Autoimmune Women Are Supposed to Pay Doctors to Give Them AIDS. Are You Fucking Kidding Me.

Remember when “they” were saying that getting AIDS was like the worst thing ever?  I do — I am a child of the 80s afterall, and I was in 4th or 5th grade when the AIDS crisis hit and everyone was terrified of getting AIDS, children (children!) were being told to never have “unprotected” sex because of the AIDS, early on we were being told not to use public drinking fountains and to ostracize children with AIDS so as not to get AIDS ourselves.  Remember Ryan White?  I do!  I didn’t even have to Google to find his name, 40 years later I still remember his name and his story by heart, he was from my state and a few years older than I was.  He scared the shit out of everyone because he wasn’t doing anything “wrong” when he contracted AIDS like having the unprotected (or gay) sex.  That poor soul got it from a medical procedure, in his case, a blood transfusion for hemophilia.  Tragic.

Soon it became passé for anyone to trouble themselves with “how” anyone contracted AIDS — AIDS patients deserved our compassion, our respect, our acceptance of their physical and mental decline and resulting disability, regardless of how they got it.  Remember Ali Gertz?  I do.  She was a straight, affluent, white female and she got HIV and developed AIDS from a single sexual encounter with a man.  Of course, the man was bisexual and almost certainly got it from another man but by then it ostensibly didn’t matter…unless a woman gave her baby AIDS, then of course the woman was the Devil.  AIDS didn’t discriminate, AIDS was a horrible, painful, untreatable disease, a death sentence that no one deserved…except mothers who gave their babies AIDS, they deserved everything they got and more.  But deserved or not, no one was disputing that AIDS was serious, painfully serious, brutally final.

At some point “they” started saying no it’s not the AIDS specifically that’s the problem, it’s the HIV you don’t want, and that’s a virus so just use Universal Precautions and you should be fine!  Fairly recently they started saying it’s possible to “live with” HIV and never develop full-blown AIDS at all.  The message there appears to be that AIDS is actually what you don’t want afterall.  AIDS — Acquired Immuno Deficiency Syndrome — where your immune system becomes weakened, decimated and destroyed and you develop life-threatening opportunistic infections from bacteria, viruses, parasites, fungi, you get cancer (or more than one) and then need to be treated for the cancer(s), your quality of life plummets to zero and you can no longer work or play effectively, your friends and family have to care for you, even though there’s nothing long-term they can do for you, and you die painfully, skeletally, covered in sores and rashes, beyond spent, half out of your mind.  That’s the effects of the AIDS mind you — the HIV in and of itself appears to be relatively harmless except that it causes AIDS, and AIDS is still bad, very very bad, something unequivocally to be avoided.  Are we clear on that?  Good.

Enter “biologics,” the class of “treatment” — read Big Pharma poison — approved for managing autoimmune diseases like Multiple Sclerosis (MS), Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) Crohn’s disease and more.  The so-called “side effect” of biologics — read iatrogenic illness and injury, meaning additional illness and injury caused by medical attention and treatment itself — is that biologics “change how your immune system works.”  That obfuscating bit of Big Pharma propaganda brought to you by the literal pricks at Johns Hopkins Arthritis Center.  Of course, “change” here means “destroy” and going from having a functioning immune system to not having an immune system at all is certainly a change so they aren’t technically lying but WOW, just wow.

Continue reading “Autoimmune Women Are Supposed to Pay Doctors to Give Them AIDS. Are You Fucking Kidding Me.”

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Another 4/20 Post. The Literal Insanity of the “Alternative Treatment” Dilemma. Or, Too Sane to Ride the Crazy Train, But Buying a Ticket Anyway.

This post was inspired by a comment left by Nat.

It took me a good year and a half before I figured out a cannabis and diet and nutritional protocol that worked for me to treat the debilitating symptoms and pain of my Crohn’s disease.  After an entire year spent trying various cannabis products and finding profound pain relief and significant healing of my gut, I next started a regimen of top-quality supplements and 100% organic and fermented organic foods.  After an additional 6 months on the new diet, combined with continued cannabis use, finally I started feeling noticeably better.  Against considerable odds, I had managed to heal my gut well enough to process and absorb nutrients from food, and I had added a quality multivitamin, digestive enzyme and whole nutritious organic and non-GMO foods to provide those nutrients and it worked.

After being out-of-state treating with medical cannabis and organic and fermented organic foods for a year and a half, and having nowhere else to go and no way to get there anyway as I was still too weak to travel, I felt I had the energy to try to “make it” in my new home state.  For a year and a half after that I was able to continue paying for out-of-state housing and medical treatments by working intermittently on my small business and by maxing out my credit and liquidating my modest assets but now everything is gone; by itself, my ability to work intermittently will not be good enough to sustain my health, my home or my life.  Not only am I broke and my credit destroyed, my financial documents are a shambles and will be so indefinitely due to my inability to reliably maintain the books of my small business putting need-based benefits out of reach.  The 3-year gap in my medical records beginning when I abandoned Western medicine and sought alternative treatment with medical cannabis means I am ineligible for disability-based benefits too.  While I may be able to fix some of this with a bankruptcy or other action and start over eventually it will be some time before I can even apply for a rental property let alone afford to pay for one in a cannabis legal state or anywhere — I have truly lost it all trying to finance my journey to heal myself with medical cannabis.

I need somewhere to rest, relax and recover for at least a year while I clean up this mess and I need to do it in a cannabis legal state so that I can continue my treatment.  That is what I need if I am going to remain relatively healthy, pain-free and to repair the damage all of this has caused to my finances and to my life and obviously doing so would be in my best interests.  And — notice that’s an and, not a but, that’s important —  there is likely no way I am going to be able to do that.  I am in a cannabis legal state now, and I have figured out a way to heal from and live with Crohn’s disease, but after 3 years I simply cannot afford to stay.

And at the same time I also cannot afford to leave a cannabis legal state with this serious incurable and conventionally untreatable medical condition and doing so would in fact be pure insanity.  Everyone I tell about this says “you can’t leave, you need your medicine!” and of course they are right.  Without access to medical cannabis, I will lose the hard-won gains I have made in my health and well-being — gains which have cost me everything to achieve and maintain even for this short while — only to plummet once again down the Crohn’s-hole of excruciating and intractable physical pain, debilitating systemic effects and digestive issues including dangerous erosions, ulcers, inflammation and other partial bowel obstructions, malabsorption, dehydration and malnutrition, the escalating and aggregating side-effects and iatrogenic illnesses and injuries that come with conventional Crohn’s treatments and unavoidable psychological trauma from both the illness and the treatments themselves.  Within days of stopping my treatment I could easily land in the hospital or worse as I will be unable to control my affect or behavior while suffering from intolerable intractable pain and even though I can see this entirely foreseeable result coming from a mile away, there is nothing I will be able to do to stop it.

Continue reading “Another 4/20 Post. The Literal Insanity of the “Alternative Treatment” Dilemma. Or, Too Sane to Ride the Crazy Train, But Buying a Ticket Anyway.”

Where is the Outrage? Defending Our Natural Right to Use Cannabis. Some Man-Made Laws Are Meant to be Broken.

In the past 3 years of treating myself out-of-state with medical cannabis, I have come to believe that access to cannabis (marijuana) is every human’s and animal’s natural right and is consistent with natural law.  We are citizens of this planet, and mammals including humans have an endocannabinoid system and seem built to ingest this plant in whole — not merely in part — in order to achieve and maintain homeostasis and consistent mental and physical health.  Man-made laws that contradict our natural right are therefore immoral, unethical and against our best interests.  So why do so many people continue to follow these immoral and unethical restrictions on cannabis use and why do so few attempt to defend our natural right to use this beneficial plant?  Where is the justifiable outrage at what has been taken from us and the extreme costs many of us have paid for this deprivation to our health, our finances, our freedom and our very lives?

Continue reading “Where is the Outrage? Defending Our Natural Right to Use Cannabis. Some Man-Made Laws Are Meant to be Broken.”

Living Like We’re Renegades. More Injury vs. Illness?

When I first arrived in my new home state to start treating my Crohn’s disease with medical cannabis, this song was becoming popular and it spoke to me.  I felt like I had made my escape from a medicalized torture chamber, that I was going to succeed against all odds to heal myself of an incurable and untreatable disease and that I had “right” on my side — my natural right as a thinking feeling being to follow my own intuition, beliefs and to live my life as I saw fit within the bounds of natural law and discarding male-made laws which were oppressive and above all, unsustainable.  Under natural law, the only consequences to any action are natural consequences — meaning cause and effect.  There are no punishments for poor choices only logical outcomes, nor are there rewards in a value-laden judgey sort of way.  I felt, in a word, free.

Continue reading “Living Like We’re Renegades. More Injury vs. Illness?”

Death First! Unsurrendering to the Capitalistic Patriarchal Medical Machine and the Right to Refuse Unwanted Medical Care

Insufferable tomes explaining legal concepts are beyond the scope of this blog and frankly beyond the scope of my interest as a seriously chronically ill attorney and cannabis refugee so I will just sum up.  As was and is my right as a competent adult in this country, I decided 3 years ago to abandon the capitalistic patriarchal Western medical machine that was not helping me with my severe Crohn’s disease.  The painful invasive tests, failure to adequately treat either my symptoms or my pain and the aggregating side-effects of my medications were only causing additional medical trauma and making me feel worse.

Continue reading “Death First! Unsurrendering to the Capitalistic Patriarchal Medical Machine and the Right to Refuse Unwanted Medical Care”

Pardon My Schadenfreude. Discussing Disaffected Doctor Suicides

Somehow in my journey of researching and living with Crohn’s disease and chronic illness generally, I came across the case of disaffected medical doctors killing themselves.  Apparently it’s not just chronically ill, chronically let-down and chronically pissed off patients who are becoming disaffected with Western medicine and everything it entails.  According to at least one doctor who has taken to researching the issue, doctors and medical students are subjected to what she concludes are “human rights violations” when they are financially coerced by their medical schools, employers and licensing boards to get with the Western medical program and all it entails or lose their livelihoods, lifestyles and all the goodies they were expecting when they decided to get into medicine in the first place.

As a fellow licensed professional also subjected to the standards of my profession I can relate to the financial coercion part, as can anyone who has ever had a job anywhere.  The difference with medical doctors of course is that any alleged or actual coercion they experience to get educated and gainfully employed as medical doctors “coerces” them to directly harm other living beings such as the patients they “practice” medicine on and live animals on which they practice vivisection and medical experiments while in medical school.  Leaving aside for a moment the question of whether someone is ever morally blameless when they decide to knowingly physically harm a person or animal for their own material gain (or to avoid serious losses including financial ruin and everything that entails in the context of capitalism and patriarchy) I find this research and what it reveals relevant to my own experience as a disaffected chronically ill person who has abandoned the harmful medical standard of care that was only hurting me and making me worse.

Continue reading “Pardon My Schadenfreude. Discussing Disaffected Doctor Suicides”

Self-Sufficiency, Responsibility, Preparation, Independence and Other Nonstarters. Part III. The Punchline.

In Part I of this series, I described my history with an insane physically, emotionally and sexually abusive nuclear family that combined with our collective lack of resources made me realize that if the S ever HTF that I would be on my own with no one in my family either willing or able to help.  I decided that I needed to be “successful” in life if I had any hope of securing a safe, sane and comfortable future for myself free from abuse, including abuse from men which I knew by watching and listening to my mother’s experience could and would ruin my life.  In Part II I describe the execution of my plan — I applied and was accepted to law school and graduated at the top of my class, hopeful that a law degree would provide me with the employment skills and financial security I knew I needed to keep myself safe.  I worked my ass off for about 6 years chasing an elusive “savings” and financial safety net that would catch me if I ever needed catching.  In the end, the only substantial money I ever made as a practicing attorney were the legal settlements for two work-related injuries I had suffered on the job as a lawyer.  My career and my best-laid plans were largely a bust by the time I was laid off the final time, lost my apartment in a hurricane, and was diagnosed with a serious debilitating chronic illness, Crohn’s disease.

In this Part III I will dissect and analyze what happened to me as basically the punchline of a cosmic patriarchal and capitalist joke — modern girls and women are led to believe that educations and careers can and will save us from the oppressive lives our mothers and grandmothers led but this is easier said than done.  In reality, my experience and observation has led me to conclude that, under capitalism and patriarchy, women’s “success” or power largely refers to women’s increased spending power as “successful” consumers who make money for other people, where we first accrue an enormous student debt load and then both mandatory and so-called discretionary expenses increase faster than our incomes making the goal of achieving true financial security elusive at best.  Women are in fact prevented in every case from creating safe, sane and comfortable lives for ourselves, including the financial security to protect ourselves from the very worst of patriarchy and capitalism when things go sideways, whether we have careers, or children, or neither or both.  It really doesn’t appear to matter at all.

Continue reading “Self-Sufficiency, Responsibility, Preparation, Independence and Other Nonstarters. Part III. The Punchline.”