Patreon Drive for August 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support. Update Below the Fold.

patreon
Please click the Patreon image in the sidebar or use the links below to visit my Patreon page. Thank you for your support. >>>>>>>>>

Thank you to my 12 existing Patrons!  I appreciate your support.

I would never ask to be rescued from a more or less natural death.  When I came here 3 years ago to treat my serious chronic illness with medical cannabis, I really felt like I was dying, that I had no choice and that even if I “lost everything” it would not matter.  My quality of life was nonexistent and I was so extremely ill that I thought either I would die from my disease (which I believe is essentially a terminal illness, or at least that it’s terminal without treatment) or that I would heal enough to go on with my life even if it looked much differently than it had before.  3 years later, I have “lost it all” having paid out-of-pocket for out-of-state lodging and treatment which has given me profound pain relief and significant healing from the ravages of my incurable and disabling autoimmune condition, Crohn’s disease.  While I consider this to be an unlikely and hard-won personal success and am so grateful that I was able to do that for myself, I am now facing something I did not expect: figuring out how to live into the foreseeable future with an only somewhat healed and temporarily managed illness and no money, no credit, no immediate eligibility for benefits and little or no ability to earn.

Continue reading “Patreon Drive for August 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support. Update Below the Fold.”

Patreon Drive for July 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support. Update Below the Fold.

patreon
Please click the Patreon image in the sidebar or use the links below to visit my Patreon page. Thank you for your support. >>>>>>>>>

Thank you to my 13 existing Patrons!  I appreciate your support.

I would never ask to be rescued from a more or less natural death.  When I came here 3 years ago to treat my serious chronic illness with medical cannabis, I really felt like I was dying, that I had no choice and that even if I “lost everything” it would not matter.  My quality of life was nonexistent and I was so extremely ill that I thought either I would die from my disease (which I believe is essentially a terminal illness, or at least that it’s terminal without treatment) or that I would heal enough to go on with my life even if it looked much differently than it had before.  3 years later, I have “lost it all” having paid out-of-pocket for out-of-state lodging and treatment which has given me profound pain relief and significant healing from the ravages of my incurable and disabling autoimmune condition, Crohn’s disease.  While I consider this to be an unlikely and hard-won personal success and am so grateful that I was able to do that for myself, I am now facing something I did not expect: figuring out how to live into the foreseeable future with an only somewhat healed and temporarily managed illness and no money, no credit, no immediate eligibility for benefits and little or no ability to earn.

This is Mama and Chili, my 2 adopted shelter cats.  Mama is the calico and Chili is her now-grown female kitten and appears to be a ragdoll mix.  They are so happy being together and the 3 of us have been blissed out for 3 years living in a modest calm and quiet living space in a beautiful rural area.  Mama and Chili are indoor/outdoor cats and get plenty of fresh air, sunshine, grass to chew on and bugs to chase.  Please help us stay together!

Continue reading “Patreon Drive for July 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support. Update Below the Fold.”

Swallowing “Professional Middle Class” Hook, Line & Sinker. Academic Tenure Can Be Revoked Due to Illness (and Other Reasons).

This is Ruby.  Ruby is a mommy vlogger with over a million subscribers, is the sister of Bonnie and Ellie, and like her sisters is also a generational member of the LDS religious cult (Latter Day Saints, aka Mormons).  Ruby has a family including 6 young children and a husband.  Ruby and her husband have spent their entire relationship getting Mr. Ruby educated with a Master’s and a Ph.D and Mr. Ruby has used his education to get a teaching job which he has held for the last several years.  Mr. Ruby just found out he got tenure which means he can never be fired* from his job.  According to Ruby’s understanding of the situation, this means that they will always have money and therefore that they will always have security.  That they will always have necessary and discretionary income.  That they will always have a home.  Ruby is so, so, so very happy about that.

Judging by her life and lifestyle as a married middle class woman with children, Ruby has clearly bought into one myth, the myth of the middle class mother and wife who thinks that having a successful husband is a guarantee of current and future security.  She assumes that he will never leave, or decide to spend his money recklessly or on other people or in ways of which Ruby herself does not approve.  It is possible that their shared religion and community as LDS may function as a social glue that holds this couple together and keeps Mr. Ruby’s money in the shared account (and his dick in his pants) so it’s possible that Ruby is a bit smarter than most women who do the same thing but who don’t have anything holding their marriage together besides “attraction” or “love” or shared interests or shared parenting or other such fleeting things.  And to be fair, Ruby might be right about Mr. Ruby and Mr. Ruby might be the greatest guy or even the greatest person in the entire world and their plan to be secure for the rest of their life based on his job might be reasonable under certain circumstances.

But how realistic is it really, when the future security they have both worked so hard for is completely dependent on Mr. Ruby’s physical and mental ability to work, especially now where we are experiencing the collapse of our ecosystem and where so many people are becoming seriously chronically ill?  What if Mr. Ruby already has a latent condition of which he is not yet aware including the increasing likelihood that any of us has a confounding autoimmune disease that will be resistant to treatment, both incurable and progressive, and where the conventional treatments are known to make autoimmune patients worse and even more disabled than they were before?

*Tenure can be revoked y’all.  And not just because of disability either.

Continue reading “Swallowing “Professional Middle Class” Hook, Line & Sinker. Academic Tenure Can Be Revoked Due to Illness (and Other Reasons).”

Patreon Drive for June 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support.

patreon
Please click the Patreon image in the sidebar or use the links below to visit my Patreon page. Thank you for your support. >>>>>>>>>

Thank you to my 10 existing Patrons!  I appreciate your support.

I would never ask to be rescued from a more or less natural death.  When I came here 3 years ago to treat my serious chronic illness with medical cannabis, I really felt like I was dying, that I had no choice and that even if I “lost everything” it would not matter.  My quality of life was nonexistent and I was so extremely ill that I thought either I would die from my disease (which I believe is essentially a terminal illness, or at least that it’s terminal without treatment) or that I would heal enough to go on with my life even if it looked much differently than it had before.  3 years later, I have “lost it all” having paid out-of-pocket for out-of-state lodging and treatment which has given me profound pain relief and significant healing from the ravages of my incurable and disabling autoimmune condition, Crohn’s disease.  While I consider this to be an unlikely and hard-won personal success and am so grateful that I was able to do that for myself, I am now facing something I did not expect: figuring out how to live into the foreseeable future with an only somewhat healed and temporarily managed illness and no money, no credit, no eligibility for benefits and little or no ability to earn.

This is Mama and Chili, my 2 adopted shelter cats.  Mama is the calico and Chili is her now-grown female kitten and appears to be a ragdoll mix.  They are so happy being together and the 3 of us have been blissed out for 3 years living in a modest calm and quiet living space in a beautiful rural area.  Mama and Chili are indoor/outdoor cats and get plenty of fresh air, sunshine, grass to chew on and bugs to chase.  Please help us stay together!

Continue reading “Patreon Drive for June 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support.”

Patreon Drive for May 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support.

patreon
Please click the Patreon image in the sidebar or use the links below to visit my Patreon page. Thank you for your support. >>>>>>>>>

Thank you to my 4 existing Patrons!  I appreciate your support.

I would never ask to be rescued from a more or less natural death.  When I came here 3 years ago to treat my serious chronic illness with medical cannabis, I really felt like I was dying, that I had no choice and that even if I “lost everything” it would not matter.  My quality of life was nonexistent and I was so extremely ill that I thought either I would die from my disease (which I believe is essentially a terminal illness, or at least that it’s terminal without treatment) or that I would heal enough to go on with my life even if it looked much differently than it had before.  3 years later, I have “lost it all” having paid out-of-pocket for out-of-state lodging and treatment which has given me profound pain relief and significant healing from the ravages of my incurable and disabling autoimmune condition, Crohn’s disease.  While I consider this to be an unlikely and hard-won personal success and am so grateful that I was able to do that for myself, I am now facing something I did not expect: figuring out how to live into the foreseeable future with an only somewhat healed and temporarily managed illness and no money, no credit, no eligibility for benefits and little or no ability to earn.

 

This is Mama and Chili, my 2 adopted shelter cats.  Mama is the calico and Chili is her now-grown female kitten and appears to be a ragdoll mix.  They are so happy being together and the 3 of us have been blissed out for 3 years living in a modest calm and quiet living space in a beautiful rural area.  Mama and Chili are indoor/outdoor cats and get plenty of fresh air, sunshine, grass to chew on and bugs to chase.  Please help us stay together!

Continue reading “Patreon Drive for May 1 Donations. Thank You for Your Support.”

Rubber Tramping with Cornelius Vango. Injury vs. Illness?

I have been completely fascinated with this woman who calls herself Cornelius Vango.  She is an anarchist librarian, squatter, community-builder, van dweller, adventurer and a skilled vidder, vlogger and editor and an above-the-knee amputee having apparently lost a leg in an accident as a young teenager.  For the past 3.5 years, she has lived in an off-grid squatter community called Slab City in the California desert and routinely manages extreme conditions including heat that exceeds 120F degrees in the summertime.  She also regularly bathes in, washes her clothes in and collects drinking water from an agricultural canal that runs through the Slabs and has gained considerable weight since arriving there which looks to me like systemic inflammation and has been having noticeable negative reactions to food so has gone gluten-free.

Continue reading “Rubber Tramping with Cornelius Vango. Injury vs. Illness?”

Women, Accumulation & “Losing It All”

As I have already described here, I put myself through law school and became an attorney fully expecting that if anything “bad” or financially catastrophic ever happened to me that I would be all alone without family or friends to support me.  My nuclear family experience was oppressive and sadistic while my extended family and friends shared a collective lack of resources such that I knew that even if they wanted to help, there was little to no chance they would be able.

Furthermore, I had believed my mother when she told me that getting married and having kids had ruined her life.  I believed that if I had any hope of taking care of myself long-term, including getting myself through when times were tough, I would need to be a “successful” skilled educated worker in a high-paying field for as long as possible, and that to avoid the awful oppressive conditions my mother faced, including the financial abuse and want she suffered when she was left a divorced, struggling single mother, that I would probably have to remain single and do it all by myself.  Marrying rich (or at all), or in my mother’s case where she put my dad through medical school instead of herself, creating a sadistic misogynistic doctor out of a sadistic misogynistic poor guy from rural Michigan, was not the answer.  I thought I had it all figured out and was led to believe I had.

After graduating from law school at the top of my class, I worked for about 6 years and got virtually nowhere.  I found that, for newly licensed attorneys, the starting salaries were low and the practice-related expenses were high — things like a professional wardrobe and respectable vehicle were more or less required, and occasional vacations and costly relaxations and recreations weren’t exactly “discretionary” when you were losing your health and sanity to the oppressive working conditions of an entry-level employee faced with high responsibility and low control.  High responsibility and low control being the objective markers of an objectively dissatisfying career leading to physical, emotional and mental “burnout” and worse.

In fact, my health started declining shortly after I began my career and became progressively worse, and eventually I was diagnosed with a disabling and progressive chronic illness, Crohn’s disease.  And while I had managed to accumulate some resources in my time as a practicing attorney and was able to pay out of pocket for out-of-state lodging and alternative treatment for 3 years, I am currently at the end of my personal resources to deal with this problem.  I have lost it all, having liquidated my assets, spent my savings, and maxed out and destroyed my credit pursuing the only medical treatment I ever found to deaden the pain and heal the destructive effects of Crohn’s disease: medical cannabis.

How and why is it so hard to “make it” under capitalism and patriarchy and so easy to then “lose it all”?  Having experienced this myself, and having a lot of time to think about and analyze my situation, I have come to believe that losing it all — or having nothing in the first place — is more or less our natural human state and is entirely consistent with natural law.  Simply put, no one has a natural right to accumulate.  If left to the ravages of time and the elements, all accumulations will vanish.

Continue reading “Women, Accumulation & “Losing It All””

Self-Sufficiency, Responsibility, Preparation, Independence and Other Nonstarters. Part III. The Punchline.

In Part I of this series, I described my history with an insane physically, emotionally and sexually abusive nuclear family that combined with our collective lack of resources made me realize that if the S ever HTF that I would be on my own with no one in my family either willing or able to help.  I decided that I needed to be “successful” in life if I had any hope of securing a safe, sane and comfortable future for myself free from abuse, including abuse from men which I knew by watching and listening to my mother’s experience could and would ruin my life.  In Part II I describe the execution of my plan — I applied and was accepted to law school and graduated at the top of my class, hopeful that a law degree would provide me with the employment skills and financial security I knew I needed to keep myself safe.  I worked my ass off for about 6 years chasing an elusive “savings” and financial safety net that would catch me if I ever needed catching.  In the end, the only substantial money I ever made as a practicing attorney were the legal settlements for two work-related injuries I had suffered on the job as a lawyer.  My career and my best-laid plans were largely a bust by the time I was laid off the final time, lost my apartment in a hurricane, and was diagnosed with a serious debilitating chronic illness, Crohn’s disease.

In this Part III I will dissect and analyze what happened to me as basically the punchline of a cosmic patriarchal and capitalist joke — modern girls and women are led to believe that educations and careers can and will save us from the oppressive lives our mothers and grandmothers led but this is easier said than done.  In reality, my experience and observation has led me to conclude that, under capitalism and patriarchy, women’s “success” or power largely refers to women’s increased spending power as “successful” consumers who make money for other people, where we first accrue an enormous student debt load and then both mandatory and so-called discretionary expenses increase faster than our incomes making the goal of achieving true financial security elusive at best.  Women are in fact prevented in every case from creating safe, sane and comfortable lives for ourselves, including the financial security to protect ourselves from the very worst of patriarchy and capitalism when things go sideways, whether we have careers, or children, or neither or both.  It really doesn’t appear to matter at all.

Continue reading “Self-Sufficiency, Responsibility, Preparation, Independence and Other Nonstarters. Part III. The Punchline.”

Self-Sufficiency, Responsibility, Preparation, Independence and Other Nonstarters. Part II. The Execution.

In Part I of this series, I described my early motivation to become “successful” professionally in order to secure financial and material control over my future and my life, to create a financial “safety net” in case I ever needed one, and to avoid the oppressive outcomes of my mother and grandmother before me.  In this Part II I describe how I executed my plan.

No female in my line had ever attempted let alone completed an advanced degree so I have no idea where I got the idea that I could do it.  But I know when and where I was when I started thinking I should do it — I had just graduated from college and couldn’t find a job.  I had been living on need-based student loans and various side-gigs for years and was frankly sick and tired of being a student but I was good at it and the loans paid the bills for now.  I knew I needed to continue my education and I knew I needed to be as highly skilled and educated as possible if I had any hope of supporting myself including getting myself through when times got tough.  I had no one to help me.

I applied and was accepted to law school and moved to a new state, got set up in an apartment and began a terrifying and exhausting journey that pushed me beyond my limits.  I endured the dreaded Socratic Method that seemed designed to cause anxiety and panic in students.  I did Law Review because I had heard that you needed either that or Moot Court on your transcript if you ever hoped to get a job and Moot Court was essentially Socratic Method on steroids.  I did an extensive 2-term internship, took on a teaching assistant position, wrote and published a journal article and did everything I could to increase my chances of beginning the successful career I knew I needed to survive.  I had days and weeks where I grievously abused my body and my mind completing grueling tasks with little or no sleep and suffered a couple of serious illnesses likely due to stress.  At one point I had frightening GI symptoms that may have been my first bout with Crohn’s disease — looking back, I had all the symptoms of a bowel obstruction.  But I soldiered on.

Continue reading “Self-Sufficiency, Responsibility, Preparation, Independence and Other Nonstarters. Part II. The Execution.”

Self-Sufficiency, Responsibility, Preparation, Independence and Other Nonstarters. Part I. The Motivation.

My mother always told me that getting married and having children ruined her life.  She told me her own mother had forced her to get married when she was 17 years old because that was the right thing to do and she would not have her daughter living in sin.  If I recall, my mother had already graduated from high school, gotten her own apartment and was in nursing school by then.  My dad was 20 and as men always seem to do, he moved in to her space and thus inserted himself into her life forever.  My mom never wanted children and actively tried to prevent that from happening — she tried the dangerous and essentially experimental early high-dose birth control pills that gave her terrible side effects.  She gave up on them after 5 years, my dad regularly raped her and refused to use a condom, and I have no idea what else she tried or didn’t try before she became pregnant with me at 22, pretty much immediately after stopping the Pill.  She was pregnant again 2 months after I was born, and then again when I was 3.

Continue reading “Self-Sufficiency, Responsibility, Preparation, Independence and Other Nonstarters. Part I. The Motivation.”