we want to or not and whether they improve or further damage our health or not; and we will obey this mandate or, without means to supply ourselves with food, shelter or the necessities of life, we will be left to die.  This is the foundation and essence of the disability-based benefits structure and it is very real indeed.  As a seriously ill Crohn’s patient, this is my current (and likely future) station and I am furious about it.  Recognizing my immense vulnerability as a disabled person I am also saddened that it has come to this, horrified that I will be unable to stop it, and terrified for my future.

Continue reading “When You Can No Longer Consume, Conform, Reproduce, Obey. What “Disability” Means Under Capitalism & Patriarchy”

How Can a “Tummy Ache” Be So Disabling? Sh*t Friends and Family Members Say to Crohn’s Patients. Part I. The Symptoms.

In my experience as a Crohn’s patient, besides the agony of the disease and the difficulty and energy expenditure of finding effective treatments, the ignorant and hurtful things blurted out by friends and family members have perhaps been the hardest thing to deal with.  (Oh, and the looming homelessness!  But for me at least, the major financial difficulties came a bit later.)  The demented things people have said to me started early on and it caused me to perform a snap evaluation of the relationships in my life, as that was all I had the energy for, and I decided I would rather just be left alone.  5 years later, I do not regret my decision to cut ties with almost everyone who I had previously thought cared about me.  For some reason, they could not or would not grasp what I was dealing with and their constant drains on my time and energy were making me feel worse.

Continue reading “How Can a “Tummy Ache” Be So Disabling? Sh*t Friends and Family Members Say to Crohn’s Patients. Part I. The Symptoms.”